Friday, February 15, 2013

Gay Pride

I was reading this guy's blog about pride (, and there has been a lot of contention among the commenters. One made by an older commenter Jim Richardson made a lot of sense to me:

"Wow - what a narrow view you have. Perhaps you and your readers are well under 30 and have absolutely zero concept of what it was like to be gay in 1970, or 1965, or 1955. 

While I agree that for the most part gay pride parades are the worst way to exhibit who we are, for most of us elder gays, the mere fact that we can stand up and announce that we are proud to be gay is a novel expression most of us would never have dreamed possible in 1970 or earlier.

We were taught at every turn, including by our parents, that being gay was the most terrible thing that we could be, often that being dead was a far better option. For years we were told that we were making a bad choice, and we were baffled because no matter how hard we tried, we simply couldn't choose anything else. 

Were you around in the early 80's? Hundreds of thousands of my generation are simply vanished from the face of the earth by a disease that today is possible to control by taking a fucking pill. We couldn't even get the government to acknowledge there was a problem for years. Hell, for 20 years we were afraid to unzip because of AIDS, some of us still are.

Yes, old people have sex. 

It took a bunch of screaming drag queens to get us on the map (Stonewall) and while I acknowledge that you have every right to choose to not like some of the personalities out there, you have zero right to comment on gay pride, you obviously grew up in a much more accepting world that many of us older guys made for you. The reason you don't need to march in those parades is because we did it for you.

Just as you say that young rich kids should be more grateful to their parents - you should look at every gay person over 50 and thank them for the world of acceptance you live in now.

You don't have to date a sissy boy, but you simply must learn to accept that he has as much right to exist as you do, and his life is probably far harder than yours. At least he has the nerve to show his face and be open about it. 

The best part of being gay is something you haven't yet learned. We don't have to follow the rules of heterosexual society about the kind of person we are. It's OK to be a sissy, it's OK to be a drag queen, it's OK to be a muscle bound gym rat, we don't need to get married to prove we love one another and have a family and we don't need anyone's approval to be us.

It's not OK to judge someone else for who they are, simply because we disagree with their choice of "fashion" or the way they act at the gym. 

You write well, now lets see if you can find a way to actually contribute to our community and make it better for others like you - in your own way, someone different than others, struggling to find your own path."

It's very easy for me and the rest of my twentysomething generation to take everything that we have for granted. I have absolutely no tangible concept of a hard day's work. I have only known peacetime growing up. It is very humbling to realize that many of what we have today have been tirelessly fought for by our forefathers. In many ways we should definitely be more appreciative.

I am incredibly guilty of being shallow. I pass judgment about people that I meet within the first 8 seconds, and I quickly determine if the person is worth my time, and angle my responses to the person according to that decision. While I don't usually make my opinions publicly known, except on this blog, I am fully aware that I am highly judgmental, in fact to the point where I almost demonize the rest that I don't agree with.  In No-Hetero's blog, I can fully relate to his entries because I think that way too, except that I'm the awkward weaksaucebro that he mentions in his gym entries, heh. My penis shrivels up and dies when I see histrionic more-girly-than-girls "sissies." I think gay pride parades are ridiculous, just like Asian/Black pride parades, or pride parades in general.

I know however, that I am highly judgmental, because all my life I've been judging myself really hard, and bouncing those judgments off others. I look at myself as an Asian person in what is still predominantly a white-loving world, and when I see other Asians that perpetuate the shitty stereotype of slitty-eyed, flat-faced, nerdy, socially awkward virgins with poorly spoken english, I can feel myself hating them before I even know them. When I look at myself as a gay person, and when I think about how society will lump me with all the other gay people they know, I feel extremely uncomfortable around sissies. But then again, I also feel uncomfortable around the gym gaybros, because it's so Jersey Shore it's stupid.

The older generation made the world better for us, and ensconced in your laurels that you paved for us, complacency and a certain sense of disconnect in our generation will definitely follow. But the reality is our world is so incredibly different from yours. I think at the end of the day many of the older folks are quick to criminalize all of us for being irreparable degenerates, but do not realize that this is our world now, and that in many ways you have made us this way. And honestly, I do not think that all hope is lost for us young'uns. Many of us are very humble. We might not show it that way, but we are. We're also highly adaptable. The older generation seems to cling on to halcyon days quite a bit though. Pride parades should evolve. Because the world is a lot more accepting now, everything employed for the whole "shock" factor to get people to pay attention should just get the fuck out. We don't need that anymore. Everyone should just be themselves. Some times I feel that gay people make themselves be "gayer" or intentionally dramatize their lives just for the attention, and to feel inside, "uhuh I am more fabulous than you" *three air-snaps with fingers*. And also because it seems that girls fucking love these kind of gay guys. The fag hags I mentioned a couple entries ago have apparently stopped caring much about me - I guess I'm too boring and "straight" for them. Well, they can fuck off.

I wonder, what is the ratio of "feminine" gay guys versus "masculine" gay guys? Are there a lot more effeminate ones? I'm inclined to not think so. I've been in the closet for a really long time, and one of the reasons why it was easy to remain in the closet is because I'm not stereotypically effeminate (I do have a fucking mean falsetto though). Granted, my close friends did have their suspicions, but that's because I never did have any long-term relationships with girls. Relatively, it's a lot more difficult for a limp-wristed Madonna-loving guy to vehemently deny that he's gay. All I know is, that the effeminate gay guys are a lot more on the radar for everyone else, and I alienated myself from them, all in my own head. Not that I am homophobic, or didn't have gay friends - in fact I know many, I just am not good friends with them. On the surface, I would appear open-minded and be friendly towards them, but inside I always rejected myself because I knew I "couldn't be like them."

There really needs to be a lot more visibility for the "masculine" gay guys now. The only reason why I was comfortable with coming out in the end was because I read all these blogs of gay guys, some of whom are more traditionally masculine than I am, and many YouTube coming out stories and for some of them I could not tell AT ALL that they were gay, and that gave me a lot of hope when their family and friends supported them.

But I definitely know that I have gotten it a lot easier than the flamboyant ones. I have never been called a sissy or a faggot (except the fucker who blew me and then stole my phone - what a fucking asswipe) or any other gay-bashing in my life. I can only imagine the internal struggles that these people have gone through. And now that they have found an accepting community of drag queens or whatever in pride parades, I should only feel happy for them to be comfortable in their own skins.

That's what we all are trying to do, to be comfortable with who we are, and to feel accepted by the people around us. No-Hetero mentions how he wishes that there would be no more gay clubs, but just clubs where both straight and gay people can make out (not together, obviously. Although I wouldn't  mind at all 'turning' a straight dude) and no one would flip their shit. And that's awesome isn't it? I would really like that.

1 comment:

  1. I know it's wrong to judge more effeminate guys but I think it is so entrenched in my mindset given my upbringing that it is really hard for me to change it. I was much more effeminate when I was a little boy and I think I see in them what society taught me to hate about myself. I am very aware that I shouldn't think way and I give myself a hard time for it and remind myself that they are human just like I am, and hella brave for being who they are and not giving a rats ass. Sadly, I think its gonna take a long long time for society to change. Just look at the state of racism now.