Ok first off just gonna be "a little gay" here (only just a lil), but did Beyonce kill that or what?? Mad props. She also looked amazing hah. Sometimes I wish that I was truly bisexual so I could bang/fantasize about banging all these hot women too.
And why? Because I think it's incredibly sexy when a girl knows how to move her body. It's so different from the way a guy moves his body. Especially when girls are kinda naughty and suggestive but still in control of the situation. It's odd because I usually have this whole "mmm I wanna tap that" thing in my head, but the lil dude down there never agrees. No boners. Seriously.
So sometimes I wonder if it's just the gay side of me that responds to sexy girls. But then again, it's not like I'm singing along in falsetto and am dying to gyrate all over a fucking tombstone. So yeah, I don't know. Is it possible to actually think that girls are incredibly sexy, but yet do not want to have sex with them? My brain and dick are just weird.
So anyway, from the previous post, I started thinking about a lot of things again. Actually wait up I just remembered my dream, I was with my main man (he called me that) frosh year (we sadly drifted apart after...) just kickin it with a joint (we had so much fun with our toking adventures), and then the joint became three joints, and then it became a whole straw bucket full of joints. I was redonk-blazed, I think in my dream I could taste that the weed was gnarly..., and started going around this outdoor carnival thing flapping my hands about like a bird, talking to my main man about how it'll be cool if we could fly and live up in the sky. Then I realized I lost my phone, and I immediately sobered up and was like, fuck, phone got stolen, so I woke up in cold sweat to find my phone right beside my bed.
Going off on a complete tangent here...but this phone theft thing is actually a pretty big traumatic experience for me. When I was studying abroad in London just a couple months ago, I started feeling really lonely, and withdrawn from the world, which is odd because I fucken love London it's one of the few cities in the world I can see myself living it up. I love walking on the streets and just people-watching all the dapper guys/girls, everyone's seriously so snazzy. Anyway, so there was one time when an older friend came to visit, and this guy is trouble. Drinks get out of hand So while I was wary, I just wanted to get really drunk too. We ended up getting a couple champagne bottles, and then out of nowhere vodka materialized, and...I blacked out.
When I sobered up a little, I realized that I was walking on unfamiliar streets with this random stranger necking me. His breath smelled of cigarettes, and he looked at me and smiled. I reached into my pockets and realized I had the ID and lipstick from this random chick that I probably met at the club...I had no clue why I had them. I was so incredibly confused about how I ended up in that situation but felt so fucken horny, we started just making out and had our hands down each other's pants and shit while walking, stopping only when people were approaching. He asked me where I lived, and he walked me back, but stopped by the bathroom in the lobby to blow each other. Although this wasn't the first time I tasted dick, it was oddly the most enjoyable, because I was so inebriated I didn't feel any guilt. He really enjoyed it, and idk, I liked it that he enjoyed it. I could not believe that I was having a random hookup with a dude. Then he wanted to leave, since it was clear that I wasn't going to bring him up to my place (my sister was around). I went out with him, put my hands down his pants more, he did the same, and out of nowhere, I felt my phone being lifted out of my pocket. I was really drunk, so I started patting down my pockets, and realized I didn't have it. I asked him, hey, where's my phone? And I forgot exactly what happened, because everything got really blurry here, but I begged him to return it to me, and he brushed me off really hard and said "Fuck you you crazy faggot I didn't take your phone" and he ran off.
I stood in the middle of the road, unsure of what just happened to me. I felt like puking. Way too much booze. His words kept repeating over and over in my head. I went to a side, puked out quite a lot of shit, then tried to find my way home. I was lost; that fucker brought me to some really sketchy part of town that I've never been to before. After asking one guy for directions though (it was 4.30 a.m.), I managed to drag myself home. I cried myself to sleep on the couch. I just hooked up with a random stranger and had my phone stolen. In five hours, I was going to have lunch with my parents. He called me a faggot. My gayness had made me lose my phone.
I cried so much. My parents were furious - they had already warned me in the past not to binge drink anymore, especially after my school notified them that I ended up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning... I didn't know what to say or do. I lied to them that my phone got snatched when I was trying to GPS my way back home. I lied to everyone who asked me. There was no way I could tell anyone the truth. I felt like I should punish myself for fucking up so bad. But my dad is a firm believer that money can solve all problems, and he bought me a newer, better phone immediately. This is why my mom is really worried that all of us kids are going to really believe that money solves everything in the world, because every fuck-up we do there are seemingly no consequences at all.
So yeah, that's why I'm really paranoid about getting my phone stolen. That's why I woke up in cold sweat.
I also decided I'm going to put songs that I like up on this blog. This is one of my favorites.