Yeah so, life isn't bad at all! Yeah, I'm unemployed, and yeah, I'm in my mid-twenties, and yeah, lots of uncertainty everywhere, but it's okay!
I think in general I feel more relaxed when my dad (or mom) is around, to kind of just tell me that you know, I'm gonna be fine. I know, I'm a big baby, haha.
I've applied for a couple of schools so far that don't require the GMAT, and gonna be applying to two more that do. These two are tricky because, one is the top 5 best MBA schools in the world, but the GMAT is going to be such a bitch to study for dude. I imagine it's kinda like the SATs, which I studied for during my conscription days, so I was figuring geometry and stuff out while in a bunk with horny guys who were salivating over softcore magazines. I haven't even started doing any practice tests, but I'm thinking I'm going to see if I can study for it within two weeks, and get my application in by end of March.
Btw, I'm applying to do a Master's in Management. It's like an MBA, but for fresh grads. So, my current plan is to 1) get into a school in London to do a MIM 2) do "college" right this time by ACTUALLY going to classes, by going to career fairs/workshops, 3) prepare for case interviews rigorously, and aggressively apply and get into the management consulting sector, in London, 4) work for two-three years in the consulting sector, 5) then apply for an MBA back in the USofA, either at my alma mater or somewhere in the East Coast.
Why management consulting? The blatantly honest answer is, I don't think I can survive outside of the "Ivy" bubble just yet. I do need to be around people who I can relate to, and who can relate to me. More often than not, I realize these people are intellectual, driven, ambitious, and slightly pretentious. Oddly, I possess none of the first three traits and a lot more of the fourth, but it's okay. I need to be around homies.
I had a long chat with a friend who's gonna be starting with McK this year. He told me it's just like a continuation of college. I used to hate college. But now, I really do feel lost without such an artificially structured environment. And well, I want it back for a while more, until I feel more confident to stand on my own two feet.
I realize that while I like change, I prefer it to be in gradual stages. It was hypothermic rushing into the unstructured and chaotic working world. I think this will provide a sufficiently amniotic sac for myself.
Hopefully, my inchoate career goal will be able to see the light of day.
I had a luncheon appointment with my dad's business colleague. I didn't know what to expect going in, but I really should have known. This was the same high-strung woman who coerced me to stay in Asia and not work in the states (her reasoning being that Asia is changing rapidly and would want to hire "local" and if I went to the states to work, I would miss out on a few years of "local" experience - well that is complete bullshit, because while yes, Asian firms are now hiring more and more local Asians instead of foreigners, they're hiring the kind of Asians that have the best of both Western and Eastern experiences), the same woman who kept telling me that I need to figure out my life goal as soon as possible and stop being so passive in life, and actually alluded my silence to being like "so if you're gay but you do nothing about it, it's pointless. just come out!" - (at that time I was still heavily depressed and in the closet and she was just not helping).
This time, she was being even weirder. She told me that I need to figure out my career plans fast, because she doesn't want to see my reaching 30 and having no job and only a boyfriend, and then by 40, boyfriendless and careerless. She cited her "plenty" of gay friends as examples - "I know plenty of gay guys who have HIV..." "no one starts a relationship wanting an open relationship, but many of my gay friends end up having orgy type of open relationships, and all kinds of STIs and drugs are involved..." "I don't know N but you never know how each of you feel about the other in 10 years...things change, feelings change."
Holy cow dude. Stop projecting your pessimism on a poor lil' kid okay. There are a lot of reasons for her "fecund" imagination, which interestingly have to do with her lack of fecundity - she has had 4 miscarriages ever since she had IVF for her first child at the age of 38 with her husband who is so clearly a flaming queen, and she well, of dubious sexuality.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is, I think the older generation still associates homosexuals with drugs, orgies, bad upbringing, and all kinds of other social iniquities, even those who are probably gay themselves. It's kind of sad, they projected societal judgments onto themselves, and have developed quite a bit of self-hatred I believe.
If there's one thing I'm actually certain about, N and I will work through all our problems (if we have any, which we rarely do now), and we will really, indubitably, build a really good family together in the future.
I watched "The Kids are All Right" today again, while N was at work (on a Sunday!). I need to get him to watch it with me too, because it's great. He told me his plan of asking a surrogate half-Chinese half-Persian lady to help us carry "half-twins," one with my sperm and another with his. This way, the kids would at least be half-biologically related. That's kinda cool.
It's really hard to explain, but N and I are literally perfect together. We're best friends, almost like brothers, or sisters sometimes (haha), and we do things for each other (I cook for him, he cooks for me), and we cuddle every night. Every day, we say "I love you," and every day, we smile goofily to each other. He also cannot stop commenting about my butt, and calls me his "tushy boy" and has a ridiculously corny line of "who needs a Toshiba when I have my tushy boy" which I usually reply "who the fuck even buys Toshiba nowadays" but it's cute.
We're cute. Haha.