Thursday, February 14, 2013


Ah I didn't notice the other comments by jw,
1. Hah I'm not sure why but I really just do not like the xx that much at all. It kinda just makes me want to sleep.
2. Thanks for validating my blog, since nobody really comments, I've wondered if anybody can relate to what I'm writing about. Also don't worry about the sexual experience thing, it is much tougher for gay people to be open to others sexually so it's natural things take a slower course than straight counterparts.
3. My mom also still harbors some kind of hope I'd be a doctor. Which is batshitcray of her. I did also go for the med school interview haha, they knew immediately I wasn't passionate about it. I hope you find what you'd like to study at uni, I completely regret studying economics because it's bullshit, but then I don't know what else I would have studied and have an easier time (economics isn't difficult), since I think academics is unnecessary and the only good thing about college is making friends.

I realize I swear a lot. I searched for the word 'fuck' on my blog, and every single entry popped up. Lmao. Maybe I should tone down with the vulgarities, but I like swearing, it's just part of who I am. I guess in some sense, I just don't really give a fuck about censoring myself.

I went to a Catalonian restaurant yesterday with my parents and my brother. Back when we were in Barcelona, we went to a restaurant named after Sergi Arola who worked at El Bulli for a couple years, and the waiter over there asked us where we were from, and after telling him, he told us that one of his really good friends Lara works at a Catalonian restaurant in my country, and that we should tell her we know him and she'd take care of us. We got there, most of the waiting staff were dudes though, so yeah. The food was pretty good, the view was pretty awesome (the restaurant is on a floating platform by the pier), the sangria was really strong, but it's really just insane how expensive my country has become...the jug of sangria was 110 USD.

I started arguing with my brother and my dad quite a bit over money again...about the new car I'm supposed to be driving to work. I was saying I wanted to take the train to work instead, and I don't know why but they got pissed thinking that I'm "apologizing" for my family's wealth. Whatever. It got pretty bad and for a while the whole table was really tense. I got pretty liquored up after a while though, so I was like fuck it, I toasted my brother and told him truce, and that we got to keep looking out for each other. That's what I love about being a dude. Arguments never really last that long. We get over shit pretty fast. He broke out a half-smile, and soon after everything was good again.

At the end of the meal, I decided to just ask the lady who gave us our check if she knew anyone called Lara, and she said "yes that's me" with a puzzled look. I explained the whole thing about how we met Pako (is that a Spanish name?) in Barcelona, and she was delighted haha. It made me smile a lot.

While walking by the pier, my mom asked me if my gaydar has improved. I said lolwhat, it's not like after coming out I leveled up and +2 gaydar detection. I told her I was going to chill out on this whole gay thing. It's only been a month, and because it's also new to my friends, it's almost like I'm just gay and nothing else, which isn't true. I told her I was just going to take it slow and just be myself, and that for now my biggest priority on the whole gay agenda thing is to just be comfortable in telling people that I'm gay, and nothing else. She smiled and hugged me.

/Although honestly I'm getting a bit horny and might just hit up a straight club instead and mess around no-strings-attached with a girl. Is that mean? Haha./

We went over to a hotel lounge after, listened to this fantastic woman singing jazz live, I had a Tom Yam Martini, my brother left to hit the clubs for Ladies' Night (he's quite the player) then I headed to meet L and J and two of their friends (a guy and a girl) for hookah. It was slightly weird because one of the dudes was really talking to me a lot about girlfriends, and going to clubs to pick up girls, stuff like that. I guess he was happy there was another guy there to shoot the shit about girls since L and J are gay, haha, boy he had no clue. I also clandestinely passed L the Vday card I got for him for J; I think I did a pretty good job in picking a good card. This was the first time I've ever bought a Vday card, and it wasn't even for my significant other.

It was kind of awkward when I was browsing through the cards, since all the guys around me were picking out girlfriend cards, and the girls were picking out boyfriend cards. But no one really cared that much, except for the cashier that did do a double-take but didn't say anything except "Happy Valentine's!" haha. I also had no clue that these cards are so dude.

So I know people are reading this, some from pretty cool places around the world. I started this blog to kind of find people going through similar situations with me, and to kind of find people to talk to. But so far this one-sided conversation is rather boring dude...Anyway so I was thinking about all the positive gay role models around. So there's Matt Bomer, Neil Patrick Harris, Luke Macfarlane, Anderson Cooper... who else? Are there also any shows that portray more "masculine" gay guys, instead of Mitch and Cameron on Modern Family? Cameron's such a fucking queen I cannot believe he says he is straight in real life it is too real dude. I know 90210 had this hot dude who's gay in it, I think his name is Trevor, but that's it really. Don't get me wrong though, I think Cameron and Mitch are hilarious. In fact, I used to watch Will & Grace and thought that Jack and Karen were insanely funny. I also know the Sarah Silverman Program has Steve and Brian but honestly they're a bunch of unattractive and fat stoners, it's weird to watch them. So if anyone has any suggestions for shows/celebrities to check out who are just reg dudes into dudes, send them my way.

And yeah ok one song for each entry.


It's Valentine's Day today, and the weather has been absolute shit the past couple weeks, raining and everything all the time. This song, I suspect, describes many of our lives. I'm gonna try to get back to working on myself for the next two-three weeks before I start working. Gonna tan by my pool more once the sun starts existing again, start hitting the gym again (I got lazy and haven't gone in weeks), maybe try to eat healthier (the hippie dude I mentioned earlier told me that the only way I can be happy as a Type 4 is to embrace equanimity by treating everything as an equal and become vegetarian - I don't think I can ever do that I love meat). I know my entries are really stupid - I get really positive for one and then really negative the other. This entry is pretty positive, that's because in general I feel pretty good about life now. Hopefully the next one I'm gonna write is going to be positive too. 

But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key, I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me.


  1. 1. Haha, it's fine that you don't like them much at all.
    Since we're on music, I've been obsessed with Bahamas(former touring guitarist for Feist) recently. Here's his liveset with originals and covers(some impromptu):
    But obsession of the past few days has been alt-J.

    2. Oh, I've just commented on your more recent posts so that'll help the comment-count. Keep up the writing though, I'm sure it's cathartic to some extent.

    I guess so. I'm also wary of getting too close to others so I don't really have any best friends but I do have good friends. sad but true. Anyway, I'm ok with taking it slow and putting that part on the back burner.

    3. Haha. Yay, fellow medicine-reject.
    Anw, I haven't been making much friends at uni. I do have those that I go the classes with and stuff but yeah... Its partly because i haven't really made that much of an effort and also because i find that the pple at my uni(the one off in its own enclave in the west) are generally very typical SGreans. zzzzz. so I'm yearning for a more international milieu...

    Gay role models: I'm sure there are a more(and not just those in entertainment) but can't think of any for now. wait what about ian mckellen, zachary quinto?

    gay tv characters off the top of my head: Max from Happy endings, Kevin from Brothers & Sisters, Andrew from Desperate housewives, oscar from the office...

    1. 1. Haha alt-J was trippy at Laneway. I'd check out the Bahamas.

      2. Yep, I'm taking it slow too haha. My best friend at college is studying abroad in Paris now, but I talk to her a lot virtually so I guess that's not too bad. She really looks out for me, and I love her for that haha. It's actually really useful to have really really good friends, you should try letting your guard down a lil.

      3. :o( I can fully empathize with you. It's funny that we're so cosmopolitan but some times I feel like I'm from some small town in Alabama. You should think about studying abroad for a semester or a year. It'll be refreshing.

      4. Okay I'm really shallow but Ian McKellen's a lil too old, and Zachary Quinto is forever typecasted as spock (at least to me) and spock is not hot at all lol.