Saturday, February 9, 2013

First things first I'll eat your brains

Long entry---

1. So to my fellow local reader, I guess I'm just gonna give the benefit of the doubt here haha, and assume that you're a friend and not foe, and that you come in peace and not to blackmail or publicly shame me. I realize that my initial fear reflects that I am still ashamed of who I am as a person, and that is just not right. Everything in this blog so far reflects an average hot-blooded young male, who thinks about sex/relationships quite a lot, which eh, is normal, for a guy my age, the only caveat being that I swing for the same team. I haven't talked about anything that is really immoral, like killing someone or raping anybody, so I think I'm good to go.

2. I did a blog hiatus just to see how long I could hold off on blogging. Heh. Not gonna lie I'm pretty addicted to this shit. It's pretty therapeutic.

3. It's insane how much progress I've made. I started this blog Jan 14, and now I'm out to more than a dozen people, maybe even 20 people I've lost count, and everyone's been super supportive so far. I'm definitely no more in the closet at all, and it's just insane thinking about how things have changed so much. I've even talked to my mom and my sister about hot guys which is hilarious really. I've made my mom watch an episode of White Collar with me, and told her how Matt Bomer is straight up my role model, and she was like "oooh wow he is good looking!" ahahaha.

4. I have been getting a wave of confidence recently. If you haven't noticed by now, I'm terribly insecure about myself and most of the time when I walk around on the streets I look at people's shoes and never into their eyes. A couple months ago, I was in Shanghai with three girls from my college, and we were out at a club, when these three Swiss guys come over to join us at a table. It became apparent how this happened because one of the Swiss guys was really into my Korean friend, and kept buying us drinks. I was pretty well liquored up by their drinks heh. I remember thinking all 3 of them looked like models and real gentlemen, and it felt pretty surreal that we were at the same table with them in a sketchyass club full of Chinese prostitutes and white men who wanted some easy ass. One of the dudes was incredibly incredibly smokin; he's half-Korean half-Swiss, speaks Korean, French, and English, and was tall and lanky and dressed super fucking sharp, like nice pressed oxford shirt and chinos. I remember wanting to talk to him, I did get some kind of a vibe from him if you know what I'm talking about (he wasn't feminine or anything, but just extremely gentle haha, which might just be a European thing) but I wasn't sure. Besides one of the other girls with me like, REALLY wanted the d I think so she was hardcore flirting with him, so I backed off. Somehow after a while, I noticed she looked pissed, and decided to pretend to fall asleep on the couch. I tried talking to the guy after but he seemed pretty cold and distant. So that was that.

A couple weeks later, my Korean friend actually met up with the Smokin' Dude in Korea. She squealed to me before they met up that she was excited, and after they met up she told me that she hooked up with him but it wasn't that exciting. I was like, haha man too bad for you, but honestly at that time I wanted to ask her 'wtf how can it not be good with that face'. This, they all told me before I came out to them. After I came out to them though, they told me the other parts of the story.

Apparently the girl who was hardcore flirting with him was trying very hard to make small talk with him, but he didn't seem very interested, and out of nowhere asked her, "hey btw is (my name) gay?" She blinked at him and said "what? uh, no." And so she pretended to pass out since she was clearly boring him hah.

My Korean friend also told me that when they met up in Korea, she quizzed him if he remembered anybody else from that night in Shanghai. He said yeah he remembers (my name), and she told him "Aw, (my name)'s the best! He's so much fun I miss him a lot." And apparently he said "Yeah I really liked him too. I kinda miss him too." I spoke to him for barely five minutes! I was talking more to his French friend instead who was hilarious but obviously straight (but sexy).

And this SD is seriously Model-status, so my Korean friend tried really hard to get it on with him, and went over to his place to try to sleep with him (I am making her sound like a whore, she isn't though). But she told me that he couldn't get his lil bud to perform at all no matter what she did, and although he didn't drink a lot, he used the same excuse I gave the last time I found myself in such a situation and said "Man I'm really drunk really tired imma sleep." But she was so persistent she actually slept over, and tried again in the morning and once again, the lil bud refused to cooperate. She was really confused by the whole thing and thought he was really small...and felt disappointed by it. Lmao.

Anyway the point of this whole thing is 1) I think it is safe to assume that he is gay, and I am extremely flattered that I actually have game, and that such a hot guy would actually be interested in me when he is way way out of my league, I just added him on facebook ahahaha although he's back in Switzerland...but eh, maybe we can meet in Korea some time haha. 2) I wonder how many of such golden opportunities I've missed because I wasn't comfortable with myself. Honestly, if I was out a lot earlier, and he and I had something going on, he would for sure be the hottest guy I'd probably ever hook up with. Like, hands down. Haha. Oh boy.

5. Which brings me to another potential "missed opportunity" with this guy from college. He is a grade below me, and I've actually only met him twice in real life, but I remember that I was really happy when he added me the day I first met him on facebook. He's from this insanely notorious and popular frat in my school (that actually got kicked off-campus because of its notoriety), and yet is incredibly sensitive and nice. When he found out that I was going to study abroad in London, he told me he was going to Ireland, and that we should meet up at some point. Then when he came over, he texted me that "we should meet up! I really want to go clubbing with ya" which fizzled because his friends wanted to stay up in Oxford, so he told me instead to go over there and we can walk around. He also writes really long facebook messages to me, and when I reply, he replies every single one of my points back. My fag hag friend was telling me that "frat bros never reply long messages, especially to dudes. they will only grunt, and say shit like, yeah dawg" Haha granted that that's a really extreme stereotype, it's not entirely wrong too. Also, yes, he is insanely cute and tall and lanky. Haha.

Anyway so my point is, from now on, I'm not going to keep guessing and second-guessing these kind of things. I'm gonna drop pretty obvious hints from now on so I wouldn't miss out on such occasions ever again.

6. I met up with two gay couples, two straight guys, and two fag hags last night for dinner and hookah. It was funny because when I showed up, this white guy at the table told me "oh looks like you didn't get the 'bring a white guy to dinner' memo." All my friends brought a white dude with them, it was amusing. One of the fag hags was lamenting over dinner that she will never meet a straight guy because she has fallen into the "endless pit of faghagdom" and that the last few clubs she has been to have all been gay clubs ahahaha. Then she said thank god there are three straight men at the table. It was funny because half the people at the table know about me (she didn't) and the half that knew gave me a half smile lol.

I'm also going to go with them to a gay night at a club this weekend. This is my first time I'm going to such a thing as an 'out' guy. Kinda worried how it'd turn out because obviously out of all the people mentioned above, the only one that is 'single and available' would Before going, I decided that I should casually mention to the fag hag above that sorry to burst her bubble but her straight friend count is dwindling, and her reaction was hilarious she said something like "It's okay I've already resigned to the fate of infinite foreplay with gay men forever" I'm pretty excited about this weekend!

7. I really like this song. It's by this band called Girls.

Funny story about how I first discovered them. It was actually from an indie gay p0rno. Lmaooo yeah, I know, I'm such a prick even when it comes to p0rn. Not sketchy at all. But this one is actually very realistically done, and had a song by Girls on it, and I shazamed it and fell in love with the band. Too bad they're broken up now, the main lead went solo.

Below is a link to the p0rno I mentioned. I don't want to put the video here because I don't want an adult filter for my blog, but you should check it out if you have time. Like I honestly can imagine this happening to me...somewhere in the future of course, not right now.

8. Also, really just to clarify, my mind isn't all about sex and hot guys all the time. I'd like to think that I'm a more sophisticated creature. Maybe I'm just fooling myself.

9. I found this from my Photobooth. This was when I was leaving at the end of junior year, and I invited two of my really good friends over and whipped up for them some local cuisine. Then we had a bit of wine, got pretty tipsy, and started jamming to dumb songs. It was such a fun and carefree night kicking it with my buds. Would always remember it.



  1. Hey kenn-do, probably the second local reader here, hope I don't scare you away from blogging further. Anyway, love your high-amusing albeit random writing and I can relate to much of it.

    I could probably guess which school you attended (unless you went to an international school. did you? you and your friends here do seem to have way more white friends here than the average overseas-educated sillyporean) and which area you stay(ok, getting kinda creepy-stalker here). I was also at laneway the other day..... ok just kidding. Sillypore can be an incestuously small world at times BUT I COME IN PEACE so please don't go hiding in a hole after reading this!

    Oh yeah, and when did you come out to your mom? It was never explicitly written if I'm not wrong.

    Btw, Happy Chinese New Year!


    1. Hey jw, Happy Chinese New Year to you too. Great that you come in peace hah. I'm totally cool with you reading this as long as you don't out me. I do like it that I have a local reader, and you can email me if you ever need to talk.

      The simple answer is that my friends and I are all SPGs (girls, and gays) ahaha. I would like to think that we're not the annoying kinds that intentionally try to fit the stereotypical mold, but we just connect a lot better with non-locals. I've actually felt this way growing up, like many of my friends are from international schools, so it isn't a new thing or that I'm rejecting my own people - I just don't really fit in that well with the local crowd. Hope you wouldn't think I'm an asshole for saying that.

      I came out to my parents a few weeks ago. I'm not exactly sure when. I initially did write an entry about it but took it off because my coming out story is actually pretty complicated. But the short version of the story is that my parents are incredibly supportive, and in fact for Chinese New Year my mom wished me happiness and that I would find a nice boyfriend...haha.

    2. No, I totally understand. I'm actually more attracted to white guys than I am to asians in general but I only have like one white acquaintance. :( Speaking of the term SPG, have you heard of the terms 'potato queen', 'rice queen', 'sticky rice' and 'mashed potato'?

      Ah ok, I see. Haha, your mom is so cool.


    3. Haha no I've not heard of any of them, I'm guessing rice queen refers to queens who like...Asians? Potato queen...the only thing about potatoes that I know are that the Irish had a huge potato famine, lmao. So Like queens who like Irish Sticky rice?? Mashed Potato??

      Okay I just urbandictionaried them and I was right for the first two, the last two are hilarious. I guess I know quite a few sticky rice and mashed potatoes too.

    4. Haha, there' also bean/hummus/chocolate/dairy/matzah queens too.

      Oh and I just realised I've also watched that indie porno some time back.


    5. How the hell do you know so many of these gay slangs? All I know is twink and bear. I honestly know nothing about gay slangs, gay bars, gay clubs, etc.

    6. Get yourself educated stat! But seriously, I only knew a few, the rest were from wiki. haha. I also know nothing about gay bars and clubs. Never been plus clubbing and pubbing is not my thing.