So it's been about a month that I started my new gig, and so far I'm actually quite surprised at how it isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I had the impression I could come in to work at about 9.30 am, and leave on the dot at 6 pm, but my boss is such a punctuality nazi and so I have to get in at 9, and most days I leave at 7.30-8. Definitely did not see this coming. I’ve also had to go for many meetings, and take mad notes, and do some beautiful write-up of these dudes on top of the most perfunctory administrative shit I have to do. There have been days that I’ve been so exhausted, because it’s really tough to get organized, and thus I’ve been lazy on my whole gym routine shit.
Still though, it’s miles better than my previous stint. I feel a lot more comfortable here, able to be myself, contributing more to the team, feeling more appreciated, etc. I also live really close to where I work which, woah, is actually amazing. My brother’s doing an investment banking internship here, and he’s already about to keel over in his second week (he hasn’t been back earlier than 10 pm other than the first day), but it’s good because I’ve had chances to get closer to him. My mom also came to visit, and it was so, so, fun to have her here and we just spent the weekend hanging out, and she said she never knew how much she missed me until she was with me again. She also really treats N as her son.
It was also my birthday a couple weeks ago, and I got, once again, needlessly drunk out of my mind that I blacked out for 2 hours again, but this time N was with me the entire time to witness how I behave during these episodes. He said I started crying, scratching him, running away, jumping in front of cars to try and get hit. He also said I started shouting a lot at him telling him to fuck off because I know he doesn't love me, and that no one loves me. He called my dad at 3 am, who called the chauffeur to come down and pick me up, since apparently I ran so far away from the clubbing district that N didn’t know how to get back (plus, no cabs wanted to take me).
It’s very disturbing why I behave that way. He sat me down the next day and asked me if I felt unhappy. I told him no I don't, but maybe somehow subconsciously I do. I’ve made a pact with him since though, to not drink more than 1 glass in any occasion, and so far, I’ve drank nothing.
That was well, a pretty sobering event, ironically. I’ve somehow calmed even more of my tits down, and basically spending time with N at home suffices. I know there still comes certain spikes of urges within me that really craves going out to a club or a bar and getting champagne and shit with a kickass rooftop view, but definitely not as much as before.
On to other random things. My company is trying to pitch to my dad as a potential client. That is just heaps amounts of awkward because one of the consultants wanted me to take charge of the initial research since I knew everyone in the firm. Uhm, no.
Tomorrow is also the day N scheduled for my “surprise,” which well, surprisingly, got pushed back two weeks from my actual birthday weekend. We have to leave the house at 7.30 am, but other than that, no information.
Also, this is so embarrassing, but I’m addicted to a mobile game called Puzzles & Dragons and it’s just fucking horrible because it’s basically Bejeweled crossed with Pokemon and Sailor Moon (N calls it a princess bejeweled game because they’re so many anime princesses), but it’s so fucking ridiculously addictive ugh.
Also, yesterday was the longest time I’ve ever gone without having sex since being with N lmaoooo, and that’s…a week. Damn son.