Thursday, July 24, 2014

Sexual fantasizing and porn

So I'm not sure how much to feel guilty about this. N and I have a comical mutual thing that when the other dude is not around, the one who's at home usually jerks off to porn. But I've found times even when N is at home, or sleeping on the same bed with me, that I overwhelmingly wanted to watch porn and do so.

I love him wholeheartedly and even more so for tolerating my silly little tantrums, but part of me still heavily fantasizes about touching a super muscular jock and sucking that guy off. Which is weird because I don't even really like sucking off anymore; I don't think I've done it for months now - mostly because it quickly becomes really tiring for my jaw since his schlong is really pretty thick (a good problem to have, I know). And also don't get me wrong, even after almost a full year of living together, our sex life is still pretty darn good.

But part of me really still wishes that I could run my hands all over a really muscular and hard chest, follow the contours of the pecs to the nipples, over to the side and caress bulging biceps, then to a six pack, and back to the chest again because I love a nice rock hard chest. N is fit but he's really so skinny, so there really isn't that much to grab too. In fact, he likes grabbing me everywhere a lot because I've a lot more body fat than him (14% compared to like...3%).

Don't get me wrong though, I cannot ever imagine physically cheating on him. And also, I'm not being unreasonable with him by telling him to get a drop-dead physique when I'm nowhere near that (in fact I've gotten a lot pudgier now).

So basically, I don't think I can ever stop watching porn. It's just a really good way for me to kind of well, escape I guess. Not that I am escaping from anything bad in reality at all, it's just an escape to an incredible out-of-this-world kind of heaven for me, while being fully aware that it's artificial, in some sense.

1 comment:

  1. Given the choices, porn is a better coping mechanism for being horny than some real guy. And what's the harm if you both know about it and agree it's OK? Look but don't touch. In this case you are only are touching yourself. :-)

    ReplyDelete