1. I've decided to turn off my Jack'd notifications. What a horrible app seriously! It is completely not a dating app - I am sick of all these muscle men sending me their pictures and telling me they want to "fuck me so hard and deep". It's actually really fucking annoying, I'm not a slab of meat! It's also horribly distracting - every time I see a notification, I jump at it and wish that it's some decent guy around my age who just wants to talk and maybe grab a beer together. It's never the case. It disrupts my work a lot, and I finally have real stuff to do at work today, and it kept pinging off and I kept checking it. I'm not deleting it though, just in case there is an infinitesimal chance that someone that I actually like would contact me.
2. Speaking about work, I felt so bad at work today. I have been constantly texting, and Jack'd-ing the last two weeks, and when I finally had some real shit to do today with a real deadline, I completely fumbled and was unable to deliver anything useful. It was partially because of this that I hurt somebody that I cared about, but I'm afraid that things probably cannot be reconciled anymore. I have to accept the consequences and move on.
3. I brought stuff from work back home to catch up on reading, but I went to the gym after work today, and came back, had dinner, and now it's 10 pm and I'm going to shower and probably just fuck it and go to sleep. I'm a horrible employee. Also, I'm no longer aching from the gym when I get up the next day...I need a new workout routine! Maybe when I have time I will check out the Spartacus workout. Also, maybe I should really get more dedicated to this and sign up for Men's Health and start buying protein shakes since I clearly cannot eat enough to put on bulk and get jacked.
4. Speaking of Jack'd though, I'm supposed to meet up with a cute Aussie dude for a beer when he visits in about a week's time. He'd probably flake, like all gay people on gay apps, but oh well we'd see how it goes.
5. GODDAMMIT Dutch dude has been mega-subtly flirting with me on Facebook every goddamn day, and ARGH he's so adorable but PAINFULLY monogamous in a long-distance relationship, I am being really mean but I would not feel too bad if something bad happens between them and I get to save the day (although please make it some time soon, he is leaving back for the Netherlands in June!) And this is the girliest that I have ever sounded in my life, I sound like such a whimpering love-struck fool.
6. I Skyped a friend that I haven't seen for a while last night. He's a footballer and a fraternity brother at MIT, and has been in a stable relationship with his boyfriend for about 8 months now. It was really cute when he was gushing about his boyfriend saying "awww he's so adorable...I love him" and I couldn't help smiling haha. It was really nice to catch up with him because he never told me he was gay, I couldn't tell at all. Apparently he went through a mega-slut phase, and hooked up with any gay person he could find, yikes. Also, he started lecturing me on using a lottt of lube, and on getting myself tested for HIV regularly, and for not panicking when the condom breaks for whatever whatever prophylaxis, and I started getting really frightened because it really does seem like the costs outweighs the benefits. He also told me his family was initially in denial about his homosexuality, but have now grown to merely accept it.
7. Which brings me to the point that I am truly extremely fortunate. I lucked out completely. My friend illuminated to me that I have a 100% "we love you" rate to all those I've came out to, even to my extremely religious Christian friend, who told me not to be silly, and that he is my friend before he is Christian, and friends are there for each other, which honestly made me smile so much. I don't think he agrees with the lifestyle of course (because he probably thinks it's a chosen lifestyle), but hey, I gotta pick my battles here. And it got me thinking today that hey, maybe I should do something for the gay people of my fucked up draconian narrow-minded society. There is a gay pride thing here some time in June, maybe I'd attend that (although I most probably would be back in the states then for graduation - woohoo!), or maybe I'd volunteer at some peer support group or something, and let people know that there are 50 shades of Gay (yes, I know, perpetuating stereotypes here...) and that not everyone is the same, and that it is okay to be gay, and we are all trying to navigate our way in the world to be happy.
8. Hopefully this does not make my blog adult-content. I was looking through my old spring break photos (nostalgia, really) when I chanced upon this photo. Oh boy. My friend would probably flip shit if he ever finds out that I posted his photo, but more than anything he would probably be flattered. He's fully aware he's hot anyway, and is terribly desired by both guys and girls at school. This here is one of my good bro-mates really. I took this during our spring break Eurotrip where we shared a bed together (innocently), and in the morning he scrambled to take a picture of whatever that was outside. I snuck this shot while he was doing that. I shall admit it wasn't the first time I started having naughty thoughts about my friend hurhur. We rode a tandem bike around town earlier in the week (He was recovering from a broken right foot, I was recovering from a broken left foot, so we decided to mutually help a brotha out lol), and there were guys wolf-whistling us and calling us gay and shit. We laughed it off, but secretly inside I kinda wished it was true? Baahhah. I've had pretty goofy memories with this guy though. There was once we were at a party together just drinking and catching up and stuff, when this really drunk girl (who he later tells me he didn't know) stumbles in between both of us (rude bitch) and was all like, "OH MY GOD ARE YOU ____?" and starts talking to both of us. She was incredibly forward, and after like 2 minutes of mindless chatter, she propositions a threesome. My mind started going wild, and I was actually so down for it I didn't even care if this was going to out me or whatever, but unfortunately the girl wasn't very attractive, and so my friend looked at me with disgust and gave me the "let's gtfo" signal. There was another time we went to see a live sex show at the Dam, and I was stoned as fuck really, sitting in the front row watching this woman spread her legs and shit, and she asked for volunteers, and my friend went up on stage. She was so convinced he's gay (it's his floppy Zac Efron hair and pretty boy good looks) she kept talking about it on stage during the performance itself ("Come on you don't have to be shy, I love gay boys like you, they're adorable") and he had to eat a banana off her vaj, it was so gross I laughed and gagged so hard. Other than that most of the other times I've spent with him has just been chilling on the roof of his frat smoking weed and shooting the shit while staring out into the darkness, or going down to the beach with a mat and he would bro-tackle and bro-tickle me, and I would just get so confused by all these "no homo" activities. He would also ask me about fashion advice. He was also in the only frat that I ever considered joining, mostly because most of the dudes inside were really cute haha. I might see him still in the future since he has mad yellow fever and plans to work in Asia. I'm still harboring hope that he might be bi and just waiting for the right guy to come along ;)