Friday, April 25, 2014

What should I do??

Man. I keep forgetting that my family is actually royally fucked up. I don't really know what to do.

My mom has always felt so insecure because she feels her marriage is completely a lie, and she feels constantly belittled by my dad because he dismisses all of her ideas or suggestions. She is extremely suspicious of people, and always chooses to focus on the faults of people. Because of that, we have fired many previous helpers and drivers because she could not see eye to eye with them. The current one has been apparently using our petty cash for his own stuff. My mom wants a whole covert investigation but my dad just brushed it off and said you just have to trust the guy. My mom took this to be him once again humiliating her to be nothing, and that her opinions are worthless.

She is extremely paranoid. She constantly feels that my dad is some evil character that wants to make her life miserable by stealing everything that means something to her. She feels that we all have been brainwashed by my dad, and that my dad puts on an act in front of everyone as if they're both in a really happy model family kind of thing, but behind the scenes it's an emotionally abusive relationship. She thought I would be on her side, but I could not at all see things from her view because she is getting so irrational now.

I told her that everything she has been telling me is just making me extremely frustrated because she is surrounded by so much negativity and I hate that because it makes me pissed too. I told her to just be zen and just kind of let things go. She said she can't. She needs to work through her career and not quit because she feels the whole family thinks she was doomed for failure since day one, even though she is realizing her job might be way too hard for her at this age with no experience. She can't let go the thing with the driver because she feels it represents once again everyone colluding against her. She feels my sister and my dad want her to be miserable for life.

I told my dad that I just don't think they both are working out at all, and I'm tired of this bullshit. He suggested a divorce to my mom, and my mom is now really pissed with me and said her world is crashing because I was a blabbermouth. She said why can't I understand she needs to do things at her own pace and by her own way, that she needs to make sure she is financially independent first and then do the divorce on her own terms, because now she feels like my dad is dictating the terms and he wins. I said I'm so tired of how every time I come back home and I have to see all this shit and honestly, why can't life be so much simpler?? Forgive and forget! Why does she still feel like she needs to constantly still pretend we are a happy family when my sibs and I already know about my dad's issue?

She said she will be strong and be a survivor and lie about how she's happy so I will be happy too. I got so fucking mad.

I don't know what to do. I told her to come see a therapist with me in London for a few months and she says she doesn't have a problem at all and doesn't want to see one no matter what. I said it's not about having a problem, it's just to see if your approach can be improved upon etc from a third party objective view. She refuses. She also refuses to let go of her struggling job now because she doesn't want to seem like a cop-out again, because she previously had a few failed business ventures and have felt completely torn by my dad for being a bit "I told you so" to her.

I love her and I want her to know I'm always by her side but she is a toxic person to be around with. And I really do not know why she is like that. She can't just seem to just let things go. She in fact told my dad she will make sure his secretary will not have her conscience cleared because she is covering up for our driver's siphoning, and this driver debacle singlehandedly caused the divorce of my parents.

Like seriously what the fuck are you raving about mom??? You both don't work together and I don't get it at all...why do you do this to yourself? Why do you do this to me too? All I want is for us all to be happy. Life really should be so much simpler and happier...

1 comment:

  1. It's a lot to take on your shoulders trying to fix things with your parents. One thing about women, and this might be overly generalized, is that they do have trouble letting things go. It's kind of their nature to hold on to grudges and slights while men let those things slide off their backs more easily.

    As much as you want to help her because you love her, you really can't unless she is willing to change. Maybe some professional help, like a counselor or therapist can assist.