Sunday, September 29, 2013

Big things

Big things are happening and I'm nervous and can't really fall asleep. Tomorrow I fly home with N. The last three weeks in London have been incredible although we have had arguments a couple times but nothing too serious. Now he's going to be in a new country and staying with my family and although I know everything's gonna be good I'm still nervous that things might go wrong. We will be in SGP for a while maybe three weeks and then heading over to HK. I still have hardly applied to any jobs because I am a fucking lazy shithead, and I hope N gets a job too so we can actually live happily together in HK. Everything is kinda crazy now in my head. Hope everything turns out fine.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

No interest to put a title

Dude in this video is hot. Song is catchy too.

Anyone can recommend any new blogs to read? It seems like the usual I follow aren't blogging anymore. Guess everyone's busy.

I've also been thinking about my own blog. I tend to blog only when I'm down or alone with my own thoughts, hence there's only a rather skewed perspective of who I am as a person on here. And I've realized on Facebook I only post wantonly exciting/happy pictures/statuses, and that's also another skewed perspective of me. I spoke to yet another high school friend on Facebook who gave me the impression he is rather intimidated by how much I've changed. Look forward my friends. This is the kind of sickening mentality that leaves my metropolis of a country so insanely culturally regressive.

There isn't much to really say, but I do keep coming back here and wondering what I should write. I've been meeting more of N's friends, and they're all incredibly awesome. N gave me the impression that absolutely none of his friends had a clue about him being gay (since he has dated plenty of girls in the past), and thus he was nervous but also excited to be introducing me to his friends. Turns out, all of them have guessed a longgg time ago, but never really cared to confirm it because dude wow, London is actually pretty progressive. And I've been observing N, he definitely isn't the manliest man out there, and so it got me thinking about my own situation where many of my friends told me they had suspected it in the past too. So I think I've come to realize that closeted gay guys aren't exactly as "closeted" as we think we are, that our close friends will always somehow sort of figure it out. I feel like while N and I aren't immediately obvious, if you hang out with us long enough (individually), you'll definitely think that we might be gay.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that for closet cases out there, honestly it isn't going to be completely devastating to come out to friends, because those that have stuck around with you, probably already have had a clue, and are still your friends because they don't care about that. Which is comforting.

I feel very bad though, because N pushed his flight forward by a month because I was being shifty back when we were still long-distancing this shit saying that the distance might make me...well, distant. Now I get this feeling that his mom isn't prepared at all for her son to be leaving so soon (she confided in me, while I helped her in the garden for 2 hours - excellent bonding time btw - that she is preoccupying herself so she doesn't have to think of Sept 29th when N leaves), and so are his friends, who are just trickling back into London for the first week of school. He has barely 3 days left here, and today is his last day of work, which really was a mistake too, as he hasn't started packing at all, or saying goodbye to many of his friends.

I know I shouldn't blame myself but I really do feel guilty that he might not be able to properly say goodbye to everyone in London. Like I'm stealing him away from everyone. However, it was his own resolute decision to leave everything behind in London for a while to "find himself," so I really shouldn't feel so shitty.

His friends have all said that we are incredibly cute as a couple. Awwww. Haha. It's a very nice feeling. More than ten of us were cramped up in the roof terrace of a friend's apartment, drinking wine and talking about life (and bitching about the crazy delusional bitch who is in love with N), then after that the Blondies all left (it was funny because the party was split up: the blondes included the Frenchies and the Italians, all of whose accents were really thick I couldn't really understand what they were saying, and the other half were the, voila, Asians: Saudi Arabian, Indian, Saudi-born Chinese, etc.) and I bought some weed and we all smoked up. The girls kept prodding me about how N and I met, and N was visibly uncomfortable, but I told them "we found love in a hopeless place" hahaha, and showed them our first conversations on Jack'd. Everyone kept going "awww this is soooo cute" hahahah, honestly it was pretty cute. Both of us were shy but clearly interested.

I'm really happy with N. It's incredible. A friend was telling me that finding love is much harder than finding a job, and thus I should count myself really lucky. He is so right. I am an incredibly lucky person. I've never felt more comfortable with anyone else in my life. N told me that he feels that if we stay together after a year, he has a really strong feeling that we would be together for a very long time, or maybe even forever. When things of such gravity are said, usually it's a very clear marker as to how one truly feels about the other person. I didn't freak out at all, or start thinking 'oh wait but I am a quintessential commitment-phobe like every other boring dickhead in the world', but I actually smiled and told him that I honestly feel the same way too. Crazy, right?

It has become a routine of ours to have our meal, watch a bit of X-Factor, and then go back to his room and just cuddle and look at stupid shit on our phones together. I'm also definitely getting a lot more experienced with having sex, and no more embarrassing poop whatevers anymore. Although sex is now different for us; it used to be a lot more of him pleasuring me (blowjobs or handjobs) than the other way round, but now it's almost purely me bottoming and trying to make him happy more than anything else. In fact I usually just kinda remain soft. There however has definitely been certain times where I've had a fucking crazy orgasm because he's right up at my prostate and he's jerking me off and it's an incredibly wild feeling. It's not the same kind of orgasm as a good blow/handjob though for some reason. This one is more intense, but also it ends very very quickly.

Oh and uhmm...we have been doing it bare all this time. In fact, some times even dry because N precums so much anyway. I'm not worried at all though, none of us are sleeping around.

I've definitely gotten over my aversion of being "less masculine" by bottoming, because hey, I do it to pleasure the dude, and I see it akin to a straight dude performing oral sex on a girl (I don't think many straight guys actually enjoy that), and also, most of N's friends say that N's the girl in the relationship hahaha. But in all seriousness though, I've become a lot more comfortable with who I am as a gay man. Which is ace.

I've also patched everything up with Dutchie (N and I agreed that our first loves are really unattractive...haha. Honestly not exactly sure why I thought Dutchie was the cutest person on earth), and I feel nothing at all for him anymore, and even all the songs that used to make me cry because it reminded me of him don't affect me too.

So things are really great to be honest. Does this mean I should stop blogging? I feel like the minute I am happy, I am boring and of no entertainment to anyone. Hah!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Monday, September 23, 2013


Every big MNC that I'm looking at isn't hiring fresh graduates. I find myself hitting dead-ends with my useless degree (economics is honestly completely shit) and invariably turn to only finance/banking-related jobs in the end, but I halt myself in my tracks because I _KNOW_ I absolutely hate number-crunching and the environment associated with it.

I am running out of time - my dad is fucking annoying the fuck out of me by setting me a time limit (find a job within the next month or two), and I am made to believe again that I am supposed to just bite the bullet and do a similar uninspiring job like the one before and return to square one. I am told that I need to be filial and loyal to the family, that I need to start providing for the family (even though my parents have tens of millions set aside for their own retirement), to "grow" the family wealth, that I cannot abandon everyone and be selfish and only think about providing for myself. Time is running out - my dad is retiring soon. Honestly, it is really a lot much more restrictive to have family wealth than to be comfortably middle-class  - there are so many things weighing me down like an albatross.

I have spoken to him about the idea of maybe doing unpaid internships across different industries to learn and see what I wanna do, but he immediately dismissed the idea and said he doesn't understand the concept of "graduate internships."

Sometimes my dad can be a major fucking dickhead. Can't he at least be a bit appreciative that at least his son didn't end up a junkie Macaulay-Caulkin-style? My family is honestly so similar to N's family situation some times it's rather crazy.

It has been impossibly difficult trying to a plot a course with no destination in mind. I am crippled and paralyzed by my fear that I am all talk and no action, that I have no passion in anything, and that I am a waste of space. The only thing I realize that I am passionate about is passionate people. I am so deeply fascinated and inspired by these people. It always brings me to tears when I watch either SYTYCD or X-Factor with N. I literally cry like a baby whenever it's some nondescript cashier/hotel receptionist who sings his/her heart out, and these people burn, burn, burn before my very eyes.

The only two things I can think of that I am passionate about is firstly music, and secondly writing. I really do love music, and I really do love singing. But my heart aches knowing that I would never get support for that from my family, and there is absolutely no future in that for a self-entitled pampered clueless young adult with neither the height, looks, nor raw talent to really carry him far. I know that I do not need to be the "best" in everything I do, and that I might be very happy doing gigs in pubs or shit (if I ever decide to properly learn music), but it pains me also that it took so long for me to realize this, and that I wasted close to 200k on my college education.

Isn't it insane that at the age of 24 I feel that it is already too late for me to turn back?

I don't know how to properly emancipate myself from the paternal pressure that I am facing. I can feel the claws around my heart - heartache really - and I bury my head in my hands.

I finally finished applying to ONE miserable job. It isn't like in the 70's, honestly it is so much more difficult to stand out as a millenial - how can anyone blame our self-entitlement and self-centeredness when basically all jobs now require you to be unique as fuck? I had to crack my head to think of obtuse essay answers to obtuse "tell me about some fucking special something that makes you so fucking special" questions, and then take two ridiculous aptitude tests, numerical and verbal reasoning. I fucked the numerical test up because it was really just too fucking troublesome to use my brain to think about numbers and shit, and so for the MENSA-esque shape-pattern-whateverfuckshit thing I asked N to help me throughout. Needless to say, I am feeling very frustrated right now because I answered less than 25%; N helped with the rest. My mind is just so closed off from all this nonsensical tedious bullshit. That's what my personality is as an ENFP. I hate tedious shit.

I just don't think I have the will to do this, especially being so fucking clueless about what to even do with my goddamn life. I really hate this crippling feeling of helplessness - I just can't seem to even...proceed, which is the fucking problem.

Sunday, September 22, 2013


N and I just got back from taking the tube home after meeting a good old friend of mine for dinner and milkshakes, and we were really exhausted so he fell asleep wrapped around my left arm and I was sleeping leaning against the side glass window for support. I woke up blurry-eyed to check which station we were at, and a middle-aged man spoke to me.

"Which station are you getting off at? We're at ____ now."
"Oh, we're getting off at the next one, thanks!"
"You guys are beautiful. This is really beautiful [does a picture frame gesture with his hands]. Really beautiful..."
"Ahh...thank you, very nice of you to say that." By this time I was getting a lil bit shy.
"You know I paint people. Women, men too, and I would gladly paint the both of you, sleeping, him lying in your arms. Now if only I had a proper camera to capture this moment so I could paint you guys."
"Wow painting! That's very cool..." I was sheepish and thus pretty awkward but also smiling a lot. I notice he had an earring, but it was on his left ear.
"Do you want me to take a picture for you guys? Come! Pass me your phone."

Then he fumbles and kept pressing the front camera button instead because iOS 7 is pretty goddamn alien for older people, but manages to take 6-7 photos. He gets off the train after, and tells me once again, "You're very lucky. Both of you are very beautiful."

I kept smiling after that, and kissed N on his head to wake him up.

"Hey baby, it's our stop now. Wake up sleepyhead."

Thursday, September 19, 2013

We could do this all night

WAZZUP GUYS??? So life is pretty strange. N and I have pretty much rolled over to "I love you" territory. It's crazy! But honestly, feels pretty darn right. We have spent about a week and a half being together for almost 24/7, and we have not gotten sick of each other at all. Sure, there was one fight that we had (he's very opinionated like me, and I hated it that he dismissed me once about guess what...finger digit ratios, and I gave him the cold treatment for like, an hour or two.) but other than that we have been perfect. Favorite activity is definitely cuddling, I don't get it, but cuddling feels fucking good, and we have been incredibly unproductive because of that.

Also, we've actually showered together for every single shower so far...and I've actually become pretty good at bottoming now that N told me it was the best sex he's ever had! Woah! He said it was because I was tighhhtt as fuck, which kinda makes sense because I'm incredibly new to bottoming, and I can't help but clench up my butt whenever he goes in. Funny story though, the morning we had the "best sex" was when we smoked up a shit ton the night before, and I think for some reason the morning after my muscles became really relaxed. He also took a longer time to bust. Dude. Awesome. I also love smoking up with my dude and blowing the smoke into his mouth by kissing him. We were pretty stoned, rooftop along Gower Street, just chilling.

I still however, really don't get what the fuck excites bottoms to bottom - I'm doing it purely to please N. It gives me absolutely no pleasure at all, and my digestive system is usually pretty fucked after that (like, I usually need to poop immediately after yikessss). But yeah, it's incredible, our sex life is insane haha. N is major-ass thick btw...he's like 5.3" thick (thick to me at least), and thus it hurts quite a lot to take it up some time. But he loves it, plus...I really cannot top at all hahaha...oh well.

But yeah. We're now one of those pretty annoying couples that would rather stay home and watch a movie together, and when we're out with N's friends, N can't seem to get his hands off me and the PDA does get to his friends some times. I've told him to calm his freakin boner haha. Tomorrow we're gonna meet my friends instead (1 gay couple and 2 fag hags) so I'm pretty excited that at last we're meeting my friends instead, though I'm not close to them at all.

The last couple days he took 4 days off work on the malingering pretense he sprained his ankle, so that's why we were together the entire time. We've decided to tell his mom after he leaves London (to not further complicate his family situation) about him being gay and about us being together, but I think she probably has a clue...

A few problems so far though: because I've been eating like a pig at home (his mom cooks pretty delicious food), and have not been going to the gym at all, it's been bad. I have noticed that the ridges of my abs are really weak now. I've also lost my tan....noooooooo

The next week is going to be really weird, because his dad is coming to stay to try to win the kids back from N's mom (they're divorced, because N's dad cheated multiple times). I've extended my stay till 29th, to fly back to the homeland with N. It's all very complicated, because basically the parents are separately writing their wills now, and there is a lot of money involved. N's dad tried to bribe N with a private yes, we are talking about a couple hundred of millions of dollars involved in the inheritance. Honestly, if N gets some of that money (highly uncertain since his dad is actually fucking mean to N, plus things might get worse if he finds out that N's gay), he's set for life. Of course, this is pretty mean to even think about because that depends on the passing away of his dad, but N really wants his dad out of his life. Anyhow, I am way too lazy to continue talking about all this.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Tired, not making sense

I'm so pooped. I can't sleep with someone else on the bed, much less on a fricken single-size bed, and I can't toss and turn without N waking up and trying to cuddle which just throws me off my whole sleeping pattern. I'm also horrible with jetlag...Thankfully N and I are actually so honest with each other, I'm gonna be more firm with him and tell him that cuddling can only be a pre-sleeping activity and after that I'm gonna gtfo and sleep on a separate bed. With earplugs, because he breathes really really loud.

I am getting more disenchanted with my job application process. Damn the states! It is almost impossible to get a job there being a non-citizen (years ago it would have been easy being enrolled into a US university). If only the economy there was actually doing well + they actually like diversity then I wouldn't have all these problems of scrambling to find a job outside of the US. All these "management associate" programs which I wanted to use as a two-year excuse to do a broad range of stuff while trying to wait it out till my passion "hits" me are all in the states and do not exist in cutthroat Hong Kong. Seems like if I want to work in Hong Kong, I gotta get into the banking industry as it's the only industry (other than design firms or hospitality sectors) that hires non-citizens. And now looking at my own country, it's been disheartening too realizing that many firms aren't looking for newbies at all, but experienced hires, since supply far outweighs demand now in Asia...

Fml. Should I just get a master's in some farcical bullshit? Might make me more employable. The job market now is terribly different from how it was back then, it is so difficult to make one's self unique in such a world now.

Or I was thinking - should I try out for some sort of journalistic stint instead? Although I majored in economics and finance, I honestly felt like I learned nothing useful from them, other than that economics and finance is a complete bore to me. And I really do enjoy writing, although some times I get the feeling that my style of writing belongs in some shit-ass self-entitled Thought Catalog-esque webzine, which is thoroughly annoying because I really do hate Thought Catalog and all it's ego-masturbating pat-on-the-back self-aggrandizing "25 things I wished I knew before I turned 25" typical horseshit advice that honestly c'mon guys, y'all got the brains to reach those conclusions by yourselves yah???

Sometimes I am really whiny.


Woke up this morning, fooled around in bed with N for a bit, and I decided to try and top for once. Problem was N was incredibly tense and I told him to relax his fricken sphincter muscle ("Dude my wang ain't that small you racist shit open up now!!!") but he kept laughing and saying he couldn't, and all that fingering with the yummy strawberry lube was for naught. Also, I really DO get soft when I have to put my wang into a butthole...Why?!?!?! Does this really mean that I have no choice but to always be a bottom??? I thought with someone like N that I am completely comfortable with I would be able to finally top but no...and bottoming still hurts so, so bad even with all the priming in the world, and it really does not help that N is honestly ridiculously thick (I am going to measure him one of these days).

Although honestly, I am perfectly fine if we don't have anal. I think N is fine with that to a certain extent too. It's just that it's frustrating that I can't seem to partake in an activity that seems central to gaydom. Everything else is wicked fun though. N worships my body lol, honestly it's hilarious how he does it, like he sleeps on my ass some times and says it's so comfortable like a pillow, or he licks my ear for like...5 minutes and after a while I'm like dude, wtf are you licking it's all licked up already hahaha I'm such a Debbie Downer. Our sex life, albeit with the actual buttsex, is actually really great because we're both horny all the time hehehe.

Went to the gym this afternoon again, wicked sick gym along Tot Court Road, and everyone there was incredibly muscular. However, I started realizing that I am developing more of a disdain for such people rather than in the past when I used to worship them. I'm beginning to feel that these dudes are way self-absorbed and their bulbous sizes make them seem kinda neanderthal, like a walking uterus of dangling veins and steroids. Very few are lean - many are just, for a lack of a better word, bulbous, and it isn't very sightly to me anymore, especially when compounded with over-pronounced veins and many tattoos along with what-will-soon-be leathery skin, I can't help but feel rather repelled by the whole thing. There are also many obviously gay muscle marys that spend like 15 minutes talking to each other by some machine and no one's exercising but all just yabbering on about whatever and all of them have pornstar bodies and pornstar butts and the whole thing is just very strangely disconcerting to me. Gym culture is so, incredibly weird. It is like a petri dish of self-absorbed sado-masochists served in one gigantic miso broth of...bulbusaura uteri.

Hah! How sassy was my previous paragraph yeah? Yah yah....bitch please.

It is also seriously amusing but also kind of uncomfortable listening to N banter on with his mom. I always assume that they are discussing something very grave and pertinent since the Farsi gets louder and louder, hands start flailing up in the air, and N starts repeating every sentence his mom says back to her in a voice that he thinks is imitating his mom, but honestly is just a high-pitched hamster squeal to me, and then I am let in on the fact that N is teasing his mom for being an old person wearing drabby clothes and she is defending herself by saying that her sweater is from Urban Outfitters and her shirt from Hugo Boss and she has no energy to fight with him because she has terrible IBS at the mo' and is starving herself to flush everything out, but she still shows me pictures of herself dolled up at various parties and asking me if she looks old and haggard in them. And I just sit there laughing my head off because the issue at hand is so terribly asinine ("N says that I am a piece of fat! No bones no muscle no protein, but just a giant piece of fat!") but Farsi just makes everything sound so serious and complicated.

Anyway, it is finally Friday, and N and I are probably going out to a gay club tonight. Or maybe, just like every other night, we'd stay in and just kinda roll around in bed haha. Man. I'm pooped. Gonna take an hour nap now. Peace.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

It's Friday I'm in love

1. I like to enumerate, lest I forget what I wanna talk about.

2. To address FoC's concern about N's mom: I don't particularly appreciate your frequent presumptive notion that "cultural differences" causes people, especially the people in my life, to be "sheltered." Both my family and N's family are worldly enough (basically, wealthy enough to have traveled to and lived in many places) to not be bounded by traditional "cultural" stereotypes. In a similar vein, it is strange that you regularly bring up my parents being "Asian" when actually they are the farthest from being the stereotypical "Asian" parents; most of the time the pressure comes from within myself. 

N tells me he regularly has friends who stay with him, and they sleep in his room too, on an extra bed. So his mom isn't going to be curious about why I'm sleeping in his room. Also, in front of his mom, obviously I'm not acting all affectionate and lovey-dovey towards N; I talk to him like any regular guy talks to his guy friend. I don't even think I'll be affectionate with him with my parents around when they do meet him. So, I don't think it's going to be immediately obvious to his mom about the true nature of our relationship. N plans to come out to his mom some time soon (he is out to most friends, and I would be meeting most of them during these two weeks), but we are both undecided as to whether he should tell her when I'm still around, or when I leave. N thinks his mom would be chill about the whole thing, because she is pretty open-minded and plus she has expressed to him that she really does like me. Still though, I am rather wary for my personal safety haha, but so far she does seem like a really cool nice woman. 

Also, Auntie and Uncle are used as terms of respect for elders in Asian and apparently Persian culture too (I previously asked N how should I address his mom).

3. N and I met up with one of his best guy friends last night for pizza and some wine. N has came out to most of his girl friends but I think this is his first straight guy friend that he's coming out too. The whole thing was pretty funny because the guy asked N, "so what's the big surprise you said you had for me?" And N and I both looked at each other and cracked up and after a few awkward moments, N tells him, well this guy is my boyfriend, and the dude goes, "Aha! I knew it!" Apparently at N's birthday the girls (who knew about me) talked about me quite a bit and he overheard, and he saw that I've been posting quite a lot of stuff on N's Facebook so he wondered about it...hahaha. 

Dude was a total chill ass mofo, great fun and banter really. N kept cracking jokes about all of us being minorities (dude's a black guy, I'm Asian, N's basically Iranian) and we talked about this crazy bitch who's in love with N and thinks that his homosexuality is just a phase and that they will end up together and have babies! Talk about being delusional!!! In fact on his birthday (which was just in August), she came up with this big plan of getting him really drunk and getting him to sleep over and posssssibbly rape him or some shit idk woman is basically whacked, and I told them both that when I see that bitch imma tell her to lay her fat chubby hands off my man. 

4. I am loving this whole gay relationship thingamajig. For starters, it is just terrific that I can use all of N's facial products. Dude takes care of himself (since he used to model), and so it's like being in a department store with free samplers everywhere for me. It's good to not be the vainest person around - loads of straight friends teased me for using acne cream concealer, but N actually owns foundation...and a hair straightener among other things hahaha we are such metrosexuals. 

Secondly, we have the same shirt and shoe size, and it's just awesome to be able to sort of double my closet. I didn't bring gym shoes or jackets over to London because I've just been wearing his stuff. And that's pretty awesome because N's pretty brand-conscious like me (or brand-sluts I guess), although honestly, I have way better fashion sense than he does. Only problem are the pants - he's a whopping 6 inches taller than me so screw that.

Third, we cuss at each other all the time, tickle each other, and oddly check out women quite a lot...and also fart in front of each other. Hahahaha. And we take turns paying for meals. And when either of us is feeling horny, it's easy to initiate, and then things usually become pretty hot and heavy really fast hehehe. 

5. One weird thing that happened though, is that earlier this morning he was sucking me off with some good ol' strawberry lube, and being the cheeky lil buffoon that I am, I asked him to swallow it. After I jizzed and stuff he still kept going at it, and maaaan it felt soo good so I wanted to return the favor. Now strawberry lube actually tastes really amazing btw, and it was tasty kinda going at it for a while. But when he actually blew his load, I totally forgot that he busts buckets, and my mouth soon kinda filled up with the goo, and when I swallowed the whole thing, my eyes almost fell out and I swore I almost vommed everything out. O M G. It was so nasty. D U D E. Nothing could have prepared me for that. Just writing about it is sort of bringing back the putrid taste in my mouth and I'm feeling kinda sick just thinking about it. It also kind of stuck to the back of my throat like some viscous Grimer solution. I immediately squeezed out some strawberry lube into my mouth and just nommed on that shit to get the nasty taste out...ughhhh. I told N that I was not gonna force him to swallow my load ever again. Yikes...

6. Also, I am really not at all cut out for bottoming. It hurts way too much, and honestly, N is just way too thick for my virgin-esque butt. What happened earlier today was also completely new to me. I actually had really bad diarrhea four times during breakfast itself (I excused myself four times, makes me jittery wondering what N's mom thought about my rudeness...). It seemed like bottoming totally screwed up my bowel system, and made my body homeostatically flush everything out. I was in such pain and I whimpered to N and he reassured me that the first few times he tried bottoming he had the runs for about a week. Yikes again...

7. Today is also the first day that we decided that we can say "I love you" to each other and actually mean it.'s actually only two months since we first met each other, but honestly it doesn't feel rushed at all. Day after day I find myself feeling closer to him, and I'm letting my guard down more and more. It's actually wonderful to wake up and smile at the person beside me, looking so blissful while asleep. And it's really weird because I never expected to like cuddling so much, but it is actually incredibly enjoyable. We do hold hands and kiss in public quite a bit too, which is kinda liberating and nice. He's really passionate about dance so he shows me a lot of videos from So You Think You Can Dance? and I really like music so I'm always choosing the playlist, and we watch videos like Miley's Wreeeeeecking Balllllllllll song and kinda just loop that shit for no reason. Also, we compared Instagram accounts and my god mine is really just so slutty hahaha. Interestingly, I am finding myself less interested in all these models I follow too now that I have N. Cool beans!

tl;dr: I am incredibly happy and blessed to be with N. :) There, smiley face. The end.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Life so far

I can't help smiling. Life is actually really good. Gonna recount what happened over the last few days when I went MIA:

1) A weekend ago: A couple entries ago I mentioned my Staunch Christian Friend from Texas who was visiting relatives in Hong Kong who said that homosexuality is a sin like any other so he doesn't hate on gay people more than...other sinners lol. But I've realized SCF is probably a lot more open-minded than I give him credit for. He flew over for the weekend from Hong Kong and stayed with me for a coupla days, along with Philippines Vacation Chick who was visiting for a couple days before going back to Korea, her homeland. SCF and PVC both are from college.

Basically, the trio of us had so much fun together for the weekend. I fucking love it when people visit my country, I get to play host! We went out to three clubs for PVC's birthday, and it was awesome, everyone had fun, everyone was tipsy (we pre-gamed at my place), no one was a shitshow (neither was I! Huzzah!), and free entry to all three clubs because we're club sluts who always know promoters and shit hahaha.

PVC got us into the first club because she knew the bouncers well where we danced a lil till a bouncer manhandled me and told me to get off the platform cuz it's only for ladies (FYI: Asia is fucking in-your-face sexist when it comes to clubbing. If you're a chick, you're treated like a queen, if you're a dude, unless u're getting bottle service, they basically spit in your face) and I got fucking mad because he was grabbing me by my US$10k watch and I started becoming a fucking douchebag and told him if he breaks my watch he has to write me a check for it, and so in the end we all left because I was literally about to give that fucking blue-collar pauper a piece of my mind for being so unnecessarily aggressive with me when I was unintentionally dancing with the ladies (PVC pulled me up). Fuck that shitass club. Only because it's always free entry that I somehow keep ending up there.

The second club we got in for free too cos I knew the promoter for the night (if not we wouldn't have gone in, cover was US$40 for chicks and US$80 for guys w t f - why do people like going clubbing??) so that was a hoot, and PVC's two friends (they were a couple, guy was named Thund3r - he was cute too!- girl was named M0m0 - she was super pretty too!- , I'm not kidding. It's awesome lol.), and we got into the VIP room and had a free bottle of Belvedere! Wootwoot!!! This drunk chick also came up and made out with me for no reason (eventually I realized she was dared by her friend), twice, and it was really weird because I went with it and I was wondering why I went with it after. Lol. She was bad at kissing. Then she kissed PVC too because it was her birthday. Hahaha.

After that, PVC hooked up with some not very attractive older dude who hooked us up with our third club of the night, so at 3:30 am we all got into our third cab of the night and went over. Free entry again! By this time though I was thoroughly liquored up enough and so didn't drink anymore (friends were good too and deflected all free drinks away from me hahaha), and we just danced cos this club is actually my favorite since they play good electronic remixes of Zedd, Mat Zo, Alesso etc. Then PVC didn't want to sleep with the dude (she's a virgin!!!) so we all bounced, laughed our heads off, I drunk called N while in the cab and both SCF and PVC spoke to him, and we went to get some fucking awesome local drunk food to eat, and then when I woke up I realized the both of them were sleeping on the same bed with me...when there are 4 other empty bedrooms in the house lolwtf. Apparently I got pretty drunk by the end and stripped down to my boxers before sleeping and told SCF to play with my tits like how N does...L M A O awkward...oops

I also brought both of them out to get some awesome 螃蟹米粉 (crab rice-vermicelli) which is fucking amazing btw?? Such a good dinner.

2) PVC had plans to have a mega South East Asia reunion with kids from Hong Kong, Malaysia, Indonesia, etc to join us for a tropical paradise resort holiday in Cebu, Philippines, however everyone fucking bitched out!!! Grarrrl. So in the end it was just me and her. Poop. I was a lil nervous about how it was gonna go, because PVC is notorious for being incredibly self-absorbed, man-crazy, and totally bitchy, and everyone's like, she's the female version of you! You guys would get along so well! Meh. Not true. I really do think I know how to pull the reins in on my self-absorption cos of my supreme intellect and self-awareness but no, PVC is actually self-absorbed.

Turns out we had a pretty good holiday. We took a 3 hour flight, a 20 min cab ride, a 2.5 hour ferry, and finally a 2.5 hour cab ride to our fucking deserted corner of middle-of-nowhere island, and it was awesome. Omg. Untouched by tourists. Our resort only had us and two other sketchy couples (always young slutty Filipino girl with old sketchy white man) and since the couples pretty much shagged all the time (I assumed so), PVC and I had the pool, the beach, and everything else to ourselves. It was like our private resort. Ace.

Here are more pictures:

It was so fucking gorgeous. The entire time I kept thinking how nice it would have been to have gone with N. I got up at 5 am everyday to catch the sun and talk to N. I also was very honest with PVC and gave her a therapy session of sorts, talking about why she projects this image of sluttiness when she's a goddamn virgin and has only touched one penis in her life (I told her, well yknow if you wanna you can touch mine HAHA) and I think it helped her. She's a great girl, really loyal to friends and stuff, but she requires so much validation from men all the's sad. Girls should really be a lot more self-confident. I realize guys are just fucking jerks seriously.

3) I am now tanned, and beautiful (lol), and in London. N left for work this morning, and I ironed his shirt for him. Fuck. Househusband = me. It has been incredible being with him. It just feels so right. I don't know how to describe it. And we get each other too. And also now that he is more than just a hookup (which was what I felt about him the first few days when we were in London), I am noticing more things about him, like how he is actually pretty hairy HAHA but it doesn't mind me that much (I'm probably gonna help him shave his upper back) and also do notice that wow he's...packing. Hahahaha. Not like it matters at all. We get along so well, and really do connect on a deeper level.

We've been doing very weird things together. We had a bottle of Piper-Heidsieck demi-sec (this means that the champagne is pretty darn sweet, much sweeter than extra brut or brut) and watched X Factor together... Like who drinks champagne and watches X Factor reruns at 2 in the morning lol. And I cried multiple times at all the "average" people with "average" jobs with fucking huge lungs and a thirst to chase after their dreams. It's seriously so inspirational. He was lying on my chest the entire time and I kept playing with his hair. It was really kinda cute.

It's been extremely weird staying at his place though, because I'm pretty sure during these two weeks his mom is going to figure out the true nature of our relationship. I've been pretty awkward during meal times so far, because N, his mom, and his sister all speak in Farsi and I sit there dumbly watching the telly and munching on my food, and slipping in a few polite "the food is great Auntie" pleasantries her and there. And it's hilarious because apparently they speak in Farsi about ME, while I'm at the dinner table, how very reminiscent of Asian families hahaha. His mom said that N is a gorilla compared to me, even though he is already not very hairy. She said it is wonderful I have such nice smooth skin wtf...and also asked him if it was me singing earlier in the afternoon, and asked if I was going to sing for them some time. Haha! She said she likes me, because I can sing well, and she likes to have a singer in the house, and that she sat by the stairs to hear me sing! Awww.

Still, I'm kind of uneasy because N and I spend a lot of time in the room (duh) and it's usually quiet (we're not talking), or we shower together, and I'm just paranoid if she somehow finds out she'll go apeshit on me. N seems to not care, and thinks that if she finds out this way, it might be for the best. I'm like, but dude what if ur mom poisons me lol. Or kicks me out. Idk. It's weird.

Anyway, itinerary for today: Blindly look at who the fuck I want to work for...and then gym, shower, pick up N at his workplace, dinner, and drinks after with one of his best guy friends who he told "Hey I have a surprise for you tonight!" to which the guy replied "Can't wait"... the surprise is me, that N's gay and has a boyfriend. Lol...oh boy our predilection for drama.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Quick update

N is showering right now, so I've got a bit of time to do a quick update to kinda say that I am alive and well. Basically, life is fucking great now. I was in an unreal holiday resort in the Philippines from the 4th - 8th with a girl friend from college, and then on the 9th I flew to London to be with N. It has been surreal being with N so far, everything feels so right with him. Although honestly so far, we have done nothing much but jizzed three times, showered twice, and cuddled and slept together a lot. Haha.

These are a couple pictures from the resort. I'll update more tomorrow.


Edit: Wow. I am thoroughly confused being in a house where people constantly speak a foreign language. N's mom just asked N in Farsi if I was naturally hairless or I wax. Awkward penguinnnn hahahaha.