Saturday, July 26, 2014

Mardy Bum


I'm the mardy (sulky) bum of this song now I guess. It seems I fight with N on a daily basis. Sigh.

Well, now then Mardy Bum
I've seen your frown
And it's like looking down the barrel of a gun
And it goes off
And out come all these words
Oh there's a very pleasant side to you
A side I much prefer

It's one that laughs and jokes around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got that face on

Well, now then Mardy Bum
Oh I'm in trouble again, aren't I?
I thought as much
'Cause you turned over there
Pulling that silent disappointment face
The one that I can't bear

Well, can't we just laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got that face on

Yeah I'm sorry I was late
But I missed the train
And then the traffic was a state
And I can't be arsed to carry on in this debate
That reoccurs, oh when you say I don't care
But of course I do, yeah I clearly do!

So laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got that face on

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Sexual fantasizing and porn

So I'm not sure how much to feel guilty about this. N and I have a comical mutual thing that when the other dude is not around, the one who's at home usually jerks off to porn. But I've found times even when N is at home, or sleeping on the same bed with me, that I overwhelmingly wanted to watch porn and do so.

I love him wholeheartedly and even more so for tolerating my silly little tantrums, but part of me still heavily fantasizes about touching a super muscular jock and sucking that guy off. Which is weird because I don't even really like sucking off anymore; I don't think I've done it for months now - mostly because it quickly becomes really tiring for my jaw since his schlong is really pretty thick (a good problem to have, I know). And also don't get me wrong, even after almost a full year of living together, our sex life is still pretty darn good.

But part of me really still wishes that I could run my hands all over a really muscular and hard chest, follow the contours of the pecs to the nipples, over to the side and caress bulging biceps, then to a six pack, and back to the chest again because I love a nice rock hard chest. N is fit but he's really so skinny, so there really isn't that much to grab too. In fact, he likes grabbing me everywhere a lot because I've a lot more body fat than him (14% compared to like...3%).

Don't get me wrong though, I cannot ever imagine physically cheating on him. And also, I'm not being unreasonable with him by telling him to get a drop-dead physique when I'm nowhere near that (in fact I've gotten a lot pudgier now).

So basically, I don't think I can ever stop watching porn. It's just a really good way for me to kind of well, escape I guess. Not that I am escaping from anything bad in reality at all, it's just an escape to an incredible out-of-this-world kind of heaven for me, while being fully aware that it's artificial, in some sense.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Snap back to reality

Wow. So I've travelled quite a lot haha. I recently spent about two weeks in China, and I'm back home now because my grandmother got gravely ill and so I flew back straightaway to see her. More on that later.

China. What can I say about China? I've not been to China for many many years (I do not count Shanghai really part of China to be honest, and certainly not Hong Kong), so all these years I've defended it a lot by saying that it's developed a lot and it's not as "commie" as people think. After this trip though, I feel that China still has a long way to go. The people are still extremely uncultured, rude, and loud. And there are just way way too many people in China. Like, you seriously will not understand the meaning of crowds until you go to China. I recognize how coming from such a country, you develop a complex of not giving a flying fuck about anyone else. I had to wrestle with old people and young kids who were unruly boarding up buses or queueing in the lines etc. It was pretty cray cray basically. The places I went to in China were amazingly beautiful, however the sheer number of people there made me feel like I was in a very good restaurant with horrific service.



These are stock pictures from the Internet of a few places I went to coz I'm too lazy to upload my pictures but yeah.

Anyway, so I'm home now and I visited my grandma and...I actually brought N with me and introduced him as my boyfriend. She was so nice about it (my dad told her a day before I brought him along so she knew already) and told me that he's very handsome and we will have very attractive babies. When I left the room she told my mom that she must be open-minded about this and accept me for who I am, as she said I am a very good boy. I cried a lot actually, when we were reminiscing about the times she cooked a lot of my favorite dishes when I was younger and when she was fitter.

Now I am worrying about getting a job in London...I met up with an alum and he said how from September to December he applied for 60 jobs, got 20 interviews, and only 2 offers... I'm like holy fucking poop bro. I still don't know what kind of stuff I should apply...Gah.

Life is so competitive lmao goddammit.

Monday, July 14, 2014

well gee

i was pretty pissed off in my last post. i have anger management issues...i find it hard to not get angry easily

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

annoyed

seriously man. i'm fucking annoyed that for our holidays so far, i've had to plan almost everything while that lil fucker just watches his fucking world cup, or tennis or listen to annoying music by shakira or pitbull or whatever. and then he teases me and goes like 'ugh u and ur research and ur million chrome tabs'

fuck. how the fuck can you just think that a self-guided holiday in CHINA is stress-free, oh i'll just turn up at the hotel and everything will be settled? fucking shithole thinks booking hotels with their english name is good enough, just need to tell the cab driver OH YES DRIVE ME HERE in ur fucking british accent

youre a completely shit unseasoned traveller and be goddamn grateful i speak mandarin so your fucking foreign ass won't be whooped in china

i'm really sick of him just making me sound so unchill and intense about shit but I FUCKING NEED TO HAVE A LOOSE ITINERARY TO AT LEAST KNOW IM NOT WASTING MY HOLIDAY DAYS but he's like then how is that a holiday if youre so stressed about it???

I WOULDNT BE SO STRESSED IF U COULD FUCKING BE A BETTER PLANNER but u suck at planning so I HAVE TO PLAN EVERYTHING AND IM LIKE FUCK MAN

we r going to iran and i CAN"T BE FUCKING bothered at all about whatever we are doing there, chances are i'm jus gonna pull a long face and say ' ur fucking country sucks donkey balls i dont give a fuck bring me back to civilization'