Saturday, March 30, 2013

我要的幸福


So I know I tend to give the impression that I hate being Asian. I actually love, love, love, being Chinese. We have such a ridiculously rich culture and history, although I know very little about it but it already astounds me. This is one of my favorite songs ever. The title loosely means "The happiness that I want"  in English. If you know Mandarin, the lyrics are actually incredible. She is from my country too :) I love her haha, since I was like, 12 or something.

Anyway, I've been going wild. It has been a lot of fun though; I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. I've adopted a pretty devil-may-care attitude in life lately, which is great because this is really who I am, and I'm becoming more and more comfortable to be as crazy as I was before. Because honestly, I don't give a shit about a lot of things in life and I think that's okay. I'm still being responsible to some slight degree.

Friday night I had a dinner date with Dutchie. He wore a some sort of floral shirt again with neon orange pants...hahaha for some reason I STILL find him ridiculously adorable. I'm smitten I know. We had dinner at some shitty bakery that was supposed to be good, but my squid ink curry tasted like ass (I'm still allowed to say this because I haven't tasted ass, although someone tasted mine lmao). We quickly ate up, it was a good dinner, I told him a few of my quirks and he laughed a lot (like how I'm an old person and sleep with earplugs, an eye mask and socks at night...It started frosh year when my insomniac roommate would have his computer light on at 5 am, and with the clicking of the keyboard, I just had to have complete silence and darkness to sleep now. Haha. And the socks are really just because I sweat a lot under my sheets and I hate sweaty feet) We then headed over to a helipad rooftop bar, where the line was an hour wait grrrarrrll, but we got up in the end and joined our other friends. There were literally no Asians around. So many white people in my country really! Expat bubble seriously. So I mingled a lil, got to know a couple of cute dudes, none were gay though, Dutchie's cute Brit girl friend hooked up with this absolute Swedish cutie. Music was great, view was gnarly dude, and I was lovin' it. I suggested hitting up the gay bars again (I'm such a scene queen), and this bitchass girl told me "Omg but why should straight people go to gay clubs, my straight friend went and he was traumatized for life when a guy tried to touch him, I don't think I wanna go" And I went ballistic. I was like "Well your friend's a fucking fag for being such a pussy, honestly now he knows how girls feel like in clubs so he should be a fucking gentleman and stop grinding up on pussy anymore if he doesn't like the feeling of guys trying to get fresh with him" And she was like "omg chill out!" Whatever ho. SO ignorant it really makes my blood boil. In the end we ditched all the fug bitches and bounced to the gay bar with Dutchie and my local gay friend.

Dutchie talked to me a lot again, and told me that three weeks ago he told his bf that he doesn't love him and wants to break it off. His bf told him he has to go back home and settle it first before he can come to a conclusion. He asked me if I was his bf, wouldn't I want the same? I told him yes. I told him I need to know though, if we are going to remain friends forever, or friends until May, because this matters to me. He gave me a vague answer and said "All I know is that I like you." He also told me that he hasn't been having fun, with like hooking up with his bf and stuff. I told him we're gonna drink tonight, and I wasn't gonna try anything with him, but he needs to let his guard down. As usual though, I couldn't really control my drinking, and did hold his hand for a lil bit. He didn't resist. My army straight ally buddy came again with his lezzie friends, we had a whale of a time, other cute girl friends of mine came too and my army buddy was like "Gay people hang out with such cute girls!!!" I got really really smashed though :( And blacked out again...Somehow ended up sneaking into the storeroom and stealing a bottle of beer, and using the bar counter to open it, which led me to getting kicked out with a huge scene. I'm terrible I know. I don't know how to deal with my alcoholic troubles. This always happens...fuck. Other people feel sick, I don't I just go crazy with absolutely no restraint. Bah...Dutchie ditched me and I called him and told him not to talk to me again. Haha.

In short, Friday night was fucking terrible. I got banned from my favorite gay bar here, and Dutchie and I fell out.

Saturday I met up with Aussie for seafood buffet lunch. It was pretty good, other than the fact we were in line for an hour. After that we were stuffed, and walked around for a bit. We were really hanging out like buds. He tells me he met up with 2 really muscular dudes other than me on his trip, one who's 21, the other's 36. He bottomed for the 36 yo dude, but came really quickly because he was high on poppers. He showed me pictures of the dudes' bodies, and I started feeling kinda shitty because my body's clearly the worst out of all of them, but Aussie tells me that he hangs out with me the most and that I shouldn't care too much about shit like that. I tell him, yeah that's actually true, we're like the definition of fuck buddies, except we don't exactly fuck. Hahaha. Then I drive back to his hotel where we attempted to take a nap...haha. Pretty much just ended up getting naked and cuddling on his bed. He actually fell asleep but I couldn't. It felt weird. It's actually a pretty nice feeling to lie beside someone. I really enjoyed it. Anyway, this was the most I've ever spent naked in front of another person. Seriously just naked the entire afternoon in his hotel, cuddling and watching TV. He showed me a couple of sex positions lol, without actually boning me of course, but he kept growling and saying he wanted to. Like there was one where I'm lying on my stomach, and he's above me and just pounds me while grabbing my hair. It's probably the most normal sex position ever, but still it's new to me. When he was "pounding" me I started laughing again thinking how this is like porn. Seriously this is all so amusing to me!

We then went to his hotel gym to work out for a bit. There was a pervy dude there that kept impishly grinning at us. He left, and we started getting a bit kinky and making out and grabbing dick while bench pressing. Hahaha. It was super hot. Like, I would bench and he would spot me, and after I'm done he'd bend down and kiss me with his head the other way from mine. We then did sit ups and when he got up, I kissed him too. Haha. Then we were like shit, there's a camera. Lolol. Then we got back to the room, I showered while he did laundry, and we were prepping to hit a gay club for the night. He wore a brief with the front being mesh and shit haha it was pretty hot. We got to the club, paid 25 bucks for free flow, and we started getting drinks and just talking about dudes and checking out the people in the club and everything. A Turk comes to talk to me after Aussie leaves to get us drinks, and he asks if the Aussie's my bf. I said no. We start talking a bit, and he asks me if I have my eyes on anyone in the club, and I said well, not really. And he sweet talks me and tells me "Why not? I've looked around and you're definitely the cutest guy in the room so you can get anyone you want" Bullshit. Apparently after I leave he tells Aussie guy that he thinks he's cute too. I joke to the Turk and say that my Aussie friend says he's itching for a threesome tonight, and the Turk's like "I'm open to anything." I laugh, because it was a joke, yknow? This older lady comes to talk to me with two of her gay friends (seriously I am a cougar-magnet) and after a bit of talking she asks me if I'm gay or straight, and I say gay and she's like "damn it." Lol. She's super cool though, so Aussie and I sandwich-dance with her a bit. Turk comes in and says something about wanting to get in on this. I tell him I'd show him something, and I lean in and make out with the Aussie. The Turk grabs me and starts making out with me too, and for some reason I don't know why but when people make out with me, I feel bad and don't usually reject them. I didn't find him attractive at all, but we make out anyway. Then he makes out with the Aussie, and for some reason, we do a three-way kiss...Like three tongues and shit. I was like, wow, hahaha. Pretty hot that everyone was looking, I've really just gotten to the point where I don't give a shit about what people say. I tell the cougar that I think this Asian dude is cute, and she wings me and gets me to talk to him. The guy says he's honored but his bf wouldn't be happy. Dang it. Every time I find a dude cute, he's attached :o(

So I go outside and there's a guy who I think is Spanish who offers me a cig. I take it, just because really. I don't even really smoke. We make a lil small talk, and then I ask him if he's scouted out any cute guys in the club, and he tells me "Well...there's you." HAH! Dude. What a great line. I laugh and say thanks and shit, and for some reason we start making out too!!! And I'm like what??? I find Aussie and he's pissed I didn't pick up my call and I apologize and say I was making out with that dude. I feel slightly slutty for saying that, but honestly it was just harmless fun. We go back in, and Turk tells us we should bounce and go to the gay bar that I got banned from. I walk up there nervously, the bouncer totally recognizes me, and tells me to own up to my shit. And I apologize and say I was super drunk and offered to pay back for the beer I stole. I pay him, and he tells me the next time I do something like that he would call the cops. I say yes, definitely not gonna happen again. I get in and I'm ecstatic! I love this bar seriously because people are chill, friendly, and the drinks are great and cheap.

Here was when things started getting weird and shitty. Memory's a bit bad, but wasn't entirely blacked out bad, but apparently I got a number from someone (I texted him and was like How are you, I met you at (this gay club) right? and he was like, "No we met at (this gay bar), and I was waiting for you and you didn't answer your call." What the. I have no memory of this dude. I apologize to him, and he texts back "It's okay, you're forgiven, spank spank (spanking emoticons)." O.K. this is not one gay-bro I want to contact with) We left to get some mickey d's, and there was suddenly a fourth dude in our gang. Like seriously, Aussie and I were discussing today, he popped out of nowhere. Lol. Some lil Asian guy, who was kinda sassy. He really wants to get into Aussie's pants. Aussie says no, because of me, and I tell the Asian guy in Mandarin that he and I are just friends, and he's welcomed to go ahead. Drama ensues, because Aussie tells me that I'm acting like a dick (apparently I kept telling him "fuck off bitch" and I actually left an audio message to Dutchie "fuck off bitch" too. GRARRRLLL. How do I control my drinking really...) and the Asian guy starts grilling me that I was lying to him, that Aussie and I are banging, "your car is parked at his hotel!" And I'm like we're not banging! (not technically) And everyone gets pissed at me because Turk apparently thought the threesome was really happening "Fuck you guys! I bought you guys drinks and shit you led me on!!!" And my mind is just going crazy thinking about what the hell is happening, I just wanted friends and people wanted to bang, and so I bounce with Aussie and I crash at his place.

So this is what I've learned. I'm a bit of a fool. I think it's fun to make out with people, but I've learned that this so obviously sends the wrong signals to people, who are all about the goddamn sex! It's so weird! I can't believe the Turk really though we were gonna have a threesome with the Aussie. I can't believe the Asian dude was really pissed also that Aussie didn't want to bring him home. We were just four friends having drunchies at Mac's seriously, why does sex have to come in?

In the morning I wake up Aussie dude, and we cuddle a bit naked in bed again, he starts packing up, I watch TV, then we take a shower together. Haha. I like taking showers with people now. My phone is dying, so I turned it off the night, and turned it on in the morning with 6% battery left and my parents freaking out because I didn't tell them I wasn't going home...I drive Aussie back to my place (parking was so expensive omfg it was 21 bucks haha cos I parked overnight), he waits in the car, I appease my parents and apologize to them, and then bounce and grab lunch with Aussie. Showed him the suburban neighborhood of mine, he said it looks like Australia. After lunch, I drive him to the train station, and he starts wanking me off in the car. I tell him I've thought about how people drive and someone's sucking them off, and he reaches over and starts sucking me off. It's bright out and I start thrusting in his face a lil. It was incredibly hot, I reach over and touch him and he's stiff too. Hah. Then I drop him off at the station, we do a farewell hug, he tells me he'd give me a big kiss if there wasn't so many people around, and I tell him to come visit again. He tells me to visit Australia to flyboard with him.


(This is flyboarding. Basically, Iron Man in water and it's so cool I have to try it)


Oh and yeah, Aussie gave me a parting gift. Hahaha. Gonna miss hanging out with him.

So I think I'm staying in tonight. Way too tired haha. Was gonna go to Holi with Dutchie but I crashed in the afternoon. I made plans to have dinner with him tomorrow, and I'm gonna bring him to have local food. So yeah! I don't know what to think about how wild I've been so far, but honestly I've done this with girls in college haha... I guess I'm a bit of an asshole, but I'm just having a bit of fun! I'm gonna be a lot more upfront about the no-sex policy though with people I meet in the future...In other news, I've not been going to the gym much...yesterday doesn't count since we mostly were just fooling around. And also I think it's kinda crazy how I've not made out with a single Asian yet, out of the 7-8 people I've messed around with...I'm so not sticky rice material.

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