Sunday, April 14, 2013

Enough to let you go


I'm fucking emo now. I didn't think it was possible but I honestly feel so strongly for this kid. I hung out the entire night on Friday (we had hookah with a couple other exchange kids), and the entire day on Saturday with him. I brought him to eat more of my local food, so that he wouldn't forget me. We goofed around in the malls, me trying on dapper suits and blazers, and him looking at all sorts of crazy patterned shorts, like paisley and shit. He has pretty gay taste dude...haha. Like this is what he wears whenever we meet up:


Look at those fucking pants!!!

At night I cheekily told him to come back to my place with me cos I needed to change out of shorts to pants since I was gonna hit the clubs (first time straight clubbing in like, a month dude.) and I pushed him on my bed, and told him "you know I'm gonna regret it so much if we don't even kiss once" and I just lean in and kiss him. He was very resistant at first, but he relented. We kiss for a really long time. He was so nervous, and clearly I'm a lot more experienced at kissing lololol, guess I did have a lot of practice with chicks too...but yeah his teeth kept knocking mine it was kinda strange, so I just went on to just sucking his lips. We cuddled a bit, and each time we kissed he kept telling me to stop, but he didn't resist. I sent him back, since he wasn't on the guestlist for the night, and I went to join my other friends.

The club fucking sucked. The music was incredibly loungey, yet bassy, and there were so few cute dudes around. I talked to a couple of guys though, and a Swiss and a Frenchie added me on Facebook. Frenchie was really cute actually! Except he's like 5'5.5"... Helped wingman a chick in my group one of his French friends, they were really eating each other's faces out. I stood there, wishing that Dutchie could have joined me instead, and after a while at 2.30 am, we bounced, I talked to two Swiss dudes outside, and they somehow decided to join us (think they were eyeing the girls in our group) to the gay bar I always go to. It was empty as fuck, and I was bored and pissed off with one of the Swiss dudes who was being homophobic and who actually talked smack about the drag queens there in front of their faces. They turned around and told him "white boy fucking kill yourself." Actually I'm beginning to realize my country's pretty xenophobic, well, every country's pretty xenophobic. I guess I'm...xenophilic?

Anyways, today Dutchie told me that he's having a really bad day, that he spoke with his boyfriend and his mom, and he really needs to go back in May. I told him that I'm going to back off completely now, and he didn't like it. I told him "Goodbye" on the phone, and he told me not to say that, because it feels final. My friend just texted me and told me that Dutchie called him crying, and is going over to his room now to talk. There's so much drama in this whole shit dude. But I feel horrible that I made him cheat on his dude. I just wish I can find a new fuck buddy or something or whatever to take my mind off him.

I had cake and beer (odd combination I know) with a rugby friend of mine from high school. This is different from the other pervy shithole I met the other time. This dude is good-looking, funny, popular and reminds me a bit of myself actually. Yeah, I'm arrogant whatever lol. He hasn't had a girlfriend in 24 years, so yeahhh. We caught up and talked about old friends from high school and shit, and after a while I came out to him. He was cool about it, though he's really Christian. He told me he's straight though heh. I don't know about that dude...But anyway, he's migrating to London (he went to school there anyway) end of May, and so we promised to catch up more times here before he leaves, and I'll probably hit him up in London. I told him I really wanna go back to the states, and he encouraged me to just take up the job in my dad's NYC branch, since once I get past the hurdle of getting an employment visa, it's gonna be much easier to find other jobs there. I thought about it and it makes a lot of sense. Might as well yeah, as nepotistic as it is. So I'm considering this now, although I would probably have to work my ass off in NYC...

I'm also deciding my vacay, taking no-pay leave from work. I haven't talked to my boss yet, who clearly hates me but whatever she's fat and old, but I'm thinking of taking maybe...1-1.5 months off in June. Tentatively, I'm thinking of flying to Hong Kong, then San Francisco, then Chicago, then New York City, then Paris, then London, and then maybe join my college friends for grad trip somewhere in Europe, or just go back home. Gonna be visiting friends in all these places except SF, which I just wanna hit up the gay bars and shit. Haha. Also to just generally get a feel of the West Coast (haven't been in like 10 years), probably smoke a lot of weed too, and other stuff.

I don't know. I'm feeling pretty shitty though about this whole Dutchie shit. The fucking problem is I really fucking like him. What the fuck why do I??? I have no answer to that, but affairs of the heart are honestly rarely rational.

No comments:

Post a Comment