Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Coming out #3

I am blogging way too frequently. Well, that's really because my current situation really sucks! I'm done with school early and I regret doing that now, and my full-time job starts maybe in May or something, and I have so many months to bum around at home! I got lazy and didn't find a temp job or anything too, so I'm completely living off my parents, which is fine really, they probably like having me around. But I'm so bored - hence all the free time to do soul-searching and shit, I got to be active and do something with my life. I'd think about it tomorrow though...lol I procrastinate so much.

So yeah. Finally told my third person, she's my bestest friend at college and is studying abroad right now so I showed her my blog post and she was like aww, I'm proud of you but we all already knew... wow. Damn. My masculinity felt threatened there. But okay, she said it was mainly because every single time I blacked the fuck out at school I would get kinda...handsy with guys I thought were cute. Yeah...really shouldn't have drank so much in college. But honestly that's really just the life of a college kid, everyone binge drinks way too much for their own good. After that we talked a while, she assured me that everyone at school is way fucking laid back and probably would be super chill about me coming out to them, and that was great. She also told me about a friend who is female-to-male and struggled so hard as he went to an all-girls middle school. Man. I have such mad respect for him. I've met him and had no clue at all (the hormones worked really well I guess), and wow. He is such a strong person, especially to have gone through this whole process in such a deeply Confucian country. Mad props. He is now one of those people who inspires me, and is a living testament (of someone that I actually know) that it really does get better.

Also, I don't know why, but I guess it's because I've never told anyone this before, but I told said best friend about all my random awkward bad hookups with guys (and girls) in the past which honestly were pretty scandalous since no one knew at all (at least my guy hookups), and showed her pictures of Matt Bomer and Matt Dallas who are two incredibly attractive people who came out over like the last year or so. Haha.

Anyway, when my sister told my mom about how the fam friend told me that I should 'do something with my life, and that if you're gay you should just come out and say it', my mom actually told my sister to be supportive and not dismissive, in case I really do want to come out. That was actually really heartwarming of my mom to say that. But after my sister told me that, she was like 'I'm so glad you're not gay though so we don't have to worry about that!' (This was because above study abroad best friend told my sister that I've had the sloppiest makeout seshs with girls in frat bathrooms and shit like that wtf) But I think my family has suspected this all along. I mean, I'm a college senior, I'm supposed to be some horndog and I'm not too shabby-looking yet I've never really talked about any girlfriends I had before. Hopefully they'd embrace me for who I am.

I'm switching over to the iPhone 5 tomorrow. I really like my Galaxy S3 but honestly, it's just way too big to put in my pants pocket. I thought I'd be okay with it but I really didn't get used to it, and also it quickly gets very annoying in the morning when I wake up and try to do my lie-in-bed-facebook thing. The screen is way too large for single-hand functioning. I find that more girls than guys use the S3 or the Note actually, mostly because they usually carry a purse/bag with them and can throw their phones in them. I'm not about to carry a man-purse, so iPhone it is!

Also, check this out: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bronnie-ware/top-5-regrets-of-the-dyin_b_1220965.html Rings so true to what I've been feeling lately. I've been feeling more and more optimistic now, but I realize that I can kind of oscillate between moments of optimism and moments of sheer despair. Hopefully shit in my life gets sorted out fast.

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