Wednesday, January 23, 2013


I've been feeling mad chill lately. I'm open to a couple friends now, they're all really chill about it, I'm open to my sibs, and they've been so awesome too, and I don't know man, but life feels pretty darn good! :D

I've been a huge bum being back home though. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. It's pretty bad. All I do every day is chill by the pool for a bit, play with my dogs for a bit, walk them round the neighborhood, watch movies in the movie room, and occasionally go to the gym. I don't even jack off that much anymore it's weird. It's like after coming out to a couple peeps I've actually got much less hornier. I used to go to town with my hand every single day, but now the lil bud doesn't even feel it. Maybe it's because I'm done with porn and am ready to mess around with real-life people instead.

I also have so much less motivation now to go to the gym. I went ALL the time in London at the school gym. Holy. fucking. shit. I felt like I was in a zoo of hot guys. Everyone was incredibly ripped and impossibly good-looking. And everyone spoke with an English accent. And...the showers were communal, in full view from the lockers. I always liked what I saw, lolol. I'm always the slightly self-conscious scrawny dude lifting much lighter weights than everyone, but this time I just didn't give a fuck. And because I didn't know anyone there (most of the time studying abroad actually means you meet zero locals and only fellow amurcan exchange students) I would stare. A lot. Which actually wasn't all that creepy, because like three or four other dudes would also be staring at the dude I was staring at, although I'm guessing their thoughts were more "Woah. I want to be that guy." And I'm more "let me just sit down here for a lil while longer cos my boner is out of control"

But now being back I go to the country club gym instead (I use my dad's membership), and the average age of the gym is probably 60. Man. It sucks major donkey dick when I try to get myself all pumped and shit for the gym and then bam. Cellulite in my face. Wrinkles everywhere. I've tried using the sauna but it creeps me out because there are elderly folk in there in the nude and shit. Oh boy. If not for my friend J (first dude I came out to) who's always on my ass about going to the gym (he's sorta seeing this hot girl right now, and is really self-conscious about his tummy because he doesn't want to be THE fat kid getting the hot chick that everyone likes to gossip about) I would not go at all. But a part of me really thinks that hitting the gym isn't worth it because my family is genetically tiny. And yes, it's because we're Asian. My sister is barely 5' 2" and 90 lbs. She's a stick. My brother's 2-3 inches shorter than me, but he's a 115 lbs, and so he can do 25 pull-ups easily. We're not like emaciated or skinny, but no matter how much we eat we're all incredibly lean. It's great because I don't really watch what I eat, but kind of sucks too.

I watched the first two of the LOTR trilogy yesterday. Extended editions. Man, really long. But pretty good. But also kinda weird. I forgot how creepy elves are, and I'm sorry but Elrond will always be Agent Smith to me. I forgot how much of a crazy bitch Galadriel is, especially the part where she turns into some Medusa thing when Frodo offers her the ring I have no idea how Frodo remained so calm after that. I forgot how annoying it is that Elves speak Elvish even when other non-speakers are around, reminds me so much of the insular Koreans at school who would sit down, with me, and start speaking their native tongue and I kind of flail my arms to show that I exist. I forgot how androgynous Legolas looked, and he should really listen to himself speak some times "A red sun rises, blood has been spilled this night." - can anyone say tool?, although I'd still do him. I forgot how incredibly useless dwarves are as a race. Axes are way too slow and clunky. I forgot how incredibly beautiful Arwen is, and how ever could she possibly be the offspring of Steve Tyler. I also forgot that Sean Bean plays Boromir, and it really does seem that he dies in everything he plays.


I have a final round interview for my real-estate job tomorrow. This weekend I'm seeing a couple bands (Kings of Convenience, Of Monsters And Men, etc.) at an outdoor festival by the outlandish trees in my previous post so it'll be sick. And although I'm not a huge fan of my friend's faghag girlfriend, I might ask her if she'd like to come to a gay club, because I don't have anyone else to go with. Just kinda want to see what's it like over here. I've been to two gay clubs before in London (my gay friend's English boyfriend told me that everyone says that my country is really conservative but hey, "you're so cool about going to a gay club!" haha) but each time I was "straight" then but it's really weird because these guys are sketchy. One guy asked for my name, shook my hand, and leaned in to kiss me. Just like that. I don't mind if you do that if you're hot but man he was old and balding. Another guy grabbed me from the front and started just grinding me face-to-face... I remember also thinking the music was pretty campy (there was a lot of Destiny's Child and Jennifer Lopez). There was one guy though that was really cute and shy and he came over to talk to me after looking my way for quite a while and I saw his friend nudging him along haha but I was with my gay friend who I wasn't out to at all, so I kind of just talked to him and hinted that I wasn't interested. 

Other than that, I think I'm going to travel for a bit. I'm probably going to Central America for spring break with my college friends, and then maybe after that I'd go back to the good ol' Midwest and chill fat. Maybe if I get lucky I'd get Coachella tickets. I don't really know what to do. I kind of told the real-estate people I could start work early, but I don't know if I want to be a corporate zombie so quickly.

My posts are way too long and I ramble too much. Hopefully it isn't too bad. Anyway, here's a song I like.

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