Is it normal behavior to know how flawed one's thinking is, and yet being unable to pinpoint exactly how to rectify it, and thus find it obstinately difficult to do anything about it? Everything is so abstract in my head; I form large cumulonimbus clouds of seething thoughts all around me, and I introspect and quietly nibble at them.
I really just don't get it. I don't get it at all. Why do some people not see how fucking awesome I am, with the some people specifically referring to gay people and my coworkers? My friends all do - the ladies, the straight men, and the one gay pal. They think I've got my whole life fucking sorted; young, rich, and attractive - what would he ever need to be sad about? Done. Sorted! Booyah. Cowabunga brosefs.
Why am I such a paradox? Is my overconfidence a defense mechanism that I use to protect myself from rejection? Why do I seek validation so much from people that matter very little to me, and take for granted those that matter so much?
Also, why is NYC so fucking, fucking, assaultingly putrid everywhere I go? Why are there so much less hot guys here than in Chicago? Why can't I just be a Stakhanovite at work? Why do I constantly see in my mind's eye, my boss' shittyass face judging me? Why have I not booked my eurohostels? Why are so many gay people so feminine?
Why are so many gay people so feminine? Why? Or is it just that all the femmes come out to gay bars?
I am TERRIBLY frustrated at all the hours that I've wasted on Jack'd, with all the fucking buildups and all the fucking letdowns. I NEED to have a healthy sex life, goddammit I do.
I've always believed that everything would work out for me, eventually. I've always managed to scrape through every single thing in life, and manage to waddle through the higher echelons of the academic ladder. I know that I am going to be terribly successful in the future, but I've really just been hoping that one day it will just 'click' in my head, and I'll just know what my calling is, and how I can use my fucking huge brain to milk that cash cow and yet love every single fucking thing about my career.
I don't think I need to think hard about my life. I think the problem is that I think about thinking too much, and I can't just think about things, I spend way too much time thinking about how I can think about things, and writing convoluted sentences like this that end up adding no value in the end.
Shake Shack is not all that at all. Five guys is horribly similar. Good night.