Saturday, July 13, 2013

Rewind - Memoirs of a Geisha

(this was written from before)

I am typing this out on my iPhone at the Lisbon airport but I can't log on to the wifi at all after trying for 30 minutes because basically only half of all things work in this country. Seriously, the train ticket machine has eaten up my one euro coin and a ten euro bill too. I fucking went mental and shouted FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS at the station and hailed a cab instead. That's one thing I've learned; I cannot live outside of Asia because Asia works. The rest of the world just doesn't. Period. #haughtyasianproblems #hatersgonnahate

So many things happened. I shall start with my first day in Lisbon. When my friend (I'll call her SAG for Small Asian Girl) and I got to our hostel I had a really bad feeling. Firstly, although it was located really close to the busiest district in Lisbon, there were multiple flights of stairs off the beaten path with graffiti and the smell of piss everywhere. I strongly dislike graffiti because it makes the place immediately very ghetto-looking. When we got to the hostel, I asked the receptionist if there was a/c in the rooms. She said no. 

This was when my spidey sense kicked in and I knew I had to gtfo of this place stat. At its hottest, Lisbon was 43 degrees Celsius. That is just mindblowingly sweltering. No a/c? I'm sorry this place immediately sucks already. I told SAG that we should only pay for one day and then find another place with ac and she said no let's just stay here for all 3 nights. I was 

The thing is, SAG ain't well off, and at first although I offered to pay for all her accommodation so she didn't need to spend so much (plus I was initially traveling alone, which meant I would have paid that amount anyway for hotels) but she declined it and told me we can just stay in cheap hostels instead. This is the first time in my life that I've stayed in a backpackers hostel. I've generally avoided these as I thought they would be extremely uncomfortable. I relented, and thought that okay this could be an adventure for my pansy butt. 

Lisbon is filled with homeless people, and people trying to sell you hash on the street, or people trying to sell you fake shades, or people trying to sell you Colgate (I don't get it). Generally, nothing in Lisbon made sense to me. The thing about European cities are, they're all just filthy to me. The graffiti and the homeless, the unemployed youth and the prostitutes, they all make me really uncomfortable. I've been in this fake bubble of a Disneyland of my country, everything else seems so nasty to me. I did not enjoy Barcelona, Madrid, Paris, Brussels, and now Lisbon. However, I've thoroughly enjoyed Seville, Valencia, and now Porto. Other major cities that I really liked that are an exception are Amsterdam, Rome, London, and Prague. 

Anyway, food sucked in Lisbon, everything was salty. People in general however, spoke more english which was good. The sights in Lisbon were also kinda meh, along with Portuguese boys... Sure there were really hot guys but not with the same frequency as in Seville. Plus with the heat, everything just irritated me. After the first night, I was about to shank some bitch. It was like trying to take a nap in a steam room. I took 4 showers in a day. 

However, I received even more messages in Lisbon than in Seville, probably because it's a bigger place and it was gay pride weekend. It is extremely intriguing for me because many guys message me telling me that I'm the "most beautiful Asian" they have seen. I'm not even kidding. It's hilarious!! I asked one dude about whether it's because they hardly see Asians around, and he said "of course we do but none as handsome as you." LMAO!! These kids haven't seen enough Asians for's laughable they think that way but works in my favor I guess. 

First night SAG and I went out to have dinner at a crappy place called Super Mario where everything was caked in salt, but the table beside us was loud and raucous and the girl beside me talked to me and she was so nice. That's the thing though, Portuguese people are fucking nice. They were a group of nurses that just graduated and were celebrating. However, she told me in their group of 20, everyone is cautiously celebrating because none of them have jobs. Portugal after all is part of the PIGS. It was rather bittersweet. 

Then we went off to try some ginginha which I have no clue what it is but it's some cherry liquer shot that was pretty good and was only 1.5 euros so yeah. And then we went off to the famed bar street in Lisbon and I was thoroughly confused by everything. It was just a long ass street of bars too tiny and hot to have people inside, so everyone spills on the street, and there is hardly any music, and people are just drinking and smoking. We went into one bar and the music was very Latino, which I'm not hating on, just ain't really my jam. Then two black guys came over and talked to us, and told us to come with them to a club they were going to. I went with them and found myself taking absinthe shots at the behest of this Turkish guy who came up and talked to me. We exchanged numbers and he told me to add him on Facebook and Whatsapp so I can tag along for any Erasmus (EU study abroad) parties. I really wanted to go with them because he's cute and Erasmus?? I love Erasmus dude! But SAG didn't want to go for those parties, she says that it's dumb that these Westerners come on holidays and just party and go to the beach all day and see nothing of the city (exactly what the two Danish hotties in my dorm did for three days straight - btw they're really hot, like model hot)

The thing about SAG is, she toned down her partying ways a lot. She used to be my basic bitch (lolol my slang getting gayer yo) for parties but no more after sophomore and junior year. I also know she has had a horrible year doing her masters in Paris because she told me how she cannot get along with Europeans for the life of her, especially the haughty French. 

Later we went on to another club, and these absolutely adorable cuties came to talk to us and got us to salsa with them. And I love Latino names, they're awesome. They salsaed with her and I was so jealous hahaha cos the guy was really hot. He even gave her a smooch on the cheek in the end. 

Then we headed home. I took a shower, and headed out to meet a guy...haha. 26 year old Brazilian masters student in pharmacy. He spoke good English, and was very polite and good with pleasantries. After walking a bit on the street though, he smiled and leaned in and we made out for a bit. Got back to his place, and bam. Hook up lol. He was a great kisser. Super soft lips, and he ate some mint so it was tasty too haha. And man...great churrascarria. Hahaha. He wanted to you know, do it, but I told him no. The weird thing was he doesn't go down on guys, and only tops...but loves to rim. I just don't get it. That's just like Aussie, I guess some guys are just sooo "top." Anyway, it was fun. He was pretty cute too, had a nice cheeky smile hehehe. 

The next day SAG and I did more sightseeing, and by nightfall we were pretty excited to go to the gay pride party. We had dinner at a place with tolerable sodium levels, and had 2 liters of white wine there. This was where we had a heart to heart talk, and I cried a little when she went to the bathroom. 

She told me that I've gotten a lot more self absorbed after coming out, and many times when she strikes a conversation with me I get distracted by a hot guy and she just rolls her eyes and thinks I'm not listening to her. The thing is I am. I just can multi task pretty well haha. But I get what she means. She told me that she knows that this is my initial coming out phase, but if this continues forever she's just not going to talk to me when she returns to the motherland...which made me really sad. It seems like quite a few people think that I've changed after coming out. Honestly the only change I see is that I've become freer. Both in thought and in actions. But freedom of thought and action might not appeal to all. The other thing is, she is oddly asexual. She doesn't find many people attractive, and loves to only check out girls and envy their hotness. I told her it's kind of the same for me, that I envy them and wanna be like them but it so happens that I also can want to be with guys. She also definitely prefers Asians, since all her exes are all Asians, and I know she disagrees a lot with western culture and the western "hegemony." 

Anyway, two liters was definitely enough to get me tipsy. I wasn't drunk, I'm not sure if she was. We got to the gay outdoor festival and there were very few good looking people around. I was very disappointed. The drinks were good though, but in general I don't like sweet things so the caipirinha was omfg diabetic. A couple guys came up to talk to me but told me they were straight and I was like honey you ain't fooling no one with your princess pointing. This is when a gay man wants to point out something and extends his hand in this delicate index-extended way with a slight lowering of the hand pivoted on the wrist at the end. Does that make sense?? I think you get my drift though. He was princess pointing my grindr on my phone and saying "ooh who you looking for." I got back to SAG and she was like, "do you want me to go back first I feel like I'm cramping your game if you want to hook up with a guy" and I said no I'm staying with you! And we danced for a bit. As we were walking towards the front of the stage again, I notice this guy from earlier who was yet again smiling at me with his sexy brooding eyes. He was tall and had a buzz cut underneath a baseball cap, and was with a girl and a short effeminate shirtless guy. He came over to talk to me, and I smiled and we started talking. In my head I was thinking "holy shit why is such a hot guy talking to me?" Apparently later on he would tell me he messaged me on grindr first and so recognized me in the crowd. I said, how is that possible to find me in the crowd?? And he's like, I recognize you because there were not other Asian as beautiful as you there. Dude. Broken English is actually really adorable haha. We wanted to make out for a bit, so he drags me to the side of the stage, and told SAG to stay with his friends. I told her the same. She told me that it's fine and she's gonna go home. For some reason, I said okay, I'll see you tonight. 

Turns out that was one giant fucking mistake. I went to the side and he was a great kisser. People were hooting at us it was kinda funny. I took a piss, got back and she was gone. Then, Bad Boy Spaniard wanted to find some ecstasy...I just tagged along with him and actually considered trying it. We found nothing though. Got back to the party, and the girl wanted to leave. The short effeminate guy stayed behind. He was snarky towards me. So BBS and I walked his friend home...for 45 minutes holy fuck. However along the way we made out a bit, had a beer from a convenience store, and grabbed each other a lil, all while his friend was beside us! So hot I love PDA. after dropping his friend off, we went to a dark area and he leaned against a car and we started making out on the car lolol...and then we well, you know ;) he was good. Haha. You know what I mean. Then we walked even more and finally got to a square to wait for his short effeminate friend (SEF). By this time it was 4 am and I was about to crash. I took a five minute nap on his lap, and then SEF showed up. He was still bitchy to me. They were still trying to find ecstasy to go to a gay club. By this time I was really tired so I said I was gonna go home and BBS was so sad and SEF told me some passo aggresso shit about how "well everyone is tired but some people just manage that but I guess you can't" calm down SEF. Turns out BBS will tell me that SEF has been in love with him for a crazy long time and was incredibly jealous of me that night. Hahaha.

The next day I woke up bathed in my sweat as usual to messages from my friends back in the states asking me "omg what happened" and "is SAG ok?" Apparently she got robbed coming back alone. I was mortified. I asked her about it and she told me she'll talk to me later about it, but we needed to go to the police station first to make a report.

It was there that she told me how the whole thing happened. A mid-twenties Latino guy approached her on the busy street that led off to our hostel trying to sell her hash. She ignored him, and walked up the dimly lit alleyway with graffiti that led up to our hostel. She realized he was following her, and he pretended to take a piss. So she walked on. Soon she felt someone grabbing her from the back and he was choking her. It lasted for 15 seconds and when she woke up she had a big bruise on her cheek and her handbag with her iPhone 5, her glasses, and her credit cards was gone. 

I cried so hard once we left the station. I hugged her and told her I am so so so sorry for leaving her, and that it didn't cross my mind that anywhere outside of Asia is not safe at night for a girl to walk alone. Immediately, I wanted to check out of our hostel. It is utter shit anyway. She oddly told me that since we paid we should just stay for our last night, but we can book another place when we get back to Lisbon after Porto.

1 comment:

  1. This sure is an adventure for you, opens up your eyes to some things, to both the good and bad. What lessons have you learned that you expect you will apply in the future?