Thursday, May 30, 2013

2 a.m. summer night

It's all a little fucked up cos I had that "interlude" forwardflash shit, but basically,

Sunday:

I texted Dutchie to apologize and he told me not to worry about it he knew I was drunk and was glad that I’m safe. I started having a semi-serious talk with him, and basically wormed it out from him that he’s most worried about the distance if he starts a relationship with me. I told him I’m going up to Europe for three weeks in July and I haven’t planned it at all because he mighttt break up with his dude and we can go traveling?? I don’t know, now that I write it out I seem really really fucking stupid. He also can come back in August to visit before school starts, and then in January he can get an internship back here too. I also told him that my dad could set him up for a job in HK, and I have my own apartment there too, and we can live there yknow??? And blahblah and I think it reassured him that I’ve been thinking about this. It’s insane the lengths I would go for him, really. 

After that I got to packing up my shit. That was when the 20-year-old German guy messaged me. On his Jackd account, he put his race as “mixed” and put up pictures that didn’t really show his face, and when I finally asked for a face pic, it was so obvious he wasn’t mixed. He was really determined to meet up even though I told him I was flying off so soon, and he said “nvm quick one ;)” The only reason why I decided to do this was because I thought it was going to be a wicked story to be told. I didn’t find him attractive tbh, he was just a regular kid. When I saw him, I was even more bummed because he sounded so confident online but offline he was this immensely awkward tall kid who didn't even want to look in my eyes that much. This was actually a really bad hookup tbh, but whatever I'm not really affected by it. 

When we got up to my apartment, he wowed at the view for a bit (this is a picture of the view from my bedroom window:


This is a view at night:

)

and then he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him he doesn't look mixed at all, and he's like oh I lied about that because Asians prefer Asians and wouldn't want to be with a white guy, didn't you face the same thing in America where people would not view your profile because you're Asian? Well, douchebag, that may really be the case, but you're basically a fucking cunt. We got into my room, and he told me straight up he doesn't kiss people that he just met, and I'm like, uh yeah sure, and he doesn't suck people off too, because he's afraid of "diseases," but then asks me if I top or bottom, because we could have a quick fuck. I'm like, wow how is that being on the safe side of things, and he's like, "oh everything's safe with a condom." Right...Anyway, so I proceed to just jerk him off a bit and his dick is just massive, so were his balls. I was wanking him with two hands and I was pretty awed by it. However, he lay there like a limp fish covering his eyes, and using his other hand to feel my abs and my chest. He commented about my abs and my body, and squeezed my butt a couple of times, but that's all he really did. I sucked him off for like five seconds, but then there was a pube that got into my mouth and I was so turned off so I only jacked him off after that. As he rubbed my nipples he was like "your nipples are really small" I'm like uh okay, thanks asshole. When I commented about his dick being pretty big, he was like "I think mine is pretty average... (no it's not, it was definitely at least 7.5"), maybe it's because you're used to Asian penis and they're all smaller." I have no clue why I continued jacking him off. I contemplated asking him to leave, but I thought that was even more awkward. When he came he didn't really shoot like spurts, but there were blobs that flew everywhere. When I came, it was embarrassing because it was only a dribble since I jacked off that very morning already, and he commented that "Asians seem to never shoot, only dribble." That isn't true at all, because with Dutchie and Aussie I shot like pornstar far yo. I wanted to tell him "it's because I'm not at all turned on by your dead fish demanor" but for some strange reason I let him off the hook. When I was putting on my clothes, he tells me that he's here for a week because he misses Asian boys, because they're smaller than him (he's 6'2") and usually bottoms for him. I couldn't wait to get him out of my house. 

I really pitied this boy. You see, I agreed to the hookup because I thought it was amusing I was getting a quickie right before I flew off, like damn dude that's a pretty hot story to tell! But this guy, I could see it in his eyes that he was pathetically addicted to sex. But in a completely non-romantic way, in how it's pretty obvious that he's only searching for submissive Asians (more submissive than him??? Dude no one's gonna be doing any fucking since this dude's a fucking limp lettuce) with all the fucking and no foreplay. I felt really sad for him. He was so awkward, and actually pretty effeminate in the way he spoke too. I'm sorry he found the wrong Asian guy, I'm not about to squeal meekly and let him do whatever he wanted with my ass. What a sad kid really. I left for the airport feeling like nothing actually happened (I'm pretty good at just amortizing off shit that isn't worth my time), and bam, I'm back here in the motherland. At least the dude was young, and not fat, and had a big cock. I really could have done much worse haha. I talked to Aussie about this and my park hookup and he was like "that's pretty hot n slutty but wished you could have found cooler people to hook up with like me" Haha, dude cracks me up. He said we should do a HK trip together and we can run amok and have threesomes LOL. I told him I might go down to Sydney some time and he said he'll try to make it and give me loads of white cock. Uhhhhhhh....sure! Why not?? Hahahaha.

Well, all this really depends though on how it goes with Dutchie. The thing with the German guy, I only feel half guilty about because well, I'm not really dating Dutchie at all so I'm allowed to have my hookups, plus we didn't kiss and only jerked each other off, although I know that if Dutchie finds out that I'm not being a celibate lil nun he'll flip shit so I'm not gonna tell him. [turns out he's not a celibate lil nun himself, so much for all the idealistic love bullshit he gave me]

MAN. LONG UPDATE. Good thing I split it up yo! That's it folks!

Intermission: And then it hit me


Things have still been on a rollercoaster ride with S. Leading up to this week he has told me he isn't sure if he has feelings for his bf, and that he couldn't bring himself to kiss him. Two days ago, he messaged me that he had something to tell me to be honest with me, and that he can't type it out without crying. He then FaceTimed me crying and sobbing so hard, saying that he realizes he still has feelings for his bf after hanging out for the 5th/6th time, and that maybe he shouldn't lead me on. I calmed him down and said that it was a long established fact that he's so torn because he loves us both. The only finality is which one he loves more. He started smiling, and after a while things got okay, and I asked him what he wanted to do, and he said he wanted to FaceTime as much as possible, even if I didn't want to. I said okay.

The next day I forgot to bring my phone to work, and when I got back, I realized that he was panicking because I didn't say good morning to him, and my last seen at on Whatsapp was before I left for work. He ended up FB messaging my sister and two of my other friends, asking them if they have heard from me, as he was concerned and worried. I smiled a lot, and told him it showed him something. We talked a lot after.

Then I used a sticker on Line, with a girl riding a giraffe. It's a running joke between us that he's the girl and that he's riding a giant dick. He laughed when I sent him that and he said, "Sometimes I really do need dick." I said "Do you not get enough?"

He said "I do, but not much."

Turns out he has been fucking his boyfriend ever since he went back to the Dam, and he told me it "felt good but it didn't feel right." I told him what did I do to deserve so much hurt and suffering from him, and yet for some reason I still soldier on? He apologized and said he should have been honest with me earlier, and I said no, I didn't need to know that at all.

I cried today, and talked to one of my really good girl friends back in college. I am going to tell him that I need some space from him to reassess what do want from this, and that he has been unfair to me and selfish so far to think that he is being open with me when he is doing nothing but hurting me. I have absolutely no clue why he is so torn between us, because it really should be simple. It is so self-righteous of him to constantly criticize how much I log on to Jack'd and how I love checking out cute guys on Instagram/real life, and yet he's so horny he just fucks his boyfriend when he's still torn between the two of us. I'm done with his immaturity; this was really the final straw. I need to take back control of the situation, instead of letting him wrap his fingers around me. After taking a break from him for some days, I plan to give him an ultimatum and not to drag it on anymore, and that if he chooses to go to China with his bf in July, I wish him all the luck cos it's birdflu fucking nation and I hope he dies from it. Okay, won't say the last part. If after our break he tells me that he's going to be with his bf, I will tell him that I've already thought about it and that he doesn't even deserve to be with me, for he is weak and cowardly. 

Johnny Depp has a quote: "If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." He will be awake soon, and I'm going to calmly tell him the first half of what I wrote. I deserve way more than this. I need to believe that. I deserve way more than this. I deserve someone who loves me back. 

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Feelin lit, feelin light

Saturday:

I went off to see a really big art fair in Hong Kong by myself, since neither GRB nor birthday chick (BC) were free. Throughout I kept taking pictures and sending them to Dutchie, and we would comment on them together. Really wished he was with me. I was really happy we started talking again, and everything felt good. The girls at the art fair were all incredibly edgy and well-dressed, attractive, and sounded intellectual. The gay guys were hmm…as usual, pretty campy, but there was this dude who looked like he could have been snapped by the Sartorialist really, and he was drop dead gorgeous. I followed him for about 5 minutes. Basically, all I did was scope out hot guys and follow them. I’m not really that into art, Dutchie is though, which is why I wished he was there with me.

Then I got home and did a gym sesh. I’ve been doing dumbbell flys? Chest flys? Whatever, basically, flys, now, and man my chest has been aching really well! It is pretty self-explanatory if you look at my picture that basically I am chestless, so I’m really trying to build up my pecs. I’m a total pussy weaksauce as I can only bench a mere 80 lbs 4 sets 8 reps each on the Smith Machine, which is already supported so theoretically I would be benching even lower with free weights. Nvm, everyone starts from somewhere. Showered, threw some clothes on (who am I kidding? This gay man right here planned his wardrobe for his fucking trip yo, I wore a light pink tight-as-hell dress shirt with a checkered black vest, I wanted to aim for classy Gatsby-esque but not a suit since it’s really hot to club in a suit, although I used to do that back when I was a douchey banker), and was about to leave but Dutchie FaceTimed me and I ended up being 45 minutes late…hahaha. He’s so adorable though I couldn’t resist it! 

At the dinner, I run over and hug BC and apologize to her. Now this girl is actually one of my best friends from college. It is all a bit strange because back in college I went over to her apartment all the time, and I got to know her roomies really well, and…basically, the guy she was “dating” at that time was sucking me off on the side. I know, it’s horrible, and I’ve mentioned this before on this blog. I apologized to BC about this after coming out to her, but she told me not to worry at all because she knew she wasn’t really “dating” him since he was never physically interested in her, and he actually told her back in soph year that I’m bisexual (well, he’s wrong). Then she went on and dated a guy that was actually into her, but they broke up cos she’s now in Hong Kong and he’s in the states, but honestly…I also felt vibes from the dude that he might be gay too. Poor gal, always falling for the gay guys…In fact I vaguely remember from the night she holding my hand and slightly dirty-dancing with me, and really looking into my eyes and at my lips :S

She introduces me to the whole table, i.e. a gaggle of girls, but strangely they made me feel very comfortable. I think BC told them that I’m gay, because it was mentioned somewhere but it wasn’t a big deal. They were so nice and cut up food and put them on my plate! I think part of the reason is really because they’re all international school kids, which was why I got along with them. We opened two bottles of wine here, gave her a card and a cake, and then left for a hookah bar, where I bought BC and I two flaming Lamborghini cocktails each, and this 17-year-old half-white dude from my country one too. It was wild, I got a really good buzz from it, plus flaming lambos are so showy and douchey I love em. The half-white youngling asked me a lot about the army, as he’s really afraid that he wouldn’t be able to connect with the locals there and end up being ostracized or bullied. I told him not to worry, just go in with an open mind, and you’ll come out of it feeling really accomplished, like I did. The army was the first time I interacted with people outside of my social bubble, and I actually found that I liked these guys a lot because they’re very simple and easy to get along with. Did I hang out with them outside of our barrack days? Nope, we just didn’t do the same things, but that’s chill. I could tell he was visibly reassured, and he told me he’ll hit me up when he gets back to the motherland to serve da nation. 

I also had another GnT here, and then we headed off to this pretentious members-only club. Back during my hedonistic heydays, I lapped shit up like that like crazy. These are a couple of pictures of the bottle service that my friends and I got back when I was a full-fledged douchebag:




 


Holy SHIT, everyone must have hated us so much!!! Everything was about excess back then, it was one heady heady summer that I think back occasionally with cautious fondness. Now though, I've calmed down a lot more in terms of spending, but I guess not really when it comes to drinking...

Managed to squeeze ourselves on the guestlist due to this well-connected socialite in our party. Here was where things got blurry. I remember feeling invincible; the dark lights, the million pictures that we took, the crutch that I borrowed from this temporarily handicapped chick in our crew, my explanation to this guy who asked me if I was BC’s boyfriend: “No I’m not, I don’t like girls dude!” “Oh, sweet, so you like me!” (Don’t flatter yourself…), the pounding music and the dancing, the endless shots bought by the girls and their boyfriends, starting from midori all the way to tequila, a bottle of Moet, and then I don’t remember anything after that. I have vague flashes of wolfing down a lot of French fries, and my phone reveals a google maps search history from Nearby: Mcdonald’s, but how I lost my friends, I had no clue. I checked my phone after I got it back, and apparently I texted Dutchie furiously on the dancefloor. Man…I get really needy when I’m blacked out. He wasn’t having any of it because he knew I was drunk so he told me to stay safe and somehow I told him that I knew it that he doesn’t like me because he thinks I’m a robot and he looks down on my race…both of which is extremely funny because I have no clue where I was going with the robot thing, and Dutchie is quite the rice queen (for example, he thinks that so many dudes in my motherland are hot but I really don’t find them attractive at all). 

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Roll it up, take a hit

Friday:

I crashed the entire flight there. Dad’s driver picked me up from the airport and I crashed in the car again. Got back to the apartment, stunning view as always, then met up with gym rat bro GRB for dinner at the shopping mall below my apartment. Quick story about my dad’s apartment in HK:

I stayed there for the summer of last year when I did an i-banking internship there. The apartment’s in an extremely prime location, right beside the W Hotel, above a luxury shopping mall, and I remember when the A&F store first opened in HK, there were 100 A&F models parading around the mall every day for a full week. I was heavily heavily distracted by them everywhere I walked. Girls would go weak in the knees when they saw them, and I swear one of them in a makeup store squealed when one fittie waved at her. Looking back, if I was out as a gay man, I would have totally scoped out all the parties that they were attending and found a way to get into the invite lists. I’m not kidding: before I die, I want to meet a male model. Not necessarily A&F model, but a male model.

Now I know A&F has been receiving loads of flak recently for a really old interview that CEO Mark Jeffries (who totally fucked up with his botox and shit, dude looks shitass nasty yo) did for saying that A&F ain't for fatties and only for hotties (okay honestly though, I don't own anything by the brand because I think it's completely unfashionable and boring, also the cuts are obviously only for dudes with bulging muscles) but whatever, all these models are really stupid but really attractive and really incredibly in shape so I'll still watch this asinine lot:


Basically, abs abs abs abs abs.

Anyhoo, back to dinner with GRB. He came in a nice fitted gray suit with his chest bulging underneath a light pink shirt. The thing about Hong Kong is, everyone dresses so well, it makes me feel so at home haha. The people in my country however, are usually dressed horrendously for work. Not only do most guys not wear suits (because the weather is too hot? Dude, same weather in HK), the girls are the worst. I’ve seen chicks come in knee-high boots, Ugg ankle boots, crocs, frilly dresses that just barely cover their butts, and I look at all of them with disgust. Maybe it’s because I’m gay, but whatever, I hate it how people dress so badly. 

We catch up over Japanese and soon both of us got a pretty good buzz from the sake. Dude’s a legal assistant about to take the New York bar. Both of us are now working for local firms that have a dearth of international folk, which we sorely miss. We lament over the fact that it’s pretty hard to connect with the locals, because let’s face it, international school students are hands-down the most fun. I realize that this is one social bubble that I still find very difficult to get out of: the international school bubble with its crowd of trust fund babies. Almost everyone dresses well, is uniquely wealthy, better-than-average looking, and speaks perfect English, while still passably being able to converse in their mother tongue. And every single one of them loves to drink and party. Totally my type of crowd. Of course, you have to sieve through the arrogant assholes that think they own every single shit in the atmosphere – I’m talking more about the more humble folk, nevertheless still with a slightly more generous wallet.

We then head over to some bar and he gets four Macallan on the rocks, and I get 3 GnT. After running out of topics to talk about, he asks me about the “girlfriend situation.” He told me he hasn’t really found anyone that he can connect with, plus he’s really busy and for now would prefer to focus on himself…and um his muscles (I added the last part, seriously, I couldn’t stop checking out his body back during our sauna days.) I decided there and then I was gonna come out to him. He asked me how are the women in my country, and I say they’re fine and everything but the reason why I haven’t found anyone is because I’m not attracted to girls. I give him a short summary of my coming out journey, and he handled it really well. Initially he was confused when I said that because he thought I meant I wanted to be a monk lolwtf um no, I’m way too horny to be a monk, of course I could be a Catholic priest though…I kid. 

He told me I’m the first non-feminine gay guy he knows, and so he started pouring out all these questions that he has been wondering about to me. He said he never felt comfortable around the one gay friend that he has because the guy is practically a girl and always tried to be mildly flirty with him which made him uncomfortable, which made me uncomfortable since I totally molested him in the past but I guess I was “bro” enough for him not to care. Some of the questions were extremely odd. He asked me if I was disgusted by vag. He also asked me if I prefer trimmed or shaved pubes, what determines a pretty penis, whether I am turned on by going to a men’s locker room like a guy would if he went into a girl’s locker room. He even asked me to rate him, from a gay man’s perspective. This question was hilarious. I didn’t want to answer him directly because tbh, I think he’s cute and his body is to die for, so I told him that if he went to a gay bar, he would be molested quite a lot. He did a fist bump and was like, “hell yeah!” Hahahah, oh the simplicities of a straight man’s mind. After that, we made plans to have lunch on Sunday before I leave again (alas he couldn’t make it to gym with me on Saturday morning due to “parental problems,” I hope he wasn’t nervous about going to the gym and sauna with me lawl, but yes bummer I totally would have checked that boday out), and then I headed off to a gay bar by myself. I’ve covered that in my previous entry. 

Monday, May 27, 2013

Crush a bit, little bit

FoC: Sorry I tend to delete my entries that I have written in a non-sober state, including the strange video that I did when I was pretending to camp my voice up. About lost and found, I didn’t even know where I lost my phone at that time though, so I didn’t know where to start. Probably could have avoided alerting the parents by calling my phone from a public phone but I panicked and messaged them in case they needed to cut my line (my phone bills’ still paid by them…)

And I fully hear you about drinking too much. My parents are extremely upset also that I have gotten myself into potential life-threatening situations multiple times in my life due to blacking out from drinking; Dutchie was also very concerned about my safety and would frequently lambast me for it. My biggest problem is that I love drinking, I love feeling buzzed and tipsy, but I really lack the control mechanism that everyone has, of feeling nauseous or bloated from drinking excessively. In my case, I graduate from buzzed to black out, with nothing in between but a burgeoning sense of foolish invincibility bestowed upon me due to my youth. I can’t even remember how I black out every single time I black out, which are never planned. Steps I have taken to counter this have included me driving out to bars and clubs that I go to, and generally trying to spend less money too since Asia is so much more expensive than America when it comes to partying.

----

Okay, so my frequent announcements of crossing each 1000th pageview are completely dwarfed by the mammoth figures that No Hetero receives. It is thoroughly entertaining still, to see that there are people from Finland, Brazil, Canada (probably JF) and South Africa coming here and reading what I feel is now an entirely self-absorbed autobiography that no longer really deals with “coming out issues” or “finding a gay identity” as intimately as before. Seriously, I have no clue why there are people reading this, but I guess it makes me happy. Bulk of the folks though comes from Hawaii (that’s you FoC!), California, New York, and Massachusetts.

----

Now. My weekend. As usual, I live for my weekends. Each one HAS to be exciting, if not…well, everything wouldn’t feel very right. Be warned: this entry is very long, so I'm splitting it up into four entries.

Thursday:

Dutchie did not check in on me after I ignored his messages on Monday (he knew I read them though, cos Line shows that), and I was getting increasingly frustrated and grumpy by this. I spoke to R about this, and he finally told me that Dutchie FaceTimed him yesterday and told R that he’s puzzled by why I didn’t reply him, and that he asked about me, and told R that he thinks he loves me because what else can explain why he always smiles when he’s with me? I smiled, but my heart sank too. There is a line in 500 Days of Summer (I’m a sucker for rom-coms) that I was reminded of:  “Some people are meant to fall in love with each other but not meant to be together.” It was such a hard pill to swallow.

Meanwhile, my army mates decided to have a gentlemen’s night, a “bros before hos” shindig at my place involving an inordinate amount of Hendrick’s gin and tonic (along with Japanese cucumber slices), copious amounts of Mandarin karaoke, and an all-out nerdy-as-fuck League of Legends smashout. I wasn’t feeling good cos of Dutchie so I told them hos don’t mean shit to me, so why would I care about bros before hos? (Three of my mates have girl problems hence they all decided to come over) One guy said that for me it’s “bros before homos” and I rebutted him, “but what if I found myself a bromo?” And he said “Well, then your life is complete.” Hehehe. Truedat.

I finally caved and uploaded all the adorable photos I took of Dutchie during his time here on Facebook, and tagged him in them, so I could initiate a convo with him being “hehehe just uploaded your pictures.” I know, lame. He replied almost instantly, and we started talking again. He told me he’s not gonna lie and say he hasn’t been thinking about me. I asked him if we could Facetime, and he agreed. I immediately became so happy. He talked about his mother’s birthday surprise, the cheesecake he made, his brother’s wedding, and I talked about how I went to a fashion show/after-party, and how my army mates (which he has met before at my fav gay bar) were going to come over soon. I finally asked him if he wasn’t gonna talk to me at all if I didn’t try and reconnect first. He said he was thinking about writing me a letter, and snail mailing it to me. I laughed and told him I wouldn’t have had the patience to wait for a goddamn snail mail from Amsterdam, you buffoon. We laughed, and it felt good :o)

My army mates came soon after, they said hi to Dutchie, and I told him I’ll talk to him later. One of my mates that haven’t met him before remarked to me that he thinks Dutchie’s a good-looking guy. I smiled from ear to ear, “yes he is.” After that things became really wild. As I promised Dutchie I wasn’t going to drink too much, I pushed most of the G&T over to the rest of the heartbroken fellas, and we sang our fricken hearts out on my karaoke set. It was so much fun hahaha. I love Mandarin songs they are so cathartic. And I killed them yo, damn, I was buzzed enough to not care about how loud I was too.

Then things got shitty (but funny) after we proceeded to my brother’s room so I could use his desktop PC to LoL. The rest of the kids set up their laptops, and we started hardcore nerding out. Two of the dudes were so fucking wasted by then, and an epic picture of the night was taken:


The middle dude was so mad pissed when he saw this he was like “fkQ guys, this is not funny at all especially since [my name] ACTUALLY is gay” Hahahah

Another dude dragon-vommed all over my brother’s bathroom door, bathroom mirror, bathroom floor, and all over the other passed out dude on the ground with dolla bills all over him. NONE OF US KNEW because we were so engrossed in our game can you believe it??? Only until the smell assaulted our nostrils did we turn around. One dude also kicked my brother’s Ducati motorbike poster and the frame broke. Dude. The frame’s custom-made and costs 200$!! After cleaning up the shit, I told the guy to take a shower, and half of them passed out in my brother’s room, the other half in the movie room, and I went back to my room and FaceTimed Dutchie. I was pretty drunk by then and I was talking to him completely naked, and after a while again I found myself jerking off in front of the cam for him…Hahaha, I know, I’m suchhh an exhibitionist. He liked it a lot though, the connection was bad and we disconnected twice, and he immediately called me back and was like, “Oh good you’re back on.” I really get so turned on when people are turned on! After busting, all my energy was expended and I almost fell asleep with the cum all over me hahaha. I showered, woke up the next day, woke the rest of the fellas up, and I rushed to the airport. It’s time for Hong Kong!

Sunday, May 26, 2013

AWWYEAYUHH

PHONE FOUND!! Man I had SUCH a crazy day?? I woke up finding myself passed out lying in front of the court of appeal (LOL??) at 6 a.m. with the rain coming down on me, my phone lost, and my head in a whirl. I told my dad I lost my phone, he called it, told me that apparently I left it in McDonald's!? (I don't even remember eating there), so I went back and got it back. Showered, crashed at 8 a.m., grabbed lunch with gym rat friend and said good bye, came back, packed my stuff, sent cheeky pictures to Dutchie, and then some German 20 year-old dude messaged me on Jack'd and within the last 15 minutes before I had to leave for the airport, he was on my bed and I was sucking his incredibly, incredibly thick and big cock off and jerked him off till he came everywhere (I am so sorry, cleaning lady...) I'll update about my entire weekend including the weirdest shortest hook-up I've ever had when I land back in the homeland.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

:/

There has been other stuff that has been going on in my life which are mostly :D to me which I'll update another time, but something happened last night which has gotten me feeling a lil :/

I'm in Hong Kong now, and after having a great dinner + drinks with my gym rat friend who asked me a million questions about homosexuality after I came out to him, I decided to go to a gay bar alone slightly inebriated. When I got there I was really disappointed because the recommendations that I got from all the dudes from Jack'd was the bar that I've been to last year with my gay friend when I was still a "straight guy" back then. I got in and it was the worst. What is wrong with me? I keep going to gay bars even though I hate them. I think the only reason is that I am addicted to the attention. I walked around the tiny establishment twice, and quickly came to the conclusion there was absolutely no one hot at all. The bartender was really hot though; he was wearing a loose tank top that you could see some side boob and nip slip action going on - damn! Turned me on like crazy because dude is muscular as hell. He even took his shirt off to pose with some of the patrons, I melted haha.

As I walked around, this short little man starts caressing my arm, and starts to follow me. I was a little annoyed at first, because he was being very creepy by just touching my arms and following me while not saying a word. He finally turns me around and asks me where I was going, and I said I was checking out if there were any cute guys. Basically, we then talk for a bit by the bar while I hardly listened to him since I was just ogling the bartender. Because I was ogling the bartender a lot, this guy remarked to me, "Oh...you must like white guys a lot." Seriously? No, I just like hot guys, just because I check out one hot white guy doesn't mean that I'm only into whites. There was a pretty cute Asian guy in the bathroom and I took a sneak peek at his goods hahaha (the urinals are so close together!!) and man I was impressed, but he left really hurriedly and looked really drunk so I didn't manage to talk to him.

Back to this guy. He is what felt like a foot shorter than me (I'm not tall at all I'm like 5'8.5" but it blows my mind how much shorter some people are!), Filipino, mid-thirties, wore a fucking newsboy cap (he might have been bald), and just kept going on and on about how he thinks I'm really cute. I don't really enjoy the attention I get from unattractive people, to be very blunt. After a while he starts feeling up my chest, and playing with my nipples, and I started getting a lil turned on because I was kinda horny from the alcohol. He tells me he wants to kiss me, and I say no, and he asks why, and I say because I'm leaving soon...yeah weird answer.

Anyway, he somehow managed to convince me to go down to 7-11 with him to get a pack of cigs, after that he pleaded with me to go to the park with him. Like literally, he begged me. And this is the part where I feel really guilty now thinking back to the whole thing. I really despised him. I thought he was pathetic and desperate, and the way he was pleading to suck me off was just revolting. But for some reason, I still let him. We were in a dark alleyway, and he unbuttons my pants and starts wolfing down my cock like some kind of hungry animal. I felt this strange power over him, and I strangely didn't mind that this whole thing was incredibly sketchy. I wasn't even turned on at all by him, but honestly though, anyone who rubs my nipples gets me really hard easily cuz I just loveee nipple play. I didn't even touch him, or look him in the face, and I sure as hell turned down every single time he tried to kiss me. I don't even remember his face, only his stupid hat.

In that moment, he represented everything that I despised about gay culture. The senseless cruising for dirty unromantic sex, the stop-gap measure way of living, part of an entirely lowlife section of the population that I look down on. But I just stood there, grabbing his shoulders and face-fucking him really hard, and I liked how I basically dominated him, and punishing him like he was a lil bitch, and I kept telling him things like, "yeah you like that don't you, you dirty bastard" "I'm gonna cum now, don't you dare make a mess when I cum in your mouth, I don't want it all over my pants" and this is the first time I've cummed from oral. He continued sucking me and gagging as I shot into his mouth, and I started feeling really gross, because he spat it out and still continued to suck my dick, and I was like, fuck dude this guy is completely disgusting. I also shuddered at the thought of the taste of my own cum, which I've licked like once before and shit is nasty, but I just wanted him to fucking taste it and hate it.

I've been sucked off a lot more than I've sucked someone off. So far in my life, I've only sucked Aussie guy off multiple times, and the Italian asshole in London who stole my phone. I really do want to give someone a blowjob, but dude really needs to be hot enough or for me to be drunk enough I guess.

He took a piss in some corner and told me to wait up for him because he wanted to come back to my place, but as his back was facing me, I bolted and took a cab back home. What a disgusting creature, why would I let him back into my place?

I'm not perfect at all, and I write whatever I feel. I do feel incredibly guilty about the way that I acted, and the thought processes in my head, but that was really how I felt back then, and so I feel like I need to pen them down and reflect on them.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

:'o)


It's really interesting how emotional I get now when I watch videos like these. In the past I never even saw myself as part of the elusive and mystical GLBT community. I cried when I watched the video above. I'm not sure why really. Part of it is because in some ways I can empathize greatly, though for me everything was more of an internalized struggle with my imagination more than anything else.


This is my country's gay pride parade. I think it is so much classier than the kind of gay pride parades that come to my mind with all the campy pizzazz. I cried when watching this too :o( Also, there are three chicks in the video that I recognize from my high school, all very attractive, in fact, one of them I apparently kept hitting on in a club, even though my friend made it very clear to me that she doesn't bat for my team (at that time, my friend didn't know that I didn't bat for hers too, whutwhuttt??? MINDBLOWN YO!! K not really.)

I'm really sad I'll not be able to make it for this. I'll be in the states by then, in NYC most probably. I really want to witness this, to give me hope that my people are going in the right direction, even though the government isn't. Also, I kind of want an excuse to buy a pink shirt?? I have pink chinos, and like salmon red and maroon shirts/polos but why dafuq do I not have a pink tee??

Also, dudes should totally hire me to sing meehehehehehe

[edit: also, they have no clue lol]


Monday, May 20, 2013

Quick update


Waddup home fries??? I have 4000 views now! Wootwoot!

Couldn't find a manlier version of this lyric video but whatevs. Chorus is fucking SPEAKING to me right now, I say SPEAKING yo

I've figured out that joy is not in your arms
I know I'll always ache with an empty heart
I think it's time to run cause I'm seeing stars
I'm seeing stars watch me fall apart

Gonna keep my entries more succinct from now on cos my entries are fucking long. Here goes!

I'm feeling a lot better now. Friday I went to a gay club with two of my gay friends, R and his friend J, but I didn't have fun at all. I left, drove back, and stopped halfway to call S. I asked S if he would stop talking to me if his boyfriend asked him to, and he said maybe. I asked other questions, and finally asked him if he wanted to shut the door on me, yes or no, and he said yes. I was fucking mad with this fuckwad. I came back home, and talked to him till 5 am. He told me he's getting back with his guy, even though he can't bring himself to kiss him, and still feels like he doesn't really feel anything that strongly for him. What the flying fuck?? You know the phrase "we accept the love we think we deserve" ??? This dude right here is a shining fucking example of that!

It's really sad because I am so sure we could have been so SO good for each other. Too bad for him because seriously this is totally his loss. I would really have given an arm and leg for this kid (well okay maybe not). I'm also beginning to feel he is not good enough for me anyway, and I will find someone better. Meanwhile though, I still thoroughly miss him, but not in a way that it makes me cry though, so I guess that's okay.

Today is Monday and he finally messaged me back, after a string of long messages I wrote to him on Saturday saying shit like "I'm not gonna give up on us just yet." Fucker took so long to reply me. Not gonna reply him back for a while. Am also gonna upload all the pictures I took of him/us on Facebook and let him feel the wincing pain of missing out on all these awesome memories that he could have continued creating with me.

Okay sorry, I've really become a megabitch from this hahaha.

Saturday I went to the fashion show that one of my Jackd hookups...hooked me up with! Hahaha!! It was pretty cool shit, other than the fact that 90% of the guys there were basically girls (many carried actual female handbags, some wore high heels), one of the male models however is OMG, one of my fav A&F models hahaha, uhhhmmm I'll just link his pictures:

WARNING: COMPLETELY NSFW DUE TO MULTIPLE PEENS

He ran past me in his tanktop with a half-smirk and his chest bouncing errwhere and I went soft like a lil girl...hahahaha.

At night I went to the after-party, along with my army bros, and seriously I LOVE THESE BROS SO MUCHHH. One dude recently broke up with his girl, and the others also knew about my heartbreak with S, so the other two guys bought a bottle of Moet each...man, big spending. We had a blast, them checking out the chicks, me checking out the dicks (only the male models cuz as I said 90% of the guys were basic bitches), then dancing to the SICK SICK SICK beats by the DJs, then all hopped in my car, went to another club, I bought the drinks this time, then they all went over to my pad, drank more, passed out, woke up to find the guys singing karaoke by themselves...hahaha. These guys are seriously so awesome. They even asked me if I've taken it up the ass before and if I wanted to try...hahahah. The dude who broke up also confessed to me (under the influence of alcohol) that he once had a major crush on this really dudely IT consultant back when he was in high school! Hot damn!!! Hahaha. He assures me he doesn't like penis though, oh well :o(

Sunday I drove em all out to have some sickass shoyu ramen, AHHHH I LOVE RAMEN SO MUCHHH. Dude. Tamago (the egg) is. the. shit. Not lying when I say I can eat 5 of them at one go. Then I came back, tanned by my pool, and now am kickass bronzed yo. Today I had a good gym day, did squats too, and shitttttt it aches when I stand up haha.

So I actually had 8 invites for the fashion after-party, so there were a few other boring friends of R that came along. Some chick and some dude. Yo okay, so I really don't like average people, like, I don't see the point of being mundane and boring really. And that's what I find about nice people, more often than not, nice people are just plain boring. So take the blog that FoC recommended me, it's great and all, but it's so saccharine sweet, and written so obviously like a YouTuber going "subscribe to mah videos!!!1111" and with a style that is so incredibly smiley-face happy-nice that I just find it really fake!!! I really don't see any personality behind being nice, it's really one-dimensional....at least to me. Of course I'm not saying people have to be an evil shithead to be interesting, but being inherently a nice dude and being a smiley face Stepford wife is totally different.

SOME PICTURES OF THE WEEKEND:
Dream car, this or maybe the new jag f-type 



CALLING ALL THE BASIC BITCHES!
Also, totally randomly, but Aussie and I are still speaking! How awesome is that. He went sky-diving in the Gold Coast and he sent me pictures of himself. Cuteee. Heh. Might wanna visit him in August for a long weekend!

Also, shit I did today cos I was bored!


Ectomorph + being Asian = man my arms are tiny! Alright gotta hit the sack now, also entry still ended up being kinda long dammit

Also, this shit cracked me up:

Saturday, May 18, 2013

i really just have nothing to say. things with s are always such a rollercoaster. i dont know where we are at now again.


i've been crying a lot. i don't know. it's so hard to move on so fast. i need more time. in the meanwhile i feel neither here nor there, neither within nor without.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Dearest S

I was right. I was a complete mess at the airport last night. In the car on our way Dutchie was already crying. I told him not to. We had dinner, and I was being ambitious and tried to get him to eat even more of the local cuisine, crabs and whatnot, and we ended up not having a lot of time left. I started panicking, because I was stupid and now we didn’t have time to properly say goodbye, and we went to a corner and just hugged and cried. Sobbed really. My heart ached so much. Everyone at the airport was staring at me because I was just crying non-stop.

I’m pretty sure I really loved this kid. I came back home, cried to my mom, hugged her really tight, looked through all the images that we shared to each other on Whatsapp and Line, and I cried even more.

I really wished that things could have worked out between us. S was definitely the first “the one” in my life. I’m sorry that my blog has become really uninteresting as of late. I truly wish S all the best.

This is a letter I gave to him before he flew off:

Dearest S,

I've actually written this on my iPhone over the last couple of days, trying to think about what to say, or how and when to give this to you. It's not a very long letter really, but just some thoughts I guess that I wanted to pen down.

S, I don't know how to express to you how much you've meant to me over the last two months. It's mind-blowing really, thinking that it has only been two months. I started out this year completely in shambles. If you knew me before I met you, you would have been really shocked at how different I was. February was a time of anti-depressants and me coming out to the wrong group of friends. I was close to cloistering myself up under the impression that I was not going to meet anybody out there that I could connect with. I was severely depressed and disenchanted, but something clicked along the way when my mom told me that she felt very helpless when she saw me having a panic attack. I decided to branch out and make new friends instead, and that was when I decided to meet up with H, and through her I met R.

I owe R so much actually, because it was through him that I took my first step of getting myself up on my feet again and went to my first hotel room party. I will never forget that moment when I first saw you really, eating your box of chicken rice like a dainty princess in your multi-colored checkered shirt. As cliché as this sounds, you were really like a beacon of hope for me, that I was able to connect with someone out there.

It cannot just be mere coincidence that the day I decided to stop wallowing in self-pity was basically the minute that I met you. And you know me, I am an open book, and really I've had so many fond memories with you. There were definitely ups and downs, but through you, I learned a lot about myself, and through you, I aimed to better myself as a person. There are definitely still issues that I have that I need to clean up; but overall, you've really had a positive impact on my life.

I'll look back fondly at all the hawker centers we went to, at how I was trying to give you a slightly off-the-beaten-track taste of the local sights and cuisine. Sorry we never really did anything that fancy, especially since I know that you're a snobbish one. But I know that you probably didn't have much exposure to local cuisine what with hanging out with the exchange students, and so I just wanted to make your time here a more fulfilling one, given the limited amount of time I had with work and you with school and leaving in May.

Thank you S really, for the last few days. I have not felt this close to a person for a long time. You have become such a good friend of mine. I hope you had a good time. You do know that all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, that's why I constantly check in on you to see if you're having a good time. I hope you also had fun what with all the wildly cheeky things that I've done. Honest to God, I've never felt this motivated to be this playful before, hahaha.

You know how I am a highly emotional person and that I cry really easily. I don't know if I'll cry when I send you off at the airport but I wish that I wouldn't because I wouldn't want you to cry too. You'll still be happy back in the Dam and thus you shouldn't be crying at all, because exciting things are happening when you get back home. I might visit you if our schedules permit, or if well...you know, if other things permit too. If not, I'll see you some time in the future S. It might be as distant as forty years from now, but do remember my Dumbledore promise to you though. I really do mean it :)

Wishing you with all the cheekiest luck in the world,

Yours always,

K

(P.S. These are the lyrics to Future of Forestry - You

You are a promise
You are a song
Smooth like a waterfall
A sea in the calm

You are the summer
You are the sun
You are the desert plain
Where the wild horses run

I want you to know you’re the first thought
I want you to know the grace you’re made of
I want you to feel that you’re my dear oh oh
And I want you to know..

Deep as a valley
Sweet as a stream
Dark as a storm cloud
And bright as a dream

You are the summer
You are the sun
You are the desert plain
Where the wild horses run

I want you to know you’re the first thought
I want you to know the grace you’re made of
I want you to feel that you’re my dear oh oh
And I want you to know..

I want you to know you’re the first thought
I want you to know the grace you’re made of
I want you to feel that you’re my dear oh oh
I want you to know..

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

what happens when two people really like each other, but everything just isn't aligned for things to work out?

i'm being really stupid and crying a lot now. today dutchie leaves for the dam. i'll be sending him off to the airport. i don't know what's going to happen but judging from the fucking hot mess that i am now eating breakfast and sobbing like a lil bitch getting ready for work, tonight's not going to look very good.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Six foot, seven foot, eight foot BUNCH

First off, WHAT IS UP WITH THE GOOGLE SEARCHES TO MY BLOG?? It's really disgusting, people search the grossest shit and somehow end up on here wtf. I'm at work now idling my ass off as usual so I'm not sure if I can upload a screenshot of the searches but I'll try:


Secondly, I decided once again that I need to remain relatively anonymous online (I don't think anyone can identify me based on what is a completely gratuitous sluttyselfie), because the stories that I write on here could land me in some serious ass-whooping deep shit dawg if the people I talked about ever find this. Many stories are also totally unsavory (although pretty hot I guess? heh) and I gotta upkeep my image of being a fine-ass upstanding citizen of the society, bitch!

So okay...gee. I live for my weekends. Friday evening after hitting the gym, I headed down to my favorite hawker centre (basically an open-air food court) with the exchange students for their farewell kinda thing. Gave a lift to Dutchie and Canberrie (Dude's from Canberra), and Dutchie was being extremely sardonic in the car. When we got to the hawker centre the atmosphere was really weird because I made some silly gay jokes with Dutchie like telling him to lick my arm since he dropped some sauce on it, or I can't remember what else, but this Indian dude at the table was like giving me a judgmental face and saying "I don't know what is going on but okay, you're asking him all these questions...hmm" And I just felt like going "oh fuck off dude, I'm a fag CTFD it's not like I'm going to eat you (not a looker anw)." Like I got kinda annoyed because this dude is weird as fuck and he ACTUALLY meant it without even like half-joking like how everyone's always making gay jokes, but I can sense he is deathly homophobic. Anyway, Dutchie was still kinda curt to me, idk why he is always so curt to me in group settings really, he is hardly ever like that when it's just the both of us.

Said bye to all of them, tbh I know only like 3 of the exchange dudes, didn't talk to any of the girls (not interesting enough), and some of the guys were plain annoying (like this pretty flamboyant French dude who thinks he's super interesting), and then headed back home to shower and go off to my Korean friend's birthday thing. Turns out he got kicked out of his own like, events room or whatever at his condominium because of the noise level, and so they went over to his friend's place and I got the hint that I wasn't exactly invited since it wasnt his place anymore. Headed out again to the most disgusting overrated club in my country, filled with prepubescent bratty local toddlers yabbering on in some kind of mishmash gibberish creole ... basically there is absolutely no class to this establishment. Fucking exchange kids wanted to come here, and I felt obligated to come, and they were pre-gaming somewhere and I went over and just began downing all the shit cuz I didn't want to deal with going into the shitty club. Dutchie got mad that I was drinking, but I was still pretty in control. Then he mentioned that he saw some good-looking local guys around, and I was like "dude you gotta point them out to me!!!" And I told him I was gonna check Jackd and we can both check out the guys together, and he got mad at me!! Serious what is wrong with checking guys out? I feel like even if I'm dating a dude we could still talk about other guys it's not like I'm gunna cheat or whatever. Things started to get weird because I started to get drunker, and sweatier (the climate here is stupid hot), and when I found out the shitty club sold out and I couldn't get in, I dragged Dutchie to the no-cover bar right outside it with a/c and tried to thrash everything out with him about why was he being upset. He said I was being grumpy, and I said no, you're being grumpy. Then a friend from high school comes along (who's a totally out-of-proportion uterus/tank now...) and I talk to him for a bit about law school in London yaddayadda, and he tells me to catch him later at the smoking area if I smoke, to which I replied, yeah I do some times. And then Dutchie tells me in an incredibly judgmental tone "I guess it's better you're denied entry since you're going to smoke and drink your way to death anyway."

What. The. Fuck?

It was totally uncalled for. I smoke cigs like...once every 2 months. And most of the time it's just one stick. This guy has an insane stick up his butt, and I was just really stunned by what he said, and so I ran out to the main road and called R, and started crying to him again. He told me to calm down, and that I should go over to hang with him instead. I was going to do that, but then Dutchie runs over and I try to cross the road with all the cars there and he pulls me back and apologizes. I told him I don't even fucking smoke, but that's not the point at all, that he keeps doing this to me, tearing me down for the smallest shit ever and making me feel worthless. I was sitting along the curb crying and talking to him, and he was holding my hand. Honestly though, I was just really fucking drunk by this point. I get up, went to a dark alley to take a piss, and then in my drunken state I start necking him again. What is up with people who keep going back to those who mistreat them? I grab his dick and it was rock hard. Then I just kind of take his hand and put it down my pants and got him to jerk me off for a bit, and then I did the same back to him. After like 3 seconds though, he pushed me away and told me to stop, and frankly, I don't really remember what happened, but basically I ended up at home. Fucking cab driver tried to fleece me and brought me to some military barracks instead and I went ballistic on the poor dude. Still paid him the full fare in the end though...

The next day I woke up and found Dutchie trying to contact me on multiple social media. He was apologizing and telling me that he didn't know what gotten into him and everything was just really weird. He told me he has been a wreck because everyone's leaving and he's been feeling very irritable about it, because "everything is falling apart." As much as other people would think this shithole is making up excuses, I actually kind of understood what he meant. Clearly, last night I did that too. When things go awry I tend to become pretty self-destructive and hostile. We somehow made up and made plans to meet on Sunday. R said he doesn't get our relationship at all because it's always pendulating between being really good and really bad. I kinda agree...

So on Saturday though, I stayed home being a lil mopey and shit. Brazilian-Chinese dude did not log in on to Jackd from Friday evening-Saturday, so I guess that's a wrap. I got annoyed that I was staying at home and moping around, so I texted the Malay-Chinese fashion dude with the awesome pecs (MCF for short) and he was up for meeting up for drinks at a gay bar. He came pretty late, wore really skinny jeans, had pretty bad complexion actually...but he was a dudely dude. I was a lil worried at first because it's a women's line, but he just markets and brands it I guess? We had a couple drinks, just talking about how it's kinda funny how I can recognize the people I've seen/spoken to on Jackd in the bar, but very few of them look as good as their pictures (including this dude I was talking to...) so I was kinda disappointed.

After talking for a bit, there was a point when his face got really close to mine. He said that he thinks I'm cute, I thank him (I really couldn't bring myself to return the compliment), and then he leans in and starts kissing me. I was pretty drunk and mouth-hungry so I was like what the heck, lehgo. After a while we stuff our hands down each other's pants for a while haha, and then leave to get into my car and I drove off to some secluded area. We got into the backseat and I took his shirt off and his body is really gloriously fit, but he really does have pretty bad complexion and it was kind of a buzzkill. I jerk him off for a bit, and after like 30 seconds, he came.

What the what? I was kinda sitting there being a lil like, "hmm, okay so that happened." That was so fucking fast!??? He starts apologizing for being so quick, and for also busting the night before so there wasn't a lot of fireworks, but I told him not to sweat it, and we left to get food. Then for some reason he says he wants to spend the night at my place instead of taking a cab back and for some reason I think it's an okay idea. Got back, the dogs barked at like 4 am, I got them to shush, went up to my bedroom, we both got naked, played around on my bed for a bit, and then crashed. Got up at 10 am, and he was still sleeping, I had to nudge him and tell him I was gonna shower, and he was still lazing around in bed without getting the hint. So I just straight up told him he had to leave soon because I had a surprise Mother's Day cake to give to my mom. He really took his own time...but finally left, and so I went up to my mom's study and gave the cake to her.

My mom thanked me and the sibs for the surprise cake, and we talked for a lil about her upcoming real estate examination which she is shitting bricks over. Yeah, my mom wants to be an agent??! Haha. I told her I knew she was busy so I already made plans for lunch and dinner with Dutchie and R. She asked me if Dutchie was still around, because she woke up when the dogs barked and she checked the security cameras at home and saw that there was another guy with me whom she assumed to be Dutchie. She gives me a knowing smile and tells me to ask him to come up for some cake...Oh lord. Busted. Lmao. I forgot that my mom installed like 5 or 6 security cameras in the house all linked to her iPad. I told her it wasn't Dutchie...it was another friend...and he left already...and she gave me a puzzled "oh" look and didn't mention it again.

SOOOO okay. This is the first time ever that I've had a dude sleep over at my place (and my mom was around...welp), that wasn't just a friend. Honestly, it wasn't that great, but it wasn't that bad either. I guess the problem was that I wasn't really into him. I didn't feel like a boss, nor did I feel like a whore. It was just...aiight I guess. Weird really.

Then I met up with Dutchie for lunch at yet another local food haunt of mine (it's funny because most people impress others by bringing them to fancy French or Italian restaurants, but I bring Dutchie to the most local cuisine places ever) After that we headed over to a golf country club since the sun was glorious, and we did a couple of laps in the pool and then soaked up the sun. This is the first time that I've seen Dutchie shirtless, like properly. The previous times we went swimming in the infinity pool I didn't really get much of a chance. His body is insanely, insanely hairy. Hahahaha!!! I mean like, shit dude? It totally blows my mind how some white people are so hairy!!! He has like tufts on his chest, on his tummy, his back...w t f? I'm like a naked molerat standing beside him, especially since I was wearing Speedos (how gay I know, I didn't bring swim shorts so I flirted with the counter and asked the lady if she could rent me anything and she gave me the Speedos from lost & found [I washed it thoroughly of course]. I think she just wanted to see me in trunks ;) lawl) His parents do cosmetic surgery back in Holland though, so he mentioned to me he was contemplating getting some of the hair lasered off. It was actually a pretty big turn-off as to how hairy he was!!! Nevertheless, poolside chilling was supes chill, and after that, we parted ways and were gonna meet again at night to check out Sunday gay night at this new establishment.

Free entry to the first 100 peeps, sure why not? Got in, wow. Turns out we were gay guy #3 and #4. No one else was there. Sound system was terrific though; I thought someone was singing live! Spoke to the really cute waitress who also spoke to me the last time I went there on a "normal" night, and she told me it was only the 4th time they held gay night, hence it still needs a lil bit of traction. Suggested to Dutchie to come back to my place and watch a movie instead, he agreed. Car ride back, I was holding his hand while driving again. Got back to my place, and we started reading magazines on men's fashion lolol, ohaayy. Dutchie was mostly checking out the prints on the pants, I was mostly checking out the models and their bodies wahahha. After showering (individually, dangit), I was too tired to watch a movie (had work the next day), so I told him I was gonna crash, and told him to spend the night over. He reluctantly agreed. Seeing that he came out of the shower only in his boxer briefs, I decided it was fine if I jumped into bed only in my boxers (Btw, boxers are an American thing?? Europeans/Asians wear briefs and boxer briefs? Never knew that) and one thing led to another (with no kissing!) and I found myself straddling him and necking him, slowly dry humping him, feeling his uh, dick (I'm not good at this writing steamy business shit) getting harder and harder through his briefs. After a while he told me to stop, that I was too horny, and that I needed to go to the bathroom and come. Hahahaha. I told him I wasn't gonna do that!!! I need porn or, at least, looking in the mirror to get myself off (I don't know if this is creepy but I am able to get off by just looking at my own body...it's really strange, does that mean that I want to screw myself?!), and being terribly naughty as usual, I told him I was gonna wank off on the bed right beside him, and I whipped my dick out. He pretended not to really care but he was looking at it the entire time. I took his hand over and wrapped it around my dick, and started thrusting while he was holding it. He started playing with my nipples, and I just went wild dude. This was incredible; I did not think he would have been up for this! I started thrusting faster and faster, closing my eyes, curling and uncurling my body as he played with my nipples more and more, and ended up shooting a pretty damn huge load on my chest and on to my body pillow beside me. It was kinda disgusting that it shot so far, I usually don't ever shoot far, but I was so turned on. I got out of my boxers, went to the bathroom to shower up, and just walked around naked for a while as I could tell he was checking out my butt and my goods. After that I turned the lights off, thanked him, told him not to feel bad, and we went to sleep holding hands.

So, that was the second night that I had a guy over at my place. It blows my mind what happened over the weekend really. Also, I think I'm becoming a bit more open-minded about everything, and that I'm ready to admit that I'm wildly curious about bottoming...haha. With the first dude and with Dutchie, both times I kinda toyed with putting their wangs near my butt and kinda just going around in circles and pushing their dick up my ass just a wee bit. I'm beginning to really like the rhythmic thrusting of sex - it's amazing really! So sensual and enjoyable somehow. Only when you get the rhythm down of course, when you're in perfect sync with your partner, if not then it's just fucking embarrassing.

On Monday I met up with Dutchie again for Iron Man 3, with some new "ATMOS" more-than-surround surround-sound technology bullshit, which wasn't very impressive (talking bout the sound system) but the movie was kick-ass!!! I loved it! We were holding hands throughout and I was really holding on to it at the exciting parts lol. I fucken love Iron Man btw. My fav superhero fasho. He's super suave, super cheeky, super smart, but also his exterior is only just one part of him, and beneath it all lies a compassionate and selfless thoughtful soul. Had some good ol' mickey d's for dinner after, and then I went on to try on some ridiculously flamboyant tank tops from Topman/Pull&Bear/Zara etc., and OHH BOYY I finally have the guts to wear bro-tanks because I'm no longer as scrawny as I was before! That actually made me feel really good haha. While walking to the parking lot, I cheekily squeezed his butt a couple times, and asked him if he was checking out my butt the night before, and he smiled and said, "Maybe." Hehehe. He also asked me when was the last time I came cos I shot a huge and far load ;) He told me he couldn't really actively jerk me off, or allow me to jerk him off (I took a peek of his goods though by lifting up his briefs for a bit; was soaked in pre-cum o_O) because he would feel like he's really cheating on his bf, but also he doesn't want to not mess around with me either. Heh, I'm strangely okay with all of this though. Maybe it is possible for a guy to like two people at the same time. I'm not sure. Also, I know it's kinda gay that we're like, holding hands all the time, but whatever really. I did not tell him, however, about the dude that slept over the night before, man he would probably be kinda pissed...

In the car ride back to his dorm, I was being naughty again (srsly what's new), and I just whipped my dick out and said "You know what is awesome? Road head." He didn't understand that slang (English afterall is his second language), and he punched my shoulder really hard when I explained it to him, but I took his hand and brought it over and he started playing with it. And I was telling him that I think that penis-holding/jerking is actually a pretty darn beautiful thing, and I think that people should just do it all the time but not in the sexually depraved way, but really in just a "sex is beautiful" kind of way. I don't know if you get what I mean haha. He agreed and slowly played with it by pulling my foreskin back and forth. When I dropped him off, I reached into his pants and once again his briefs were soaked with pre-cum. So I don't pre-cum at all, and I was wondering if it's a good or a bad thing. It's definitely bad when I'm trying to jerk off without lube, but I feel like it's probably really uncomfortable to be feeling wet in your knickers whenever you're accidentally horny...

Anyway, so yeah. We're meeting up for dinner tonight again. I spoke to a gloriously good-looking Spaniard on Jackd today, and he replied me instantly which is a win, but after a couple of exchanges I realized he was only passing through and would be leaving on Thursday for Indonesia...dude. This always happens!! Ah well. At least I had a fun weekend, and another great weekend to look forward to...It's fashion week baby!