Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The thing about N

I am thinking of ending it with N. He has told me another recent ridiculous story, and I told him I can't trust him, and he told me he is going to fly to Singapore on the 7th (even though he is, yes, oddly essentially broke), and that I can verify all truths with his really good friend C. So I did.

The story fits. He did, in fact, wire 550 pounds in 5 transactions to 5 unknown bank accounts last night while he was sleepwalking. Yes, I am not making this up. However, I also asked C about other questions.

I know that he has had 11 girlfriends and 5 boyfriends. He is turning 21. After speaking to C, I now know that for most of the guys before me, he falls in love very fast, breaks up very fast, and moves on even faster.

He is young, and therefore he is rash, fickle, and unstable. I can't be certain how much of his words to me of "you're special" and "but this time it IS different!" has been repeated multiple times in the past (apparently yes).

I was a complete and utter mess after S. It might be better for me to pull the plug now before I get myself way too involved with someone who might just toss me on the sidewalk after a few months. It would devastate me. All over again.

I truly feel very little security now after speaking with C. His words have always reassured me, but how do I know it is not just the fleeting thoughts of his caprices?

It was simply too good to be true. Or maybe in this case, too fast to be true.

Maybe I should just never be in a relationship.


  1. No, you are wrong about avoiding relationships -- any relationship worth trying will always require you to be trusting and making yourself vulnerable. The trick is to be selective about who you entangle in romance.

    You rely too much on impulse and emotion. Think about the things that are really important and gives you reasonable expectations of a relationship worthwhile and has good credentials to succeed:

    1) Respects and loves you (and shows it via compromise and communication)
    2) Similar interests
    3) Similar values
    4) Compatible personalities
    5) Treats you well, is like a good friend, supportive but also someone who looks out for you (selfish jerks need not apply!)
    6) Is a provider (will carry his own weight financially)

    Use your brain as much as your heart to assess whether N is going to be a good match for you. In business talk, do some personal risk management -- some risks are worth taking if you can mitigate or if are willing to accept the potential for bad outcomes. Some risks are better managed thru risk avoidance.

  2. Trust your gut. He could have easily briefed C what to say when you try to verify the "truths". Wow, 16 relationships before one turns 21? Sounds like a player to me. Be careful not to become part of that statistic.


  3. No don't say that. You will find the right guy for you one day.