Sunday, February 8, 2015

Brokeback Mountain

So I chanced upon it today on TV and watched it in its entirety. I remember watching it back in 2006 on DVD at my place with a bunch of friends (who were well, all in the closet like me too, funny really), but I distinctly remember falling asleep and feeling utterly bored by it. Back then also, I had an emotional cordon around myself, and perhaps I subconsciously forced myself to feel disinterested in the movie because it may awake emotions that I didn't want to face back then.

This time, I was riveted, and felt genuine sorrow for Ennis and Jack. It truly is an epic tragic love story, and the acting is superb. The ending scene with the two shirts reversed along with the postcard of the mountains pained me. I also cannot deny getting a hard-on the first time they had sex. Oh my, if I had Jake Gyllenhaal in that position...

Anyway, after the movie I went over and hugged N really tightly. I'm more like Jack, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and in some ways, N is like Ennis.

I'm really lucky to be able to openly love another man. Granted it isn't perfect - N's dad has been staying with us for the last two months, and a few days ago, possibly because he reached the height of his suspicion over our relationship (although I still find it truly odd that it wasn't glaringly obvious that N and I are more than just friends), he knocked on my door and opened it to find both N and I on the same bed. I yelped, threw the comforter over us, and he left the room. He then texted N that sometimes it's better to stay silent rather than talk, "just know that your father knows many things but he chooses to stay quiet."

The whole thing was really unfortunate because N and I have been sleeping in separate rooms but N came over to cuddle me for merely 2 minutes and bam - cat's out of the bag. Although his dad has become very cold to me now and hardly speaks to N in the house anymore, at least we are still civil, and at least he didn't react violently...he is also leaving on Thursday, so 4 more days to go...

Anyway, I can't imagine how painful it must have been for so many men who couldn't express their love for another man in hyper-masculine environments...

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