There is basically no way you wouldn't like this song.
Man. I'm sleepy.
So okay. One thing, I blog only in three moods: when I'm feeling terribly insecure, or when I'm feeling terribly cocky, and the last one is when I'm feeling terribly boring. There is a blend of course among the three.
I was talking to jw about self-entitlement. It seems that many people think they are special, when they are really not at all. Smart people especially. I don't think I am special - but neither do I think I am normal. I am hardly normal. Normal is robotic, safe, formulaic, boring. But neither am I special - there are probably so many culturally conflicted spoilt gay Asian brats in the world. But within my limited stereoscopic vision, I am special enough. And that is all that I take comfort in. I do not want to be predictable. So yes, that is why some times I say things just for shock value, or I trick myself to think things just to be different. But I am surely not like everyone else, but neither am I so unique I cannot connect with anyone - Uniqueness is lonely, and connection is all we ever yearn for, or at least all I ever yearn for.
See the thing is not everyone is special, but neither can everyone be the same. Not everyone wants to be a follower, nor does everyone want to be a leader. We just have to be contented with who we are, which is something that is very difficult, because as humans we always compare ourselves to the next 'better' person, when really we should be comparing ourselves to who we were in the past. It's better to become "better" than to become the "best," because better is defined by ourselves, while best is defined by others.
But honestly this is like hippie bikram yoga natural organic food oh yes give me more quinoa and superfoods like acai berry omg like guys?? our bodies are our own temples yah!!??, kind of shit. But I like it hehe.
I think self-entitlement is okay. Problem with the culture here is very few people are like that. Everyone sees themselves as just a mere follower, so obsequious and meek. Granted, it is mostly bounded by economic constraints - many people need the money and cannot quit their miserable jobs. But people should never just be one thing all the time. Self-entitlement needs to be accompanied, or switched out, by compassion and empathy. It's what defines us as human beings, the ability to shapeshift.
I've always seen myself as a chameleon. I've thought about if this makes me a hollow person, but no it does not. I just think it is useful to be able to adapt myself to the conditions around me. During my conscription days, I tried very hard to be more "local"
okay digress. this dude at work just told me 'oh wow maybe u should put in more effort at the gym' well maybe u should put in more effort with your face it looks like horse poop STFU wait till i take my shirt off you nincompoop /endrant
and attempted to blend in with everyone by (kind of) reading those porn magazines that they would sneak in, or drink beer like everyone even though I hated it. During my fratparty-to-fratparty hopping days I was a lot more of a "bro" doing kegstands and the thing where you unhygienically punch a hole with your keys into the bottom of a beer can and finish it. Honestly had to dumb myself down there. When I hang with international school kids I become a bit of an international snob to the plebes like "wait what you've never gotten bottle service?" Trololol. When I do volunteer work like cleaning up parts of an old folks' home I listen very attentively to the elderly when they are animatedly recounting some stories, because I know that my small action of just listening would have a great positive impact on their day.
I think it's a good skill. Hah!
Also, I kinda like life being like this. Alternating weekdays with going out for drinks and going to the gym. Monday I had drinks at a chill-ass bar and then a gay bar after with my straight army dudes. They're honestly awesome people. We're all bums. One's an employed bum, I'm an unemployed bum, and the other two are self-employed bums. Lol. Tuesday I had a good gym sesh again, my chest is aching even till today (Thursday) so I think I'm finally doing something right.
Something else also happened on Tuesday. I met up with jw for lunch :) I had a good time splaying him right in the middle of one of those atrium booths selling the newest Jaguar in town. Nah. It was fun though. Initially I was a little nervous because my online persona is a lot larger-than-life, but I think it went well. It was kinda strange because he pretty much knows everything about my life from my blog, but it was also quite fun showing him pictures of N, S, Aussie, HGG, SAP, etc. Hehehe.
Last night was really fun. So I've switched offices back to my original workplace, and the fucking useless admin department told me that I cannot keep changing my season parking venue, and they told me to pay the full parking for the day I drove, and to not drive for the rest of the days. I looked at her sad miserable servant face and said "fine" and so I've been getting my chauffeur to pull up right in front of the fucking office everyday. After work the younger coworkers wanted to grab drinks, so I got the driver to come drive us off (they were very excited to sit in a chauffeured car haha) and we had such a hoot drinking beers and eating pizza and tapas.
Everyone bashed my boss. I was so happy to realize that I was not being a brat when I said she was a piece of poop. One guy said he can't wait for the day she leaves because she is a terribly incompetent manager. Damn dude. And then we talked a lot about government organizations here, local culture, etc., and everyone congratulated me for making the right decision to leave, and that unlike them, I have a choice to leave...
They're great guys seriously. I'll miss them. Somewhat. I'm sure I'll forget about them in the future though. Just being honest.
I then had a nice long chat on the phone with N since it was his birthday yesterday! His friends all say they can't wait to meet me. My friends can't wait to meet him too. Haha. Hey, honestly, I think we'll become quite a cute couple. Hahahaha. Mmmm...Also just spoke to him telling him how I wished I was there to put his birthday cake icing on his hard cock and lick it all up but apparently I was on speakerphone so this chick heard it and was like OMG I'm traumatized!!! Hahahaha.
After 'za and beer, I headed to a rooftop bar to meet up with CPG (club promoter girl) and CTF (College Turkish Friend). Dude. After I uploaded a picture of CTF and I at the bar on Facebook and Instagram, a couple of my gay friends were like "omg who's this cutie is he gay is his body hot" Hahahaha. CTF is cute but he is such a womanizer and loves to spend money on bottle service. I guess I'm a manizer and love to pop bottles too. Guess that's why we're friends. I have yet to tell him I'm gay. He was asking me to hunt for chicks with him yesterday night. I told him I had work and was gonna go home. The thing is, I think he's homophobic (he's one of those very straight guys), and we're going to a beach party where CPG is hiring A&F models to strut their stuff, and I'll be shirtless and he'll be shirtless and I was wondering when I should tell him I'm gay. Maybe I shouldn't at all lest things get awkward. But I am most definitely going to fucking ogle the fuck out of the A&F models.
Maybe I'll get lucky? N doesn't do threesomes...I kinda want to. Hehe. Especially since HK is gonna be teeming with hot Eurasian guys hmmm.