Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Life of a bored tai-tai

I am motherfucking bored. All I do is wait around for things to happen. I don't really know how to pass time constructively - I'm horrible with all the extremely silly "feel-good" let's-become-vegan or let's-learn-krav-maga kind of shit; too cynical for that yo!

A random hot dude from da interwebz
So in the end, because N is working the night shift this and next week, I just watch a lot of porn. Can'tstopwon'tstop. Temptation of Eve is actually a brilliant porn studio for me, because it's kinda artistic, featuring really hot dudes (e.g. some dude called Jay Parks), and they're all solos. Please don't ask me why but solos get me off the most out of all porn genres. That, and shower scenes.

Because I've exhausted my dick, and I've exhausted my patience over the lagginess of League of Legends, I shall blog before I hit the shower and sleep after. I mostly like showering before sleep, because it makes me feel clean and smell good before jumping under the sheets. Great feeling really.

Anyway, my Shanghai trip was a whale of a time. We were staying at my bestest friend's house, Y, as she's studying her second part of her master's there (one year in Paris, the second in Shanghai - how awesome!). Her place was incredibly ghetto-looking from the outside; I def. felt kinda afraid when I saw this old man showering outside on the streets. But it turned out to be not as ratchet as we thought it would be. My second bestest friend T arrived the next morning, and the four of us all slept on one giant bed.

HA! Isn't that kinda crazy. Good thing is, we four are extremely close and comfortable with each other, plus we're all mad skinny asian betches so no problem squeezing. Y and T kept squealing whenever N and I would playfully cuddle or stuff in bed and they'll be like "ugh kill me now i hate people in love" LOL. It was also really funny because Y woke up to N snuggling up on her shoulder and she's like "omfg personal space PERSONAL SPACEEE" wahahhaa

This is my second time to Shanghai. Shanghai is kinda divided across The Bund into Pudong and Puxi (East and West). Puxi btw, is pronounced Poo-see. N kept thinking I was saying pussy, so we decided that we were Pussies in Puxi.

The first time I went to Shanghai, I was staying at the Ritz in Pudong. It's basically the financial part of Shanghai, full of residential high-rises along with banks etc. Puxi is a lot more organic and old. My first time there, I was led by a college friend who went to international school and basically spoke shit Mandarin and brought us to all those pretentious expat places that I was frankly very bored at.

This time, I roughed it out with my Pussies in Puxi gang. Well, other than getting my dad's chauffeur in Shanghai to take us between the airport and Y's place hahaha. From walking everywhere (T is a typical pampered HK girl who kept complaining about how far we had to walk lol), to going to extremely cheap dive bars, to ridiculously hipster coffee joints, to eating street food, to smoking a joint right in front of the cops because they don't know the smell of weed, it was all amazing. Lol. I have to say, I do quite enjoy a more "real" experience when visiting a place, rather than how I've always done it with my family where we stay at some 5-6 star hotel and take cabs everywhere we go and only cover tourist spots and Michelin restaurants...this time I had redonkulously awesome food and everything was Omg. Shanghai is cheaper than Hong Kong and I love that haha.

Also, pollution was totally not as bad as I thought, plus the weather was actually perfect because it would rain at night and in the day there was no smog and it was pretty chilly so I felt like I was breathing in some Japanese countryside. Company was beyond terrific - I am so, so blessed to have Y and T in my life who have fully embraced N and all four of us have become a great gang together.

Here are a couple of pictures pulled from the net (this is essentially what I saw):

French Concession along the Bund at Puxi
However, I think N wasn't used to street food in China, or maybe the general spiciness of stuff, or maybe it was because we stayed out late most nights and he came back to night shifts, but he has been ill for the past two weeks. Gah. He took 4 days off in fact. Flu. Tonight he went back to work, and he texted me that Latin music has reinvigorated him and he feels a lot better now. Lol.

I have my interview with an alumnus of my #1 school choice next Monday. Initially I was glad that after a bit of Facebook/LinkedIn stalking, she seems chill (and pretty) plus an alum interview should be pretty casual, but she wants me to go to her office... I hope this isn't going to be some tough nut interview :/ 

Then, next Friday, N officially ends his internship, and will be free to frolic with my unemployed ass! Two of his friends, a gay couple, will also be spending a week in HK before going with us to Koh Samui. We plan to go to Ocean Park (some water theme park here), and Macau, and probably hike up to the Big Buddha (I've done this twice before, meh), and go hit gay clubs up. I also have a friend visiting from home. I met up with her when I went back to the motherland for 4 short days..cos my bro was back in town from Aussieland so my dad wanted a big family reunion and look where that got us...fucking family squabbling to no end again. Seriously, my family is THE epitome of a "model" family from the outside but from the inside it's reaaaallly dysfunctional. Everyone's always like, oh the husband is so successful in his career, the wife is pretty and cooks really well and is doing her own investments, and the kids are all smart, good-looking, and have bright futures ahead...I mean all that's kinda true (humility is definitely not in my genes), but the sum of everything really kinda dilutes all these plus points... May looks to be pretty exciting. At Koh Samui we are also staying at a redonk luxe resort, but because we are broke young kids and the other two earns quite a bit of moolah, they're paying an additional 1000 pounds more so we're getting a really good deal haha. 

Hoping to get a good tan in Koh Samui
In June, we're going to Japan for a coupla days with my homeboy J (thankfully not with his girlfriend, who is kinda annoying because she's supes whiny about J not being a good-enough boyfriend, where my reply is always kind of like, well, then ditch him.), and then N and I will be going on a true couple holiday in Cambodia to see the great Angkor Wat. 

Angkor Wat temples

In July, a friend from college is touring Asia, so I think I'm gonna hash out deets of traveling to a coupla places in China with him and N. 

I'm hoping to cover these few places:

Of course I gotta bring N here!
Good if we can see the terracottas too
And for some nature stuff, Jiuzhaigou.
Supes pumped brah! I am trying to save money by staying at really cheap hotels or airbnb places just so I can sort of spend within the budget of whatever I've earned over the past year in my shitty on-and-off jobs. 

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Boyfriend adventures

And so it begins! N and I are currently at the Hong Kong airport waiting to board our flight to Shanghai. Even though we are staying with two friends there so it's not exactly a couple holiday, this is the first time we are traveling to a non-native country together. We also have Bangkok, Koh Samui, Siem Reap on Cambodia lined up. Gonna be booking more trips for China and maybe Vietnam or Indonesia or Japan.

Friday, April 11, 2014

The seedy gay side of business

I've decided not to join for any more dinners with my dad's client. I'll refer to him as DC.

Joining my dad for client dinners has always been a rather odd affair. On one hand, I get a free meal in a swanky establishment and get to try some really expensive wine. On the other, the food is usually kinda shit for the price, my tastebuds are clearly not sophisticated enough to taste the difference between a 40$ napa valley and a 2,700$ 1959 Chateau Haut-Brion, and the company is usually just uncomfortably pathetic.

I've joined for probably 8 dinners with this DC so far. He is an arrogant balding closeted poof, head of M&A of an investment bank and throws his weight around like Naomi Campbell at community service. Incredibly diva-like and sassy to all the waiting staff, my dad, and me, it's just weird that we all tolerate him because he brings in a lot of business for my dad.

Anyway, at my previous dinner with him, I told him that I have a boyfriend. He was extremely curious after, but I didn't talk much (I told him that I am more a listener than a talker, which is bullshit because I love talking about myself). Why I told him about N was because he kept probing me about what or "who" is occupying my time now as I am idling around, to which I replied that I was going traveling to Koh Samui etc. etc., and he's like with who? Family? Can't be...and I said I was going for a guy's proposal to his boyfriend, and so I told him I was going with my boyfriend.

So my brain is a little disorganized right now, but let me backtrack and lay out who's at the dinner tables for these events.

DC is there, sitting rotund in his suit, pink shirt, hideous Hermes shockingly red tie. DC is married to a woman, and they have no kids (he is almost 50). It is alleged that his wife is lesbian.

Across from him sits W, a 28 year-old Mainland Chinese salesman dedicated to DC's account. W speaks horrible English, is openly gay, and is rather dim-witted. He tells everybody that he is married to a woman (who knows that he's gay but is smitten with him and harbors the hope that she might convert him), and has a boyfriend along with 5 other lovers or fuckbuddies who shower him with expensive presents (they are usually late 40s/early 50s Chinese businessmen). He's essentially a money boy, and was hired for the sole reason that he is DC's taste in men. Also, I suspect W has slept with DC, because DC alluded that W is the company's "most accommodating staff" while rubbing his shoulders and staring into his eyes. I almost threw up when I heard that.

Then L will usually trudge in late, her legs swollen from 8 months' of pregnancy. She is the family friend who spoke to me about HIV among gay men and how N and I may be headed for a promiscuous relationship because "almost all gay couples end up like that." She told me she has not "put a label on herself." Her husband is never present at these events, because he is too prissy for small talk. She means very well whenever she tries to help me with advice, but they usually are alarmingly pessimistic and I get pretty depressed after.

Then it's me and my dad, the two most normal people, smiling and drinking our wines quietly.

I am usually personally invited by DC himself, so even though I'm not an employer of my dad's company, I'm there somehow for the entertainment of DC. I've told my dad before that I'm uncomfortable around the leering eyes of DC, but my dad reassured me he knows to never go overboard with his children, because "the world knows I fiercely love and will protect my children."

This time however, he is even more lurid than before. We drank three bottles of wine along with a bottle of champagne, and DC was pretty drunk. Out of nowhere, he asked me, "so are you top or bottom?" My dad exploded. He told DC off "what kind of a question is that, his father is right here you little shit." There was a lot of tension in the air. W is a complete dumbnut, and tries to calm things down by talking about some work-related thing which annoys my dad even more. "W, you really are stupid some times. If you don't shut up right now, I will ask you to leave the restaurant immediately." L lumbers back from the bathroom, notices the tension in the air and asks a few questions around, and she ultimately asks me, "Well, did whatever DC ask you, did it offend you?"

I replied, "Well it's nothing much more than what creepy people on Grindr ask as a first question on a headless profile." Everybody became even quieter, and L laughed and said "Let's talk about Birkin bags instead." and proceeds to pull out her phone to show me pictures of Birkins since I said I don't know what they are and yes sorry, I'm gay but I don't watch Sex and the City because fuck that shit I prefer Breaking Bad.

My dad is visibly angry throughout, and he texts L to tell W to fuck off. Clearly my dad is angry at DC, but is lashing it out at W because he can't obviously be overtly rude to the client too much, but DC will feel my dad's anger through W. I sit there drinking my 4 glasses of wine.

Throughout the dinner after, DC kept toasting his wine glass to me. On separate occasions he also calls me "dear," holds my hand, and jabs my stomach. He asks me where do I go out, and he starts listing out gay bars in HK which I've never even heard of, and I tell him I don't like the gay scene that much, to which he scoffs (clearly offended) "what do you mean the gay scene?" "well, the promiscuous people that go to these places looking for sex" "Well, some people just go there to hang out, not to be seen or whatever."

Mmm, I emphatically nod.

It's just kind of sad really. He's a sexually deprived old vulture who thinks he's the king (queen is more fitting) of the world just because of his job title. I'm so glad I'm not like one of these folks.

Monday, April 7, 2014


So I don't quite remember if I've mentioned this before, but I've actually had a series of blogs before, and I've pretty much consistently blogged since the age of 13. It started out with extremely pathetic teenage angst, and then this teenage whiner transmogrified into a know-it-all misanthrope (still, with teen angst), and then my most recent one before this, was in college.

College. I re-read my old entries on that tumblr (I used tumblr back then). Back then, I was Holden Caufield and Stephen Chbosky's Charlie rolled in one. My entries were incredibly depressing. I wrote of esoteric and disjointed stories because my mind went off on sporadic paths. I was subdued, nihilistic, and deeply exhausted with my life. I grappled with being happy - the idea of going through college as a heavily closeted guy took its toll and I projected my unhappiness on to everything whenever I wrote. But face to face I was always a lark. I don't know how I did it back then - it must be why I got so exhausted from the lying by omission, and grew terribly defeatist.

I even write very differently now. In all honesty, I prefer my old style of writing. It was more cryptic, more terse, and more gripping with its sadness. In some ways I find it difficult to stop believing that self-inflicted sadness, like how all successful artists do, is beautiful.

I was definitely a lot more self-destructive back then. The earlier half of my posts on this blog mirrored parts of my old self. But I am rather alarmed at how my writing has wavered so much, and for some reason I feel that I have become a lot more simplistic -

but it also makes sense. I always wrote because I felt disconnected from my peers - I felt different and I struggled with feeling different, and I took to writing everything out. And I waxed lyrical and romanticized my melancholic affliction. Now that I am happy, and that I still love writing, I tend to just recount things that has happened to me; back then I felt little point in mentioning things that were happening to me, so I made myself think that nothing was happening, even though plenty was happening.

Basically, I wonder if I'm happy. It's hard to shake myself off old habits. I tend to love being complicated. Being happy is very simplistic. I always tend to associate happiness with lesser ignorant minds. But isn't contentment what we all want?

I really do want to be contented. In some ways, I feel very contented.

And because I have now entirely forsaken brevity, plus I am left alone with my thoughts quite a bit nowadays so I like to write them down, I shall:

Today I ordered myself a tuna mayo panini (I love tuna, mayo, paninis all separately and together too), and I sat on the high stool and watched as the Filipino staff washed the lettuce, prepared the George Foreman grilling thing, chattering among themselves in their local language (probably Tagalog). I was listening to my playlist of throwbacks, which included a lot of Sugar Ray and Third Eye Blind. I smiled because the music was good, and I liked observing people. I've always enjoyed being an observer - it stemmed from my antisocial days where I preferred not to participate, but look from afar as if I was in a safari viewing animals. I liked watching the Filipino staff - I wondered what they felt about life. Are they happy they moved to Hong Kong? Do they enjoy their work? Surely it must be rather fun to be in what seems to be a nice and warm Pinoy community for work in a foreign land. I wondered if they thought that their customers were all foreign pigs (including the HK locals). I really wanted to ask them if they were happy with their lives, and if they saw their children back home enough.

Then I looked around the rest of the supermarket, because I was halfway through my sandwich. Most were foreign guys in suits - mostly very badly tailored, hence I guessed that none of them are Italian, grabbing a bite at the panini station because well, the lines at the Japanese ramen stall was a lot longer (we are in Asia after all). I too wondered if they were happy with their lives - but I didn't care about them, because they were smug and it was all over their faces. I saw a youngish mom with an infant strapped in front of her while she pointed at desert cakes, and I thought about having babies. Then I finished my sandwich, and went to find N.

We sat at Starbuck's and got a green tea frappuccino. Yes, welcome to Asia once again. N loves that drink. He told me how he's really bored with work because there's nothing to do now, and if it continues for the rest of the week, he'll tell his bosses (who are my dad's underlings) that he's going to quit in May. The thing is, N is really very nice and has great work ethic. He goes to work 15 minutes before his shift all the time, and doesn't take breaks longer than 15 minutes. When he has nothing to do, he will message me, and he will update me on news that he has read from around the world. He will leave only after his shift ends, even if it means that for days where he's doing the overnight shift till 3.30am, he would miss the 3.28am bus back home, and he would wait for the next bus at 3.50am.

I understand this is definitely partly due to the fact that he doesn't want people to think that he's some kind of bratty foreign prince who got a job in Asia because of his boyfriend and then shits on everyone's faces. But mostly, it's because he's a really nice guy. Plus, the office people have unanimously agreed that he is the most good looking staff they have ever hired. Brownie points for me for bagging this one, obviously.

Then I went and got my haircut after. I had to pass by my old office on the way. I walked with purpose, but very briskly, and ignored the faces of everyone by focusing on the tall buildings in front of me, focusing on my 'purpose' of going to get my haircut, so I wouldn't see any of the 3 ex-colleagues on the way. I'm silly.

Then I went to the gym after. And I spoke to a good blogger friend of mine (his blog is defunct), who left his deeply religious and conservative Panamanian family to the UK as a transfer student and is now dating a nice kid (from Grindr) for the past three weeks. I felt so happy for him. R has also found a nice Cypriot date for the past few weeks from Tinder too. I'm also very happy for him. While yes, celebration is premature, these are the baby steps for people accepting themselves, and for that, I'm very happy for them.

I have not been working out regularly. In fact, I think I'm lifting lighter weights than I did a year ago. Becoming fit is tough. I don't understand this word 'discipline' at all.

I took this picture right before an old man from the sauna traipsed past with his ridiculous bush engulfing his tiny dick. It also reminded me that I have to trim my pubes, because godfuckingdammit, I projected his unkemptness on to myself.

Anyway, I lost track of the point of why I started this entry. Guess I'll stop here. 

Sunday, April 6, 2014


I've finally applied to the four schools in London that I would like to attend (Oxbridge is too far away), and now, I literally have nothing planned all the way until school starts in September.

I just feel guilty for all the fun that I'm having, when I haven't earned it at all. I had a terrific week. These were what made my week:

  1. My sister visited me for the weekend. She's this M&A lawyer chick now slowly feeling the mental and physical exhaustion of being a corporate slave, but loving the prestige and intellect around her. We have become supes chill with each other, no arguments, checked out guys together, talked about her love life, etc. Basically, it was great to reconnect with her again; she's grown to become a beautiful mature young lady, and I like to listen to her just talk and talk and update me on her life.
  2. Because my sister was visiting, my dad brought us two + N to really good places for food. I'm quite a boring person when it comes to good food - once I find a solid list of good restaurants, I keep going back to the same few and ordering the same thing. We had really, really, good food.
  3. I got accepted into two schools so far in London. Which is good news.
  4. I got N's China visa sorted out for him after queueing up at the embassy - was much less frantic than I imagined it to be.
  5. N and I met up with two of my friends (he gets along smashingly with my friends; I can't say the same for the other way round cos I find most of his friends kinda weird) for drinks at a live music chill bar, and it was great fun. We PDA-ed a little by kissing each other on the cheek too hehe - we've never really done that in Hong Kong. The singer came over and passed me the mic and I sang One Direction hellyesdreamcometrue(notreally) and I realized that the next few weekends are gonna be smashing because A is having a birthday party next weekend and for the next three weekends after T's parents are away so no curfew for that sad bitch = partylikearockstar
  6. N and I also met up with this dude from Tinder who talked to me. I agreed to meet solely because he has a nice body, and well, he's nice. He was really boring, couldn't speak English very well, had really small eyes and bad teeth (according to N), and spent most of the time just creepily looking at N and I. Funny thing is, he really enjoyed hanging with us (he texted me that after), and said that he feels inspired to go out and meet more guys now to hopefully have a successful love story like ours. Which admittedly, was very sweet of him.
  7. N and I also met up with this Thai dude who's working at a law firm in HK now at a smashingly good Thai restaurant. Dude used to be based in London, and N has slept with him before. Strangely, it wasn't awkward at all. 
  8. For Easter weekend, N, T, and I are heading over to Y's place in Shanghai for what should be a really fun weekend. (Y and T are my two best girl friends). N and I are flying with a budget Chinese airline that I've never heard of before (it was the cheapest). Wish us luck.
  9. N and I went shopping and bought new Kiehl's face wash (skincare products are real exciting to me for some reason), and N bought a pair of loafers from Massimo Dutti which I really like too, but he doesn't really let me wear his shoes (we have the same shoe size) because my feet are broader and he doesn't want them to get damaged, asshole. I also bought an Alexander McQueen polo, which is basically fresh to death.
  10. N and I also spent copious amounts of time cuddling and being all coupley and shit in bed because he finally had the weekend off from work. 

However, these are the things that unsettle me, as faggy as that sounds:

  1. It's weird that my family has to come visit me, when I'm not even working in Hong Kong anymore. If I'm going to be in London for the next three years, shouldn't I go back to the motherland and spend more time with my folks? 
  2. Which leads to the quandary that N is still in Hong Kong now, and he's been doing shifts at my dad's firm, and he doesn't want to quit yet because he wants to earn more money for our summer trips - which shows that the only reason why I'm in HK is because of N.
  3. Which makes me feel weirder because N's working while I'm not, and he's actually paid really shit (cos he technically doesn't have a degree), and some times his shifts are really messed up and it's like 5pm-3am on weekends
  4. Which happened last weekend, so he didn't monitor my Dom intake (my wealthy friends were in town buying 50+ bottles of champagne at a club so I mooched off), and when he picked me up I was flat out wasted, and he said I became a super faggy sassy Beyonce-esque diva, and ever since he's been telling everybody this story and saying that that's the real me, and while it's funny it has gotten to me a lil, and I wonder if all this time I've just been "acting straight".... 
  5. I've kinda gone off-topic but basically, I have nothing to do now and I feel like I should spend the remainder of my time productively but I don't want to work waiting on tables, and neither Google nor Visa replied me when I applied for their internship program (for me it's go big or go home), and I don't want to learn a new language (the only reason why people learn other languages is cos they wanna shag somebody foreign - at least that's how I feel, and because I don't + N's mother tongue Farsi is way too complicated, I have no interest), so I've no clue. 
  6. Also, lately sex has become really painful for me - for some reason my bumhole feels like it's being ripped apart every time N goes in too quickly, and we have to do it really really slowly and not go all the way in, or some times I just cop out and tell him I can't have sex. It's bugging me a lil too - there was a period of time when I was ace at this whole bottoming thing and could quite literally find myself smiling as I bounced up and down thinking whether pornstars feel like rabbits and then by association, I thought of raving rabbids, which made me think of Alice in Wonderland for some reason, and then coming back to earth after that. Now, not so much. I wince in pain a lot.
Because of all the above, I find myself feeling that my heart rate's constantly crazy fast. I don't get it. But then again, there is nothing really to 'get'. I basically need to have a job...I badly do need to start working and earning my own money so I can fuck it and YOLO on my own terms. 


Friday, April 4, 2014

Moving in

N called in sick today because he has been working really bad shifts even though he has been jetlagged since coming back from London, and slept in. It's really weird this whole switcharoo thing - it's always been the case that only one of us has been working at the same time. We watched Glee together and there's this episode (not sure if it's the newest one since I don't watch it) and there's this gay couple that were facing problems because they rushed and moved in together without taking things slow and one felt really suffocated by the other. Disregarding the fact that I think Kurt Hummel's character is ridiculously annoying, it was interesting food for thought because for a while I did feel suffocated by N too. He still is pretty needy, but in an adorable way. And boy am I glad that things worked out for us even though we rushed our relationship pretty fast. 

He also got a bit drunk from the sake we were drinking for dinner and played this song and started singing along real off-tune to it. Hahaha. <3