Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Retail therapy, and Jack'd meetups

Wait. Bahaha. I'm such a gay guy. I bought four pairs of shoes today. I LOVE SHOES. I CAN'T HELP IT. Ferragamo, Coach, and 2 Cole Haans. Each are stunningly made, and so, so comfortable. Man. I wanted to buy a Jack Spade duffel bag too, but I was thinking that I've probably spent way too much money already... (used up my entire bonus)

I also bought a regular Polo polo, a Polo tee, and two Zara floral print shirts. Fuckyeahfloral. I am becoming a lot more adventurous with the way I dress now. Not exactly gayer, but just a lot more colors.

I feel a lot better today actually. Mostly because I felt like I had a purpose - a purpose to buy shit. Most days I feel lost without a purpose. I would rather be a porpoise.

My sister and I have patched things up. She is extremely judgmental of others, for she is extremely rational, ambitious, and stubborn. She just graduated as the top 7% with first class honors in her law faculty, and she's going to be a cutthroat lawyer soon, and she thinks everyone's just like her. I guess I'm a lot less sure about myself.

I really like NYC so far. I do prefer the architecture of Chicago though. There is plenty of eye-candy in both cities though.

So...I met up with a 28-year-old Japanese guy who stayed in my hotel last night. It's weird cos I kinda lied to my family (they're with me!) that I was going to the gym, but uhm yeah I met up with a dude from Jack'd. We went out to the balcony, chatted for like an hour, and then I went back to my room. He's some consultant working in Boston or something...whatever. Lol. He was manly for sure, but totally uninteresting, and also not exactly very cute.

Tonight I met up with this 21-year-old Chinese dude who looked really cute in his profile picture. When I saw him though I was immediately very disappointed. He was extremely, extremely flamboyant. Like, full-on hands gesticulating everywhere and the stereotypical nasal voice. It was also very creepy because he told me I looked familiar, and then asked if I went to [my actual college], and then asked me if I know [my really good girl friend who I cried with at the club two nights ago], and turns out they both were from the same hometown, and he sees pictures of me uploaded by her all the time. He also told me that we met once two years ago when he was just leaving and I just joined my friend at Michigan Avenue and he even described the mall we were at and the store that was around us and I was like, motherfucking hell bro ctfd!!!

We then chatted for like an hour and a half. He was easy to talk to, but I just couldn't get over how snarky he was about meeting other men on Jack'd. I also felt really odd because he was quite a toned tall dude but he was incredibly effeminate. The good thing was that I basically have zero expectations about meeting guys now, and I wasn't sad or pissed. In fact I told him we could go to a gay club together tomorrow, cos I wanna check out the hot dudes there and it'll be nice to have a friend. For sure not hooking up with him though, he is way way way too feminine.

And I've been thinking really, who actually likes feminine guys? It seems like no one does, and yet it seems like everyone's feminine. One of the friends of my really good girl friend told me that she already knew I was gay before she met me, but found it hard to believe because I didn't act like any other gay guys she knew, and she said she knew more than 20 gay people because her school's like super liberal or some shit. And it kinda depressed me. I was at Chinatown today and I saw these two fratty dudes and I honestly think they were a couple because one guy was slightly more femme than the other in the way that his shorts were really short, and he kinda did a bit of the typical chest-out butt-out thing that bottoms do (hehehe I'm being mean), but I got kinda jealous of them because they're 1) hot 2) dudely. Oh well. It didn't really bother me that much, they were more eye-candy than anything.

Basically, my point is, I think now that I've again kind of let go on how I feel about S, I'm feeling a bit just...like I don't want to look for love. Or rather, I'm not thinking about it. I'm thinking more about just hooking up with dudes really. I mean I'm young and always horny, but I honestly really only just like blowjobs and whenever I tell people on Jack'd I'm not into anal, the conversation ends there. Damn son. I have like no clue if there are people like me that exists out there, guys that just want to have fun with guys that are like guys but don't do anal.

Basically, my point also is, I'm fucking horny. And it's weird, because my family is with me, but I just cannot, cannot stop checking out all the incredibly cute straight guys around NYC. I'm sooo attracted to straight guys, ugh, if only there was a potion to turn them gay hehehe.

Fuck. Still haven't talked about cute Thai boy yet. He has a 7.5" inch weiner, or at least he told me that, but I never got to see it. He told me that after he grabbed my dick and said, "I am bigger than you" in his strange Thai accent and I was like o_O, rude. He didn't even get hard at all even when we were making out and he was aggressively grabbing at my pecs and shit! It was so weird. He was also slightly femme, but not too bad, and had a cute smile, and bought me drinks :) He was super adamant on meeting up with me though, and I asked him why, and he said I'm different, because I'm the first guy that didn't want to meet up with him initially! Wahaha. Too bad he met a potato queen :P He's honestly super cute though, I didn't regret meeting up with him.

After that though, there was some white dude that came over and talked to me, and for some reason I told him I thought he was cute, and we started making out, like in front of the Thai guy. He was super cool about it though, but teased me for being a "too horny boy." Like he literally said "You are too horny boy!" Lol. Adorable broken English. AND THEN he pushed me to his other fatter Thai friend, who grabbed my dick, and wanted me to go home with him, and he tried to fuck me in the stairwell and I said no, and then I turned around and realized his dick was bleeding (frenum tore) and I freaked the fuck out, got home, cried, washed my shirt cos he wiped the blood off on my shirt, and I washed my butt for like forever. He didn't go into me though, so I don't think I got anything from him but the initial shock of the blood on the wall and on my shirt seriously scared the fuck out of me. I am no longer going to put myself in such a dangerous situation ever again. I wasn't even drunk, I was just going with the flow cos I thought it was funny that I was in a stairwell and some dude wanted to fuck me even though I said no. I guess the truth is though, I went with it cos he was interested in me, and I just liked the validation.

I feel like I'm really picky when it's online on Jack'd, but in person if someone tells me I'm cute, I usually just go with it. It's fucking bad really. But I'm mouth-hungry and I just fucking want to make out all the time. It's weird. It's also weird that I've only met up with Asians. Guess I'm not that much of a potato queen after all


  1. You are just trying to put on a brave face by saying you don't want love -- when that is exactly what you are looking for. Read back your own story and see how almost all the situations you find yourself in, they don't seem to capture your attention for very long.

    This is that continuation of needing others, you are chasing the immediate gratification of having others heap attention on you, but it doesn't result in anything. It's sad to see you chasing after the validation when in the end, it's not going to give you what you want.

    On a different note, I wear Cole Haans too, but i prefer loafers (too lazy to have to tie my shoelaces).

    1. To be perfectly honest and blunt though, when I want to hookup it's not because I want to be wanted but I just want them. I am really dying to just suck a dude off, since it has been SO LONG hahaha and I don't even care if they don't want to touch me lolol I'm just really horny

    2. But instead of some random guy, wouldn't it be so much better to do it with someone you like, you love? You still can be horny with them.

      I know my line of questioning implies what you are doing is somehow "wrong" but that's not what I'm getting at. I'm just wondering what the appeal is of the quick and dirty hookup. (Besides being horny).

      What's your email? We should chat more.