Sunday, April 6, 2014

Unsettled


I've finally applied to the four schools in London that I would like to attend (Oxbridge is too far away), and now, I literally have nothing planned all the way until school starts in September.

I just feel guilty for all the fun that I'm having, when I haven't earned it at all. I had a terrific week. These were what made my week:

  1. My sister visited me for the weekend. She's this M&A lawyer chick now slowly feeling the mental and physical exhaustion of being a corporate slave, but loving the prestige and intellect around her. We have become supes chill with each other, no arguments, checked out guys together, talked about her love life, etc. Basically, it was great to reconnect with her again; she's grown to become a beautiful mature young lady, and I like to listen to her just talk and talk and update me on her life.
  2. Because my sister was visiting, my dad brought us two + N to really good places for food. I'm quite a boring person when it comes to good food - once I find a solid list of good restaurants, I keep going back to the same few and ordering the same thing. We had really, really, good food.
  3. I got accepted into two schools so far in London. Which is good news.
  4. I got N's China visa sorted out for him after queueing up at the embassy - was much less frantic than I imagined it to be.
  5. N and I met up with two of my friends (he gets along smashingly with my friends; I can't say the same for the other way round cos I find most of his friends kinda weird) for drinks at a live music chill bar, and it was great fun. We PDA-ed a little by kissing each other on the cheek too hehe - we've never really done that in Hong Kong. The singer came over and passed me the mic and I sang One Direction hellyesdreamcometrue(notreally) and I realized that the next few weekends are gonna be smashing because A is having a birthday party next weekend and for the next three weekends after T's parents are away so no curfew for that sad bitch = partylikearockstar
  6. N and I also met up with this dude from Tinder who talked to me. I agreed to meet solely because he has a nice body, and well, he's nice. He was really boring, couldn't speak English very well, had really small eyes and bad teeth (according to N), and spent most of the time just creepily looking at N and I. Funny thing is, he really enjoyed hanging with us (he texted me that after), and said that he feels inspired to go out and meet more guys now to hopefully have a successful love story like ours. Which admittedly, was very sweet of him.
  7. N and I also met up with this Thai dude who's working at a law firm in HK now at a smashingly good Thai restaurant. Dude used to be based in London, and N has slept with him before. Strangely, it wasn't awkward at all. 
  8. For Easter weekend, N, T, and I are heading over to Y's place in Shanghai for what should be a really fun weekend. (Y and T are my two best girl friends). N and I are flying with a budget Chinese airline that I've never heard of before (it was the cheapest). Wish us luck.
  9. N and I went shopping and bought new Kiehl's face wash (skincare products are real exciting to me for some reason), and N bought a pair of loafers from Massimo Dutti which I really like too, but he doesn't really let me wear his shoes (we have the same shoe size) because my feet are broader and he doesn't want them to get damaged, asshole. I also bought an Alexander McQueen polo, which is basically fresh to death.
  10. N and I also spent copious amounts of time cuddling and being all coupley and shit in bed because he finally had the weekend off from work. 

However, these are the things that unsettle me, as faggy as that sounds:

  1. It's weird that my family has to come visit me, when I'm not even working in Hong Kong anymore. If I'm going to be in London for the next three years, shouldn't I go back to the motherland and spend more time with my folks? 
  2. Which leads to the quandary that N is still in Hong Kong now, and he's been doing shifts at my dad's firm, and he doesn't want to quit yet because he wants to earn more money for our summer trips - which shows that the only reason why I'm in HK is because of N.
  3. Which makes me feel weirder because N's working while I'm not, and he's actually paid really shit (cos he technically doesn't have a degree), and some times his shifts are really messed up and it's like 5pm-3am on weekends
  4. Which happened last weekend, so he didn't monitor my Dom intake (my wealthy friends were in town buying 50+ bottles of champagne at a club so I mooched off), and when he picked me up I was flat out wasted, and he said I became a super faggy sassy Beyonce-esque diva, and ever since he's been telling everybody this story and saying that that's the real me, and while it's funny it has gotten to me a lil, and I wonder if all this time I've just been "acting straight".... 
  5. I've kinda gone off-topic but basically, I have nothing to do now and I feel like I should spend the remainder of my time productively but I don't want to work waiting on tables, and neither Google nor Visa replied me when I applied for their internship program (for me it's go big or go home), and I don't want to learn a new language (the only reason why people learn other languages is cos they wanna shag somebody foreign - at least that's how I feel, and because I don't + N's mother tongue Farsi is way too complicated, I have no interest), so I've no clue. 
  6. Also, lately sex has become really painful for me - for some reason my bumhole feels like it's being ripped apart every time N goes in too quickly, and we have to do it really really slowly and not go all the way in, or some times I just cop out and tell him I can't have sex. It's bugging me a lil too - there was a period of time when I was ace at this whole bottoming thing and could quite literally find myself smiling as I bounced up and down thinking whether pornstars feel like rabbits and then by association, I thought of raving rabbids, which made me think of Alice in Wonderland for some reason, and then coming back to earth after that. Now, not so much. I wince in pain a lot.
Because of all the above, I find myself feeling that my heart rate's constantly crazy fast. I don't get it. But then again, there is nothing really to 'get'. I basically need to have a job...I badly do need to start working and earning my own money so I can fuck it and YOLO on my own terms. 


hashtagyolo

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