Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Life Partner


I'm back to blogging all the time, now that I am procrastinating heavily on my master's applications. I promise I will start once I finish this post. I am about an hour 15 late on my planned schedule for the day. Woops..

Life partner. The above article does make a lot of sense.

N and I aren't embarrassed to admit to others we met on Jack'd. Although yes, Jack'd is hardly considered online dating but more for online cruising, but still, it really did take quite a ginormous amount of luck for us to have met, especially when I was on holiday in London for a mere 8 days.

I've always had wicked high standards for guys. Initially, all I wanted was to find someone like this:

The most popular search that ends on my blog so far has been Mariano Di Vaio. This is Bernardo Velasco, who is arguably even hotter, and if you search hard enough on the internet, you can find a jackoff video of his.

Physical-wise, I wanted a guy who had an incredible chest, great arms, and was a few years older than me. Personality-wise, I wanted a guy who wrote short stories, or could play a guitar, or direct short films.

That was all when I was single and horny though. I mean, until now, I still watch a lot of porn and jack off to it, even though I have sex almost every day with N. Hehe.

Anyway, my point is, the article seems to state that you know, you need to keep trying till you find one, to go about romance systematically and try many failed relationships before finding the right one. I don't know if that would actually have worked for me.

I'm really glad I was just lucky really. It would really have sucked major donkey balls if I had to make a spreadsheet of potential lovers...or even date friends. All friends are friendzoned for me, I can maybe think of 2-3 guys in my life who were friends but I was interested in also (most of the time, I wasn't that close to them, and most of the time, I was more intrigued as to whether they might be gay).

N definitely started out for me as a "scantron" guy. He ticked many boxes for me. One, he is half-Persian half-white, and so that makes him foreign and exotic. Haha. Two, he's tall. Three, he used to model, and he's really easy on the eyes. Four, he went to a good school (although now...he is repeating all over again at the same good school). And the best, five, he was really into me too.

But he also didn't tick some boxes, and I was very annoyed with him initially. I feel kind of bad now, because back when we first started going out, I still wasn't in a very good mature place myself, and took it out on him a lot. One, he's younger than me, and I thought that meant i.e. less mature. Things that reinforced that were his music tastes (Pitbull and J.Lo and shit), his friends, his "i'm wearing my shades and popping my collar and I think I look cool" thing. Two, he doesn't have a big chest that I fantasize of grabbing during sex, and basically he's a skinny dude with a BMI of 18. Three, he is slightly fem, and I didn't like it. Four, he seemed like too much of a player.

The last two were quite a bother for me. Back then, I wasn't secure enough still, and firmly believed that being gay meant that I shouldn't be FABULLUSSSS. But now, all of those stuff don't matter at all to me. One, he is actually a lot more responsible than me. Two, he still has a great body although he absolutely has no butt. Three, yes, he is slightly fem, but it isn't that bad, and I just thought so because I was hypersensitive to that. Four, he's actually a lot more faithful than I ever thought he would be.

So I guess what I'm saying is, I guess you really never know for these kind of things. Love is really hard to figure out.

There was really no point to this post except to procrastinate. Fml.

1 comment:

  1. You are learning and adapting -- those are good signs that you are indeed maturing. More importantly is you are gaining insight into yourself. When you are young and impulsive, you don't fully appreciate that your actions have consequences, some good and some bad.

    While ultimately your happiness and satisfaction has to come from within yourself, having someone to share in your life journey, that loves, supports, and sacrifices for you, will enrich and enhance your life.

    You are lucky, really lucky to have found N. The things he needs to check off the missing boxes, he can work on in the future. Similarly, there may be things you need to do that he finds missing from you. If you work together to see that each others' needs are met, and continue to build on your relationship, which also means being best friends, then you have a solid foundation for the future. The final thing is don't take each other for granted, relationships require work and compromise.