Friday, April 26, 2013


[edit: On second thought, idgaf, so I'll just post this.]

Work sucked again, but by the end of the day it got better. My buddy at work is awesome, I love him so much, he is so patient with me, and really coaches me, unlike my lady boss...

I asked a friend about my Jackd picture, and he told me that it's not representative of me lol, that it's way too bridge and tunnel Brooklyn kid, when I'm a Manhattan guy yeayuh!!! (Figure of speech of course, obvi I rep the +65 instead) Guess it's kinda true though, it's a pretty ghetto picture, which is why I'm now faceless on blogger again womp. He told me I should wear my usual clothes, and get rid of the backwards K-Fed trucker cap, haha. Although honestly, I wear my caps backwards all the time, I just like how it looks, and how it doesn't fly off when the wind's really strong, especially in Chicago.

I also know that I have been sounding a lot dumber and narcissistic on my blog. My troglodyte text-speak as of late has been heavily influenced by my constant conversing with Aussie, who types shit like "wen u gunna cum 2.australia???" and for some reason I find it adorable, and have oddly imitated it. Along with the usage of "nite nite" to say good-night to people. Also not gonna lie, I have let quite a bit of the attention that I'm receiving from men get to my head. I'll be more mindful in the future to not come across that way, but I'm not gonna back down though. I'm very opinionated, and most of the time, when I'm not crumbling and shitting bricks, I'm very self-assured.

I met up with my middle school teacher for dinner, who came out and had to leave his job. He's now a comic book writer. I wrote a post a while back on here where I mentioned I wrote a rather lengthy status on Facebook, and he contacted me, and he hinted that he may or may not know what I'm going through. I told him it has nothing to do with me being gay, and he told me that someone in my grade told him that I'm gay, like a few years ago. Wow.

Anyway, so I met up with him, and it was an extremely strange dinner. We clearly do not see eye-to-eye on many issues. He is such a gay rights activist, and I'm more like, I want to be just like everyone else, but not hide the fact that I'm gay. And he tells me that I'm conforming to "heteronormativity" of society, when there have been no standards set up for gay men and we need to make one for ourselves and not borrow them from straight people. I told him that I disagree, because other than my proclivity for the wang, I don't see myself as very different from straight guys. I said I disagree heavily with the sex-seeking promiscuous culture that seems to extend, for many people, way beyond their initial formative "second puberty" horny-as-fuck months after coming out (I'm still allowed to have my manwhore phase, if this continues however 10 years after coming out, then yes, I'm a fucking slut but now I think I'm okay). I also told him that I think open relationships are poor and pathetic commitments. And he told me that I am incredibly judgmental, and that I need to know that cheating is okay, and that the only reason why straight monogamy was promoted in the past was because condoms weren't invented, and STIs were rampant, so governing bodies (religious and not) institutionalized marriage as a way to prevent STI epidemics. However, now that condoms are invented, moral standards should change along with the times, and be more condoning of cheating, or polygamy.

I was fucking taken aback. He asked me if I was religious, because my "prudish" stance suggests imbibed religious overtures. I said no, I was just raised to be a good kid. And he said it's all subjective?? I don't know, I was so confused. He told me that all men cheat, many straight guys cheat, so because gay men are prone to twice the cheating, they shouldn't be held accountable to the same "heteronormative" standards. I really had nothing to say. I saw his point, but honestly, I feel like it's an excuse for gay people to just fuck around and feel justified for being "born this way." It's like how a rapist would say, I'm a man and it's just natural for me to want to ravish this woman walking alone in the park, so it isn't my fault.

I also told him how I don't identify much with gay culture, especially with the worship of divas like Adele, or whoever else, and I said I just don't understand it. And he said it's because women are traditionally seen as submissive, and these are people breaking the stereotypes as strong women, and so gay people identify with them. I guess I never thought of it that way. I also said that I don't get why so many are limp-wristed, and he said gay people just feel more relaxed to be more expressive without caring about conforming to society standards, insofar as to maybe imply that in the future when I get more comfortable "with the scene," I would start flapping my hands around like a dolphin. Um what excuse me? I noticed that in front of me he was a lot less limp-wristed than I remembered him back in middle school, where I already long suspected that he's probably gay. I mean dude, he had every album of Madonna's. Some times, I feel like the older generation really does come with a whole baggage of struggles to reach to today's quasi-liberated society, that I don't know, they think they have the eagle-eye perspective for everything. Well, I disagree with almost everything he said. But it's fine, I'm not championing anything. I'll just do my thing. It's all very interesting to me really. I realize very few people think the way I think. Especially because I haven't had anal sex since I think anal sex is completely unappealing, as much as everyone insists I'm a bottom waiting to be punished, lmao.

He also told me how he went through a phase where he was really into Mongolian guys, who looked like the type who would gallop by on his horse and grab you with one hand and rape you through the forests up the mountains...Omfg. It was an extremely vivid and hilarious description. I legit lol-ed. This dude used to teach me Science, and we watched Futurama episodes in class. Now he's showing me pictures of guys that are "his type" on his iPhone.

These are a few examples of "his type":

Warning: these are bears.

I was like whutttt. Granted he's a stocky dude himself. But seriously, I showed him my Instagram page and a few of the 97 male models that I follow, and he told me that he thinks they are all "twinks in [his] vocabulary," including those with an eight-pack and the V-line muscles. Dude is cray. It's hilarious. He linked me up with a few ex-classmates who are gay, and honestly, I have nothing in common with them. They're very flamboyant, and they worship divas like the Williams tennis twins, because they "grunt a lot," and other things. Still, it's not like I hate them, so I'm gonna meet up with them still, cos I think it's useful for both groups of us to interact more. One guy told me he's bi, and I laughed because I was reminded that back in school he used to blast Toxic by Britney Spears on the classroom speakers and crawl on the teacher's table doing her sexy diamond pose thing, and I was wondering which girl would be fine with him doing that...


  1. there is nothing bad about your post! i guess i agree with pretty much all you wrote. i don't see a committed relationship as being hetero-normative. why does everything has to be judged hetero or gay? cheating is not gay or straight. open relationships neither. i am not an activist myself, but there are things i stand for and yes sometimes i'm hurt along the way....

    1. thanks JF! yeah...i really don't think cheating is a reflection of gay or straight behavior; it just shows moral weakness to a commitment to a person who loves you.