Saturday, July 13, 2013

Rewind 2 - The day I was a straight bro again

The day after SAG wanted to stay in the hostel and be by herself. She must have been so traumatized by the incident, I felt so bad for her. Initially I offered to stay with her, but she told me that she wanted to be alone, and that she'll be fine by herself. So I decided to head down to the beach with a few of my hostel mates.

I think I've been hardcore with this whole gay shenanigans that it's been so long since I've been a "straight bro." It felt very, very good. In my beach group there were two Danish, one Austrian, two German girls, and five Canadian guys. Everyone was super friendly, and I talked to them about Singapore, learned a bit about what they do (everyone's in college or -holy shit- high school) on the way there. At the beach we just chilled (or sizzled rather) in the Lisbon heat, and I checked out all the dudes there. Damn son. Some dudes were smokin hot. In my group itself one of the Danish guys had an incredible body (solid obliques), was at least 6'2", and looked basically like a Nordic model. There was also a Canadian guy who got along with me really well, and he had a smashing body I had to wear my shades and discreetly check out his bod all the time hahaha I'm a perv I know I know. We played beach volleyball (what? I don't even play sports), checked out girls (loads were topless), etc. Then they asked me things about what sports do I play, what sports do I watch, who's my favorite tennis player, and I basically had to fake being a bro into sports. Lol. I don't know what it is, but I find sports infinitely boring...nevertheless, it was mad chill hanging with them.

After dinner with SAG, I got back to the hostel and about 15 of us (joined by a couple French-Canadians, one really pretty Aussie girl, and staff) sat outside the porch and passed a joint around by this really handsome but daft Brazilian stoner dude. He sold his car (5000 usd) prior to his Eurotrip so he could buy weed. Lol talk about being an addict!! He also smoked 10 gs of hash in 2 days...w t f. It was hilarious listening to his broken English combined with his stoner attitude about life ("I like Eminem a lot more than the other rappers who sing about Lamborghini or champagne...Eminem is real, he raps about beating people up" "Wtf?? And that is better???" "Yeah, beating people up is real life!!! Everyday people get beaten up") Then we all headed out to the bars, listened to a couple of live bands, and then Brazilian guy and I headed back together. The Danish duo missed their train the night before, and the hostel was fully booked, so they actually slept in a park...holy shit. Apparently most of their trip they have either done overnight trains, or slept in tents, or slept on the streets with hobos. This European way of ghettoing it hardcore is something that I definitely can never do.

Then SAG and I took a bus and got to Porto, north of Lisbon. This time I booked a proper guesthouse, and it was fucking fantastic. A/c, good clean rooms (only 2 beds), ensuite bathroom, minimalist design (guest house is actually curated by architects and museum aficionados), and it was still mad cheap at 25 euros/person. Isn't that amazing??? Breakfast was great too. I was so happy, what a comfortable bed.

Porto is amazing. I love it. It's a port town, so there's a river right in the middle of it, and it's so amazingly beautiful. Everyone here is nice, and actually Portuguese, unlike Lisbon teeming with tourists. This is why I like smaller cities, it's a lot more quaint and personal. SAG's spirits were significantly lifted, because food here was awesome (no longer salty), and the sights were good, and the weather was PERFECT (not too hot in the day and not too cold at night), and I could start joking with her and stuff so I was really happy the trip was salvaged. Thankfully, all her photos were saved via Photo Stream, and so the memories weren't lost. Also, it was funny because she had to start using her iPad 3 to take photos, and it was embarrassing because we looked like fobs hahaha.

I hooked up with a Portuguese dude that night also. It was bad. I got pressured into doing anal again. Gah. Whaatttt is wrongggg with me. Also, I really realllyyy realllyyyyy do not like hooking up with older guys. They jump straight into the sex without communicating at all. I fucking hate that. This was the last hookup that I swore to myself, that I am no longer doing anal with strangers. His room was also fucking sauna-like, and he had such a thick beard and was 30, and ugh I felt really whorish so I couldn't wait to gtfo. He went out for a smoke and we talked for a bit, and he asked me a bit about what happened just now (basically, I couldn't get hard to top, and I hated to bottom for him too so it didn't last long), and I told him how I feel like anal is a lot more intimate and I need to be able to have an emotional connection with someone to properly let myself relax and enjoy it. He dismissed me and said that I am thinking too much.

This was definitely the last tick for me. After that I didn't really check Grindr anymore, because I started to feel rather desensitized and disillusioned by the whole thing. Not that it affected me a lot, I just went about life as usual. But yeah, further reaffirming within me again that most men are not worth it, and from now on, I'm just gonna say 'no, I'm leaving.' And yes, I know I'm big-headed, but I really deserve a lot more than these people. I'm a lot better than that.

The next day we went to Sintra to visit the castles there. I finally found myself not checking Grindr or Jack'd anymore, and just checking out good-looking men purely to appreciate their aesthetics. I felt good and proud about myself to be honest. I probably will never be able to stop checking guys out, but it's not like it's a bad thing anyway. The castles were beautiful, and SAG and I did quite a bit of tourist photo-taking, and hiking (mad amounts of walking). It was a lot of fun. She would also be playing a lot of inane games on her iPad it was adorable.

She also told me she hasn't had sex for a year, and according to her friend, one becomes a born-again virgin if there is a 6-month intermission of sekz. Lmao. She also was having her period (omfg she told me nasty things, like how the blood some times clot up in hence it is necessary to shave during a period I was like WTF YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL ME THAT to which she cackled and said I deserved it since I talked to her about buttsekz and she was so grossed out hahaha), so maybe that's why the first couple days she was "jealous" in a way that I was so vehemently checking out dudes.

Anyway, that's the end of my Spain and Portugal trip. Looking back, it was a lot of fun. It was also definitely a great way to get over S. I have learned that there are plenty of gorgeous gay men out there, and if shit ain't happening for me in my motherland, imma move to one of these countries (especially after they go bankrupt yo I'll be livin the life hahaha I'm evil) and just claim my niche market. Hehe just kidding. Half-kidding.


  1. Yes, you should totally move and be "the only gay (asian) in the village" and hence also the most beautiful. lol.

    Anyway, who did you say was your favourite tennis player? Interested since I'm a tennis nut.


    1. hahah most beautiful gaysian in the house. i actually took screenshots of what people wrote on grindr it was hilarious.

      Case 1
      me: "how come you recognized me at arraial?"
      him: "jeje :) i recognized u cus there was not other asian more beautiful than you there"

      Case 2
      (after he gave me his full name for facebook) me: "i added you on facebook mr. [his name]"
      him: "i m yours"
      "u know it"

      Case 3
      him: "where are u?"
      me: "i'm going back to london tonight :("
      him: "no way!"
      "i was expecting to have more inner contact with u :("

      Case 4
      him: "you're hot..."
      me: "lol..."
      "maybe people never seen an asian? hahaha"
      him: "of course we see"
      "but never are handsome like u"

      Case 5
      me: "i feel very honored a good looking man like you approached me haha"
      him: "youre my first asian"
      me: "hahaha..."
      him: "i like you so much"

      it is hilariously cheesy.

      i said murray. cos i've seen his matches on tv and i like him haha. no other reason

    2. Haha, "inner contact", what a great pun. You bottomed for case 3, didn't you? Just kidding. Main point is you're hot to them. cheesy so be it.

      Anyway, "only gay in the village" is a reference to Daffyd Thomas, a character from Little Britain(which i love, especially the characters vicky pollard and marjorie dawes). Here's Daffyd:

      Hmm, Murray has indeed been growing on me the last few years but I'm a Federer fan. My current tennis crush is Grigor Dimitrov who plays like Federer and is Sharapova's beau!


    3. I'm not sure how you allow a complete stranger to "pressure" you into having anal if you are not into him or the situation. In these instances, you have to be strong and respect yourself, and not give into to impulsiveness. I get that you are horny in many of these times but most of time, it seems you have regret afterwards.