Friday, July 12, 2013

My mirror staring back at me

Firstly, I love JT's voice, and I've always been a fan of his songs. This song is like my jam, especially the last couple minutes, it reminds me of Lovestoned. Also, JT would be such a great dudefriend, since he's dudely enough (and hella sexy) but also in touch with his sensitive side. I wanna cover this song some time!

I have an entry that I wrote on my iPhone on my plane ride into London but I haven't completed it yet...but I wanna talk about Iranian-Spanish-American Dude (ISAD). He is such an eccentric fellow. Firstly, he's really tall, 6'2". Secondly, he's a bartender for the summer, but he is also a model for high fashion editorials, like Armani and Prada. Because of that, he is really skinny, although he is rather built  still. But most importantly, I just don't get him.

He is like an exaggerated version of myself, hence I also chose this JT song heh. We met up last night at 10 pm, and he stayed over at my place all the way till 11 am, and the entire time he talked most of the time about his own life. Hey, that's what I usually do. I guess I talk about myself a lot because I feel uncomfortable by silence and I don't know what else to talk about (not well-read enough) so I end up just talking about myself. And also, I guess in some certain way I have this big-headed view that I'm probably more interesting than the other person. Sue me. His family is all kinds of weird. Apparently his dad is incredibly wealthy, and he grew up as someone who was supposed to take over all the companies, and thus grew up under extremely harsh expectations from his dad. That's just like me, but his situation sounds a lot more magnified. He told me about how he took over a company when he was 16, and managed to make 13 million that year, 5 million above the budget, but his dad was disappointed he couldn't make 15. I don't know whether to believe that, but basically he told me that his dad left his family and left not a single cent to them. Is that actually possible, by law? I don't know. He also has friends in high places, and loved to brag to me about how he has met Anna Wintour, and that she is basically a mean slunt, or how his family friends are Saudi princes or how he has competed nationally in the Middle East in 7 sports...?? Either he is pulling so much shit out of his ass or this guy is the most intriguing person I've ever met.

Well, whatever. Basically, he spoke a lot and couldn't stop talking when we were on my couch drinking the port wine I bought from Porto. So I kissed him to shut him up. And then everything just went on from there. It's nuts. We made out for what seemed like forever. He couldn't stop kissing me. I have three giant hickies on my neck now. We got naked on my couch, and actually just sat there naked talking and kissing here and there. He'll be on top of me, then I'll be on top of him. He's a pretty manly dude to be honest, and we have quite similar ideals like he wants to get married to a man and have kids just like me. And he's great at kissing. We finally finished up at like 3 am (I told him no buttsekz), and then took a shower together, and made out so much there too. He loves to hold me from the back and kiss my neck. We then cuddled together, and fell asleep at 4. By 9 he started kissing me again, waking me up, and we cuddled more and romped around in bed even more, eventually finishing round 2. We even had some really hot steamy moments where he lifted me up and he pushed me against the wall and we made out (he did this because I told him I hated having to tiptoe to kiss him). Took a shower again together, had lunch at Nando's, and then I walked him to the tube station, and we kissed right in front of everyone before he left for work.

Definitely my weirdest hookup so far. There is something just very strange about this whole thing. I'm not kidding when I say this, but he's actually obsessed with me. He couldn't stop kissing me, and kept complimenting me telling me how cute I am, and how he shouldn't inflate my ego anymore but that I'm just unbelievably cute...It felt so weird. He also wants to hang out all the time now. We spoke so much on our first day before meeting up, and I joked about how we're moving so fast since he was gonna stay over we're gonna get married by the end of the week, and he has taken the joke really far to call me his husband, and making jokes about what my sister would say at our wedding etc. Now, he wants to hang out tonight, tomorrow night, and on Sunday he invited me as his +1 to his company's BBQ, and on Wednesday he has a day off so he told me we're gonna hang out the whole day. Also, I teased my sister for not telling me they made out before (she's at Ultra right now in Croatia, and told me she was gonna get MDMA, and I don't know what kind of big brother I am but I told her to be safe and be around friends and only buy from a trusted dealer), but she said she didn't, that she was sober during that day and remembered walking away. Now I feel like I can't trust anything he says.

Finally, I am getting extremely unnerved by all the attention I'm getting. It was intoxicating at the beginning but I'm really feeling very uncomfortable and having a lot of self-doubt for some reason. I haven't spoken about Spain and Portugal, and now London, but suffice to say, I definitely did not expect so much attention. It is making me incredibly uneasy...and also, it's weird how people get really sad when I say "sorry I'm just visiting :/" I'm definitely also getting weary of hooking up, after a while it gets kind of dumb. It feels more like a game to me. Like now, I really want to hook up with a really blond hair blue eyed kind of guy, just for fun. I know I know, I'm a whore - but I'd like to think I'm a sensible whore, like one of those that picks up his kid from school, and then brings flowers over to his mom at the nursing home and then tucks his kid in bed at night. Haha. Makes no sense probably.

I'm extremely embarrassed by the hickies I have...they're monstrous.


That's the biggest one. What the mother fuck.

I'll talk about my experience at the sexual health clinic here in another entry, and I'll finish up my entry on Spain and Portugal. 

I also confronted ISAD about my sister, and about how it's difficult for me to trust him since some of the stuff he tells me is kinda hard to believe, and I think he's not happy by that and hasn't replied me. Also, he's pissed because I told him I don't want to hang out tonight. Lol. Oh well. He was way too clingy anyway...I don't know if I'm throwing away a good thing but then again honestly I'm here only for a week, nothing can actually happen...everything just doesn't make sense :o(

I'm going out to a gay club tonight with R (he's here for study abroad), and I'm not looking to hook up AT ALL, gonna just help R find a dude since he's super shy and I'm a lot bolder and unafraid to initiate with dudes. I'm feeling a little sickish though cos I didn't sleep enough (kept up by ISAD), and I seem to have a sore throat too...argh. 


Fuck I think he's falling in love.


  1. be careful. a guy who is trying to monopolize you the way this dude is after a first meeting is either super needy and/or super controlling. Might be fine for a fling but I'd be very wary of anything more and I would never give this guy too much information about how to find you later. And frankly, the stories sound like so much bullshit. If you have doubts now, best to just have fun and then walk at the end of the stay.

  2. He is either a scammer and setting you up to borrow money (because he figured out you/your family has it, and he doesn't, cause his "millionaire" father left him nothing) or he's marked you as someone with low self esteem, so he can manipulate you with attention. Go with your gut -- this does not feel right. He's already trying to control you with the guilt trip about not being able to meet him.

  3. For all you know, he may not even be a model for Armani and Prada(please double check with google). Hasn't high fashion already moved on from when skinny male models were in vogue?

    And why the self doubt from the attention?

    Onto JT, have you seen this version of Sexyback?:


    1. unnnnfffff JT is unbelievably sexy. and u are the master of very strange youtube videos HAahahahah.

      i googled. i couldn't find much but what seems like small-time modeling pictures haha, but those were probably when he was 17-18 since he looks much older now.

    2. and it's not exactly self-doubt but just uneasiness. like i feel it is very irrational

    3. haha I try, I try. yeah but happen to remember this segment(he did several others as well) from an episode of late night with jimmy.

      Yeah, no surprise there, what a fraudster. At least the hook up was hot.

      I think you've got to recite Loreal's slogan "Because I'm worth it" everyday in the mirror. haha