- Quick distractions when stuck in a negative spiral: Hmm. I've always used jacking off as a quick distraction, although it feels kind of empty. Maybe I should try joining N with his bootcamp thing. I didn't want to in the past because I'm terrified of a) not having the discipline to keep up b) getting pissed off with N because he is very fit and competitive, c) not having time to do other shit like...well, fretting about life. So maybe this should change.
Next time I get pissed off with N too, I shall remember: It doesn't help if I keep accusing him of things! Quickly leave the scenario, take a shower, distract myself with singing, and come back more positive!
I'll also try my best to stop listening to sad songs, and listen to pure annoyingly catchy pop music by Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift etc. I oddly take comfort in the fact that they're so confident in how annoying they are that I actually really do respect them for just being who they are: i.e. kinda vacuous yet entrepreneurial Pretty Young Things.
- Exaggerate scenarios to comic hilarity: Ok this is a great pointer and I'll do it next time. It's probably always best to write things down so that I can see it all very clearly. I'll start with my scenario now: after making it to final rounds for 2 consulting firms, I have been kicked to the curb and currently I am back to square one: jobless as usual. As I am now 26, and have yet to hold a real job, I will continue forever being jobless and living off my parents, getting more and more depressed by how pathetic I've become that I will continue my binge-eating KFC Bucket for One and McD's 20 piece McNuggets to the point that I become obese, and so stressed out that I drop all my hair and become bald, everyone will mock me, my boyfriend will leave me because I'm not only jobless but also a bald fat debbie downer, my parents will kick me out of the house and I will have to live on the streets and fend for myself as a whore but I'll be fat and bald so I'll have zero clients and...
wait. So far everything sounds pretty plausible though...err...
or on the plus-side of extremity I become the next Zuckerberg. Except, well, not so Jewish and a lot more yellow.
- Reframe the problem so that it's not my fault: Statistics man. London market is ultra-competitive so it's not personal. Only 10 out of 1000 applicants received offers for the firms I applied for and I wasn't one of the 10, no biggie. I gave it my very bestest and the people I were up against were incredibly qualified. Infinitely boring, but incredibly qualified.
- Fake it till I make it: Well actually, I do this quite a lot. Although what I've realised is, I'm too honest to really fake it that well, and I tend to falter with my "bolstered" image after a while. I think I'm just gonna ignore this point.
- Thrive off N's optimism: The good news for me is, N is overwhelmingly optimistic. In fact, many times I see it as naiveté. Although he is very optimistic, N is not very expressive, so many times I don't feel his optimism rub off on me. I have to somehow work on this. Maybe I can talk to him about this.
- Purge the evil in my life: This is going to be so, so, difficult, but I guess I'll try. I'm going to try swearing off hard alcohol for a trial period of 6 months. From now on, only wine for me, where it is much easier for me to know when I should stop drinking cos it kicks in much slower in my system than with hard alcohol which makes me black out way too easily. I will also start saying out loud things like, "I acknowledge the presence of ____ in my class, who is a nice person other than the fact that she is unhealthily competitive and it brings me down, so I will minimise contact with her."
I'm also going to do this Three Good Things Today for a week thing, and then start it again when school starts again. Gonna see if this helps.
- I finally decided to set an alarm for myself to snap out of my wimpy jetlagged state and took coffee to stay awake throughout the day, and although it's 3.33am now that I'm writing this but oh well!
- I watched They Came Together which was a riot and a half for me (I love Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler) and although N didn't enjoy it, I still laughed my ass off.
- Had INCREDIBLE shrimp in salted egg yolk (Chinese dish) for dinner that was just mindblowingly good mmmm..
I believe with all these, I wouldn't have to find happiness, happiness will find me!
...Okay fuck the last line it's way too cliche for my cynical shell.