Sunday, May 5, 2013

Navigating a gay bar sober - Part 1

So Friday evening I decided to hit the gym again, since I got robbed of a full sesh on Thursday. This time I took my own time. It was a great workout, It's now Sunday and I'm still aching. I went to the locker room after that and just sat down and ate a peanut butter sandwich and a hot dog. Everyone was staring at me but it's funny that I'm not self-conscious about making a fool of myself in public. In my head, I kinda enjoy the fact that I'm breaking the mold, and am non-conformist. As I have mentioned, I fear and hate being average. 

Then I had a really good steam room sesh, but there were two guys inside that were obviously jerking each other off. Like they would totally freeze when I went in, but I could see their towels were like messed up and shit because they were tryna cover themselves in a hurry. I took a quick glance, one was an old dude, the other was a guy probably my age. The guy my age had his head down the entire time, even as he left to hit the showers, and had this painful submissive guilty expression on his face...and it just made me feel really disgusted that humans crave sex so much in such a non-beautiful and non-passionate way. The other guy was a smug old dude, who was very annoyed that I was in the steam room, but whatever. 

Not gonna lie, there have been many times that I have been so close to caving in and meeting up with some guy for a hookup on Jackd (I have like more than 90 unopened messages, most are really pathetic), but I avoid it in the end, usually by err, taking care of everything myself instead hehe. I just heavily disagree with how sex is being treated. All these hookups are not even hot. Don't get me wrong I think public sex is awesome because it's so thrilling and dangerous, but really there needs to be some kind of cheeky kinky connection between the two guys, in the way that they actually should be dating at the very least, and not just a quick fuck-and-go kind of situation. 

I drove home after (side note: I am so thankful and fortunate my parents gave me a car, it is so darn convenient), had dinner with the folks, showered, and decided to wear a purple t-shirt and grey jeans, just to kinda look laidback but still like, subtly attention-seeking hahaha. It's all about being subtle man, in my opinion. Drove over to the gay bar, met up with R, Dutchie, and F, our lovable Pinoy "faghag."

So this gay bar has an outdoor courtyard as an entrance, and when you walk in, it is actually pretty intimidating, because firstly it's incredibly packed, and secondly, everyone immediately checks out every single person walking in. And so I tread in carefully, feeling everyone's eyes on me, and I just focus my eyes on no one really and just walk in hurriedly. 

Dutchie was drinking a martini, how absolutely fabulous of him. R and F shared a jug of gin and tonic and were already pretty buzzed by then. Dude. A jug only has 6 shots. The last time I blacked out in this bar, I had a jug of vodka tonic, a glass of rum & diet coke (YES gay bars are awesome because they have DIET coke unlike straight clubs which are all like, u don't want any sugar? gtfo faggot!), and a glass of long island iced tea, for a total of...11 shots, therefore explaining why I made out with 3 40-year old men and thankfully have no memory of it so I am just going to ignore my completely slutty night and pretend it never happened. 

So yeah, I made a pact that I wasn't gonna get drunk from now on. I bought R and F a jug of rum and diet coke, had only a lil of it, and then they were already sufficiently sloshed for the night. Hahaha what a bunch of light-weights! R's a dude but he gets drunk after taking 3 shots! How is that even possible... he's kinda chubs too! Hahaha, yes I know I'm mean...

As we were sitting on the couch, this older Asian dude beside me kept checking me out. He wasn't too bad-looking, looked really fit, and was wearing a nice checkered shirt. He looked at me like, seriously, multiple multiple times, and he sat like right beside me (our couches were right next to each other), but he didn't talk to me at all. See, that's the thing about Asian culture some times, we're all a lil too meek, and I really don't like that at all. Like I was actually annoyed he was staring at me so much it got very creepy. I left to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, F was talking to their table. One of the guys of the other group tells me "Hey it's his birthday today!" referring to the guy checking me out, and I smile and shake his hand and say 'happy birthday man' and wanted to introduce myself and talk to him, but his friend says "What are we in? A straight club?? Give him a birthday kiss and not just a handshake!!!"

Why do gay people think that just because we're all gay, societal rules of modesty and decorum do not apply? Maybe it's just men in general, and the only reason why there is social etiquette are because women insist on having them. Hahaha. I don't know. 

Anyway, I know I'm just blowing everything up, but I told him "no thanks" and decided not to talk to his table anymore. The "wingman" kept trying to reconnect with me again by smiling and toasting me. I kind of just brushed him off, and told the rest I wanted to head down to the dance floor. We brought the jug around and wanted to meet as many hot guys as possible. 

This was honestly the first time I've headed to the dance floor sober. The music was great, as usual. We formed our little group, and started dancing in a circle, while I casually checked out the dudes around me. After a while, I started dancing my slow thrusting stripper style thing ahahha, and I could sense people staring at me haha but idgaf. A group of Pinoys came over to talk to me. Usually what happens would be, I would feel a tap on my shoulder, I turn around, and some guy would be like "Haayyy, my friend wants to meet you" and I'll smile and introduce myself, and the guy is usually very awkward and doesn't know how to carry a conversation so I quickly become bored and politely excuse myself. 

Then I see this Arab guy from Turkey. I've mentioned him before; He, Aussie, and I had a three-way kiss once. He was also mad pissed we didn't end up having a menage a trois that night, and has been holding it over my head every single time we meet. So Arab guy comes up to Dutchie, and kisses him on the cheek, and does polite niceties, before he turns around, notices me and says something like "You're trouble" but he still kisses me on the cheek. He asks Dutchie what's he doing with me, and Dutchie said that we're friends. Arab guy tells me "You don't know him as well as I know him, you should run along now and let me talk to him." I laugh a really cold snarky laughter, and I tell Dutchie, "Hey this guy is saying that both of you are bffs, and that I should leave you guys alone. I'll see you later." and I went to the bathroom. Dutchie runs after me and he's like "wtf dude? Why did you leave me with him that guy is creepy as hell." I told him that he is the THREE-WAY VILLAIN that I've mentioned to him before, and Dutchie's face contorts so much and after that we both laugh really hard and how pathetic he is.

Dutchie tells me in the bathroom how he understands how I tell him that some times I can't help but feel superior to everyone in a gay club. Dutchie is actually incredibly opinionated too, and he says he finds all these people very pathetic sex-seeking creatures, who clearly had nothing going on for them their entire lives and hence are stuck here. As mean as that is, I agree. I know obviously, that a variety of extenuating circumstances, such as a broken family background, a history with drugs, or growing up in a bad neighborhood, contribute to the outlooks of life that these people have, but I really just do not have much time to sympathize and deal with it really, because honestly, they're never going to be part of my social circle.

Throughout the night, Dutchie got hit on multiple times by white guys, usually 30-ish, of which everyone he shot back a super cold ice-queen scowl. Hahaha what a lil adorable fucker this Dutchie kid. Throughout the night, I got hit on by Pinoys, by Thais, all of whom are usually very meek and tiny (I'm tiny enough already but these people are brittle), and by really old creepy white dudes. One guy had this old Asian guy on his lap, and he suddenly just grabs my hand, starts feeling up my arms and the top half of my butt, and says "You're cute. But wait, are you straight?" I said "No, I like dick." Lol. He was so forward, which was kinda cool I guess, props to him, but also creepy, because he immediately asked for my number, and because I didn't know what to do I gave it to him. I quickly excuse myself and find the rest of the group. R was pretty sloshed too, and he gave himself a lot of liberty to feel up my arms and my chest going "Ooohh I like touching biceps!!!" Hahahaha that kid is seriously such a lovable and horny teddy bear, I love that kid. All of us, including F, were checking out this unbelievably attractive and tall blond guy, but he came in with a girl, and so we were all like "ehhh straight? gay? straight?" then he sits down with this group of really good-looking white guys too, but all kinda femme in an eyebrow-plucked fabulous wrist-like-a-flipper way. We all sideways-check him out for a bit, and he starts putting his leg on the table and telling some guy not to put the beer down beside him, and when the guy asks him why he said, "Ah nah I'm just playing with you. You know, when you're in a group of guys you just tend to try to be the most masculine." It was kinda weird really. 

F was also being a pretty terrific winggirl. She would basically tap a guy that she thought was cute (we usually agree), and would be like "Hey guys!! Have you met my friends yet??" And she would take the jug and just sip her drink while being ignored completely. It was so funny, I felt so bad for her! By the end of the night she was complaining "OMG I've never felt so ignored my entire life, all these guys are heavily checking out you guys but no one gave two shits about me UGHHH" Hahaha poor girl...

One of the guys she tapped turns out to be the restaurant manager of this Catalonian restaurant in my country. I've mentioned it before, where I went with my family to a Michelin-star restaurant in Barcelona, where the waiter there tells us to look for this waitress working in the Catalonian restaurant, and I ask for her when we ate there and she was the one taking care of our check! I recount this story to the restaurant manager, and he's like "OH you're that guy with his family! Yes she mentioned it to me!" I was starstruck because it was like, woah, I met a culinary semi-celebrity in a gay bar whatwhuttt, so I took a picture with him hahaha. He's really good-looking, but it was obvious he was only there to talk to fellow Spaniards. His Spanish friend heavily hit on Dutchie, and asked to buy him drinks and everything, and Dutchie said no, and told me later he thought the dude was really creepy. Also I realized there is a fine but obvious line between creepy and suave - basically, first one is a fugly dude, the second is a handsome dude hahaha. Yeah ok that's a mean generalization but that's kinda how it works??

I also met this really short guy who asks me if I remember him. I said yes, I do, because he was the ass who accused me of "acting straight" when I asked him how this club was like on Sunday gay night when I was completely new to the gay clubbing scene. He asks if I remember his friend who I kissed, and I said no, and he said "yeah you were pretty drunk but I thought you'd remember at least" I was like, sorry, and excused myself and left. After that when I was heading for the bathroom, this Indian silver fox smiles at me and asks me "Do you remember me?" I look at him with furrowed brows and stutter for a bit. His friend comes over and says "How can you not remember him??? He is the absolute pearl that Bollywood did not want to export but had no choice because all the girls couldn't get his hands off him!" Hahaha that was really funny, but the silver fox was visibly annoyed I didn't remember him. He is actually an incredibly good-looking man, other than the fact that he is probably at least 45. Ugh...I am developing a reputation. I started feeling really gross haha...he must have been one of the 3 40-year old guys I made out with. I was with my gay friend from high school that night I had 11 shots, and that asshole just laughed and let me make out with all these old dudes without coming to the rescue. Seriously not cool at all, I was totally blacked out drunk!!!

After a while we got really bored, so we left for some delicious minced meat noodles. Dude. Seriously, I imagine heaven to have endless minced meat noodles. I can eat that shit any day any time.

AHHHH!!!! I am feeling hungry right now. I love my local cuisine SOOO much. It's honestly the main thing that's keeping me in this goddamn country. The food here is just INCREDIBLE it's really a food paradise.

I drove em all back to their dorms, blasting some songs from my bedroom playlist, a.k.a. foreplay/sex music wahahah, and I opened the sunroof, and each of them took turns standing up as I sped down the highway, it was almost like a Perks of Being a Wallflower moment. This sung was particularly relevant, since it was 4 a.m. anyway.

I was completely sober, but incredibly exhausted. Remember I went out for two nights before that already. We hung out in the common room for a bit, talking about gay pornstars LOLOL (F was really traumatized she was like, wait you guys watch the same kind of porn??? Hahaha girls crack me up!!) since R really loves the overly-muscular and big pornstar kind of dudes, then R and F leave and tell us they weren't going to ask any questions about what Dutchie and I were gonna do but they're gonna say goodnight now. Haha...

I went up to Dutchie's room and told him that I was really tired and that I needed to crash if he was okay with it. I start talking to him again about how he's gonna be leaving really soon, and it's gonna be weird that we're not going to see each other anymore. We had really long hugs, after a while it kinda felt silly but I did feel very warm and fuzzy inside hugging him. He honestly is one of my best friends I've made this year. I've removed most of the drama though, and now we just hang out, I told him I'm not expecting anything from him at all, except that I want him to know that he is a guy worth waiting for. Then I let him go for a bit and he just stood there with his eyes closed for like 5 seconds. I didn't know what to do, so I leaned in and tried to kiss him, and he opened his eyes and said "No, dont." I apologize and say ok, imma crash now, and to make it not awkward (his bed is really tiny) we slept like with my feet beside his head and stuff, basically we were in a 69 position but not actually 69-ing. When it was bright out, like 7ish, I got up, he got up, hugged me while rubbing his hands up and down my back a lil, and I drove back home.

So yeah..probably shouldn't have tried to kiss him again. Oh well, this time it wasn't awkward at all though, so that's good.


The fuck??? This entry is so long!!!

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