Saturday, March 16, 2013

Weekends are what I live for


I'm so happy now I was dancing in my pool today and just generally lovin' life. Work is really boring, but weekends are what I live for. I have A LOT of things to say. I'd break it up into a list (I like making lists):

1. On Tuesday, one of my army buddies wrote in our armybuddies Whatsapp group about some girl, and was like "Well whatever I still like her boobs anyway." And for some reason, I decided to come out to them. I did it subtly, and told them "Haha, I don't like boobs actually." Then Buddy 1 sent me three pictures of hot girl asses and was like, "You an ass man?" and asked me to rate them. I said "Yeah they're pretty hot, but I'm not into butts either..."

Buddy 2:  "??? You like chicks with abs? You weird bro"
Me: "No, I'm not really into girls."
Buddy 3: "What do you mean you're not into girls? You're asexual?"
Buddy 4: "He's an amoeba..."
Buddy 2: "Wait, boobs are too mainstream for him, he's such a hipster, he's a pedobear he likes em small and young"
Buddy 4: "Wait guys, we're all forgetting that he's a frequent target of cougars. He doesn't like boobs, he likes saggy tits"
Me: "Wtf guys, do I really have to spell it out?!?!"
Buddy 1: "Wait...interesting. Are you trying to tell us something?"
Me: "Yes, I'm gay, Jesus Christ guys!"
The rest: "Ooohh."

This was really one of the weirdest coming out stories ever. After that they were super cool about it and they said they still love me, and called for an emergency dinner meet-up the next day for drinks and dollar oysters. I met up with them, we all ordered old-fashioned ("no bitch drinks for us"), and I started telling them my whole story blow by blow...Okay, double entendre right there. They were all super intrigued. One guy told me he thinks I'm bisexual, I just don't know it yet. I was like "lol no I know I am not into vaj. Period." They started naming celebrities and asking me if I thought they were hot, and it was so funny because all of us were thinking about hot guys at the same time, and one guy said "this is kinda gay man" and we all laughed. It was so great because they really didn't make a big deal about it. Most of them told me that I'm the first gay guy they know that actually came out to them, and that they don't really have any gay friends at all so this is kind of exciting for them. One guy was really asking me a lot of serious questions because he said he wants to break into the psyche of a gay man. Haha. I even showed them my Jack'd profile, and some of the guys on it. They saw my picture and told me to change it because the picture I used suck (I told them I wasn't getting replies lol). Funny that a straight guy gave me good gay advice. It was so nice that they were all so nice, and we even made plans to go a gay bar next weekend. Yes, me and 4 straight guys going to a gay bar. It's incredible really that I've found such accepting friends in an otherwise conservative country. Now they've sent me so many pictures of fashionable and attractive guys over Whatsapp, all of our camera rolls are filled with gorgeous men lol.

And yes, I went to the army. National conscription for two years before college started, thus I graduated when I was 24. I'm old, I know :o( It was an interesting time, maybe I'd write about my experiences another day.

2. My dad's friend invited me over to his place for dinner and drinks on Thursday. I went after hitting the gym, and his place is super swanky. It's really what I imagine myself living in when I'm in like my early thirties. He's forty-ish, and his partner is thirty-ish. Yes, my dad wanted me to have a gay mentor. I was really awkward at the start though, because he was showing me around the house and showing me all the art installations he had (he had a skull of a walrus...), and I'm really not an art person at all so it was kinda weird that he was explaining each piece so much to me. He has a very moderate case of The Limp Wrist,  but he was super super nice. Now his boyfriend though, was really quite the stereotypical "fabulous" kind. He said "Shall we have dessert now? Please clear the middle of the table so I can just lay there." I was like, uhyeahok.

My dad's friend was incredibly nice, and opened so much champagne and wine that night, it was definitely more than a thousand bucks in total. He's super rich (most of my dad's friends are...) but was very down to earth too, and was very nice to talk to actually. Some advice was pretty strange though, although I understand why he did that. He tried to convince me that my country can be good for me too, and that I just need to be more open-minded. Hahaha. I don't know about that dude. He also told me that I shouldn't fixate on Caucasians (He asked me if I preferred Caucasians or Asians, I said Caucasian) because Caucasians have a totally different culture from us, and at the end of the day, Asians understand Asians much better. I really beg to differ. The reason why I said I prefer Caucasians wasn't really because I really do, but because culturally and emotionally I cannot connect with Asians as well. My "culture" really isn't Asian. I know I'm pretty messed up for saying that but it's just the truth. I got really drunk in the end, and he asked me to play some music that I like, and we blasted m83's Outro on his sick B&O stereo system. All in all, we had 1 bottle of champagne, 2 bottles of white wine, 1 bottle of red, 1 bottle of sake. He told me he'd introduce me to his gay friends, and maybe some cute younger guys too haha. While at his place also, I received a few booty calls from a couple muscle dudes in the area on Jack'd that wanted to meet up it was kind of amusing. I was incredibly incredibly sleep-deprived and still drunk the next day at work though, gah.

3. My team at work had a team BBQ on Friday, so I offered to drive a few of my colleagues down there. Now they know I drive a BMW to work... One girl saw my car and said "Oh." Lol it was kinda funny. I generally feel uncomfortable letting new people know about my family background though, but they were nice about it so it's fine. My colleague hosting the BBQ is Korean, and dude sickest barbecue ever really. We had rib-eye, churrascaria-style roasted pineapples soaked in rum, and a couple bottles of red. I left early though, for a house party.

So last week I went to a gay club with a few new friends. One of them invited me over for a house party. I use the word house party loosely though, because it was a hotel suite here:

He invited mostly his school's exchange students, so I was like "yeah totally I'd go!" I wanted to make new friends anyway so I was excited to go. I am so happy I went. It reminded me so much of freshman year when I would hit the frat quads, except way classier this time of course and we were drinking fancy shit (I brought a bottle of Ciroc, which is actually my brother's...he's gonna kill me lol thank god he's in Australia). We went up to the infinity pool too, and I took a gratuitous tourist photo yeayuh, finally! Back in the suite I met new friends from everywhere. Germany, Australia, Spain, France, Sweden, Holland, Denmark, etc. I felt really good because this was really the kind of people that I wanted to meet. I also felt really comfortable because no one would judge me for my American accent...I feel pretty awkward some times when I have to switch to speaking in a more localized accent with the locals here. It's so weird really that I sound completely American, I remember most of my friends back in the states thought I grew up there.

Also, I completely ignored all the girls and only spoke to the dudes at the party. Lol. Many of these guys were really attractive too. I know I'm really shallow, but I love making attractive friends...sue me. There was one particular Dutch guy, and we really hit it off well right from the start. I now have absolutely no problem in telling people that I'm gay (only to the right people of course), and so I told him, and I could tell he was, because he was very slightly dramatic with the hand gestures haha. But he has a really nice set of eyes, and I was really attracted to them. Needless to say, I hit on him hardcore. He told me he was really flattered, but he has a boyfriend. I still kept talking to him though, because I knew he was eyeing me when he was talking to other people, he would look over at me some times and smirk. After a while though, my memory started to become usual.

I woke up in my dogs' room with both of them licking my face. I know I had a good night out when I wake up in my dogs' room lol. I Facebook messaged the Dutch guy and apologized for being so aggressive last night, and he replied to me and said that I'm fine, he's cool with it, and if it makes me feel any better, if he didn't have a boyfriend he would totally date me. I smiled so much after that. This guy is really cute too! We said we'd hang out more in the future. It's so great to have cool gay friends now, especially since all my other gay friends from before have somehow become pretty mean and aloof to me... There was another gay guy too at the party from Poland, and he's the faaabulous kind who shimmied a lot and shit haha, but it's ok because he's really nice, and also um, really fit and cute (he has a boyfriend too though).

4. Today I had a mad chill day. It's Saturday night but I'm staying in. Way too much booze for one weekend. I kind of abuse my body some times because I'm being dumb and think that I'm invincible.

This is a picture of my pool. I tanned by my pool today, went to the gym and worked out for a bit (it was a bad workout I wasn't really into it), went into the sauna and chilled, slapped on loads of body lotion and hair serum and sat in the locker room feeling so incredibly supple lol, I know, pretty gay haha. I got home, had a good dinner with my mom, told her about the Dutch guy (I confide in her everything now, partly because I love her so much and we're so close I can tell her anything, and partly also to let her know how I'm doing, to allay her fears that my depression isn't coming back again.) and all. Now I'm back in my room listening to some Young the Giant.

5. Jack'd. Hmm. So okay, in the past I really didn't get many messages at all, and virtually no replies from the cute guys I messaged. And I was feeling really shitty. After my army bud told me to change my picture, I decided to upload a faceless shirtless pic just for the interim period until I could find a better pic. I took down all my face pics, and went to bed. I kept it for a total of 12 hours, and ended up receiving 34 messages. Holy shit. Everyone was clearly looking for a quick hookup though, which is understandable because that's the message I was sending to everyone with that picture. So I decided to take it down, and uploaded a face picture instead, and wrote a really decent bio, so that I hopefully would be able to find cool new friends who would identify with what I wrote.

Now I've not shown my face before this, but because I honestly have no problem telling people that I'm gay anymore, and I no longer feel like it's a bad thing (in fact I highly suspect I'd love it a lot), and also because very few people read this anyway so it doesn't really matter if I show my face. I hope nobody expects me to look like a model or something, I know some of the stuff I write here comes across as really arrogant (especially since I say I like having attractive friends).

Anywayyy, so here's my profile. I'm bad with this whole dating game shit, so I really didn't know what picture to upload so I just took one with my iPhone and uploaded it lol.

I wrote down some of the music I listen to, and the TV shows that I watch. I've been getting a lot more messages and replies than I did with my old pic, but definitely less than with my shirtless one. It's weird still though, that with such a profile, people are still incredibly thick and message me "hi want to fuck?" What the...I made it so clear that I'm here to make friends, or go on dates with people and shit. I thought this was a dating app, and not like Grindr. How strange. I also receive a lot of messages from the Malay and Indian population here, because according to them I don't "look Chinese," which is also pretty strange to me because I think I look very Chinese. I showed my picture to a girl friend back at college, and she laughed and said "I love it you look so seductive." I don't think I do! Or at least it wasn't my intention to, maybe that's why people are still sending me booty call messages. Some of them are incredibly hot though, like super muscular and shit.

Anyway, I've pretty much given up that I can find anyone from this app, it's still kinda fun just to see what's around. I did the world search thing, and homed in on my college. Holy shit. I found one of the guys from my finance class. I remember the first time I met him. He came with my Israeli friend (he did the Israeli army and took a gap year, so he was 23 as a freshman lol) to a small gathering the international students were doing. I recognized him from my finance class, he did too, so he came over to talk to me. He was eyeing me quite a bit, and I immediately sensed gay vibes from him. Because I was still terribly in the closet back then, I played it cool and was kinda cold and aloof to him that night, just so he wouldn't suspect anything about me. He's actually a pretty cool guy, and is incredibly smart and is working at Blackstone so he's killing it. I messaged him, and told him that we should chat and catch up, but he hasn't replied me...I hope I didn't scare him off or anything. I think he's in the closet too, since his Facebook actually says Interested in Women...I hope he doesn't think I'm going to out him or anything. Or maybe he just doesn't remember me anymore, and thinks I'm being creepy.

6. I have a really good friend from college that is incredible really. He's super friendly (he has 2700 friends on Facebook and I'm pretty sure most of them are real friends), super chill, funny, and awesome really. I went to his place for Thanksgiving and his parents were such incredible hosts. I came out to him over Facebook by showing him my other blog (I created another blog with just one entry to come out to my friends back in the states), and his reply really touched me.

"Heyoo! I didn't read the blog link till just now! Dude--I had no idea, about any of this. Thanks for sharing it with me, it really means a lot. I'm so glad that things are hopefully on the upswing, and that you're realizing how incredible of a human you are. You've always been one of the most wonderful people in my life (I know all of our friends would agree with, as well as my parents--they still ask about you ALL the time), one of my closest friends--and I'm sorry about not being great at keeping in touch, definitely something that I REALLY struggle with, and your friendship has meant the world to me. And that's not just me talking aimlessly, it truly has meant so much to me. You've always been someone that lifts peoples spirits, can make anything fun, and make people comfortable in the skin they're in. I gotta get ready for a final (this shit is the worst), but I'll talk to you soon!!"

I love him man. This has been so, so, SO much easier than I thought. Never would have I imagined this really. 

Alright man. That's it! Gonna watch a couple episodes of Modern Family, and maybe sleep early tonight. Also, I think I'm gonna stop taking my antidepressants, I really don't need them anymore. Life is super awesome, and I'm so happy that things are finally going well now. Take it easy y'all.


  1. 1. That's cool. For my bmt buddies, I know one is gay although he hasn't really come out to me but it's quite apparent (plus I saw his face pic avatar while lurking on a local gay online forum haha and also judging from the friends at his 21st party). I suspect another bmt buddy is probably gay as well. I do have a guy from my vocational course who is out to me though. He's also the guy that I almost revealed my secret to.

    2. That's nice of your dad :) I dunno about you but I've at times thought it would be nice to have a gay mentor to show me the ropes regarding sex ie practice sessions so I won't be so noob when I meet mr right.

    Disagreeing with your gay mentor, I feel cultural differences can be overcome if the right effort is put in. Just look at how many eurasian kids are running around here nowadays.

    3. Yeah, I avoid telling people the area where I stay lest they think i'm uber loaded.

    How is it you go away for 4 years as a post-teenager and still acquire an american accent? What was it like before you went? Have you seen how cambridge/MIT educated Chan Chun Sing speaks? haha.

    5. I think you need better lighting for you pic.haha. Here's an interesting youtube series I just found call thegrindrguide:

    For what its worth, I think you are above average in the looks department.

    6. Awww.

    Great to know you've changed you outlook!


    1. 1. There were a lot of gay people in the army with me.

      2. Hold up -- show you the ropes with practice sessions?? What are you saying lol!

      3. I picked it up when I was there really quickly. It's much easier so that everyone can understand me better. Now it has become such a habit it's almost like the normal way I actually speak. I only speak in a more localized accent to fellow locals, but switch when talking to non-locals.

      5. "Above average" ... gee, thanks, lol. Nah, Jackd greys it out for the bio, but if I click the picture itself the lighting is pretty good. I'm too lazy to really find a better picture of myself (it really isn't a very good picture and I'm also not very photogenic), and I rather meet people in real life anyway, this is really just for fun with zero expectations.

    2. 1. Really? Anything worthy of a blog post?

      2. I mean like giving me Kissing or Cocksucking 101 inclusive of "practicals". haha


    3. 1. Yes. And no. Many were pretty fem. Most I did was check out the straight guys with good bodies that's all.

      2. Okay, seriously, I don't want to get physical with my dad's friend. That's so weird. Also, he has a boyfriend. I also don't know if I'd talk about sex with him at all? I think you mean more like just dating an older guy. And also, kissing is really easy. Lol. I think I'm a pretty good kisser. Some people are really bad though, I remember one particularly sloppy girl...

    4. 2. I'm not talking about your dad's friend or asking you to get physical with him. Call me weird if you want but what I meant was a hypothetical no strings attached hot gay mentor that one can get constructive criticism on those kinds of things from. Though I don't know how it will work out in real life.


    5. Sign up for Jackd bro. I'm getting hit on constantly by older men, some of which have pretty good bodies.

    6. lol, eww. It's just a passing thought I've had infrequently by the way. Not looking for some chee ko peh, mind you. Although older men can be so sexy. Oh and I'm such a tech dinosaur that I don't own a smartphone so no jack'd, grindr or scruff for me for now.


    7. You don't ever sleep dude. Also, I meant more like 32-35, there's no fucking way I'd ever think about anyone above 35 unless its Bradley cooper

    8. Yeah, my sleep cycle is more than a little skewed for various reasons.

      Omg Bradley Cooper, yes please!


  2. It's great your army buds are being cool with the gay thing. I think a lot of guys our age are caring less and less and are actually mad supportive. Pretty crazy that your dad set you up with a gay mentor haha. I had thought of talking to a friend of my dad's who is gay but haven't yet. Glad everything is going well man, and about the antidepressants, if you're gonna stop them, do it gradually but, don't discount that being on them has helped get you to the great place you're in now....

    1. so right about the antidepressants...and thanks bud great to hear from you again