The first step is always the scariest though. I hovered over the "send mail" button. I addressed the email to both my brother and sister, but while my sister's off at school, my brother's back home doing an internship stint. He was in the room right across from me. I chickened out and decided to only send it to my sister first.
My sister immediately told me that she loves me no matter what, and that I must never be stupid again and think about suicide. She felt really guilty about not picking up on all the panic attacks I had when I was rooming with her. In fact she kind of squealed over IM a lil and said that she's actually really excited to have a gay brother, and can't wait to tell her friends although she'd hold off until I'm more ready. She said it gives our family street cred, lolol. She also told me that my brother would be totally cool with it, since he watches a lot of Modern Family and Will & Grace.
(Digression: She told me that my summer fling with this girl last summer is such a Will & Grace situation...lol, she's kind of right ahah. This girl in question, I've been feeling really guilty about. She texted me last night with a picture of Dom (I'm a huge douchebag when it comes to bottled service) she split with a coupla friends in a club and said that the only thing that this picture is missing is me, and that I should go back because she misses me. Pretty sure that was a drunken transnational booty call. I have got to figure out a way to tell her gently, yikes...)
She reassured me that nothing will change, and was happy that I am finally able to move on with my life. She also told me something else that just threw me off completely...I'd talk about it at the end of the post.
I was kind of choking up a little when she said all that to me. I decided I was going to tell my brother too. I waited for him to get to work (I don't think I can do this face-to-face really), and so I emailed him again. He texted back saying that "duDDEEE I don't care if you are or not! Doesn't change a thing man!" He said after going to school in Melbourne (yes, we all go to different continents for college it's pretty dope) he's been exposed to a lot of gay people and is now totally comfortable with them. This is where it was kinda funny. Before this he has never talked to me about anything gay-related. Now he was telling me about specific incidents of gay guys who have hit on him in college and he had to tell them to "ctfd I'm straight" ahahah, or how his jewish-themed college actually has more gay guys than jewish people, how a student leader tried to run for student board elections by using gay-straight alliance as his main platform, how he drunkenly ended up in a GLBT mardi gras one weekend when his friends and he went down to Sydney. He also told me how I should move to Australia and get married there and adopt cute halfie kids. He also said excitedly about how our family's getting even closer to Modern Family now, cos my mom is kind of uptight and control-cray like Claire, my sister is really pretty but she's kind of an airhead like Haley, her boyfriend is a total Dylan hahaha, my brother does his own shit all the time like Luke, and he said I can now just represent the gay side of everything. Lol. He also told me how he's excited now that he has two fashion advisors instead of one (my sister), and I told him wtf dude I've always dressed dapper, and he said "yeah but now it carries a lot more weight, juz sayin" hahahah.
All this was just blowing my mind. It made me feel really stupid for battling my inner demons and bottling everything up for so many years. I just had two incredibly honest conversations with my siblings and it made me so happy. Really. I think it's becoming so obvious to me that the world is becoming a lot more accepting now, and that many times all the fear is just in our heads. I definitely cannot speak for everyone because I lucked out with having such accepting sibs, but yeah. Man. Everything is great.