Monday, March 23, 2015

Learning to be less judgmental

I still remember my first time at Panda Express with my family - I immediately shot it down, just like the younger kids in the video above, but my parents liked it (they said it was a bit too greasy but very flavorful). And I think it's really because they've just become a lot more chill about life in general lol, since they were older and wiser and stuff.

So that's one thing I'm learning now too: to be less judgmental about everything. N is essentially my first real boyfriend, given that my previous relationships were tormented and very short-lived. And although N has dated guys before me, this relationship has been the longest one he's been in as well (1.5 years of living together). We've both grown up a lot and it's quite incredible watching the transformation. Similarly, we've also both had to eat our words when we were more "naive."

Obviously one thing was the cheating. Both of us never expected we would ever cheat, and definitely didn't expect us to forgive a cheating partner. But we realized that we both cheated not because fundamentally we weren't satisfied or compatible with the other - but because we were both communicating with each other really unhealthily and chose the easy way out. Plus, it was easier to forgive in some sense because no actual penetration happened, we both take that to be a lot more intimate than dick-sucking. Now we both learned our lesson - and that lying is just awfully horrible for a relationship, because mistrust grows far quicker and deeper than the slow and painstaking process of creating trust. Any problems between a couple should be solved in a less defensive and more constructive manner, which is only possible if both sides give and take to reach a compromise for every issue, and not letting anything fester beyond repair.

The other thing was sleeping around. We both never thought that we would have a ménage à trois - but bam, it happened. Not that we really did plan did kind of just happen. But we still spoke very honestly with each other after it - are we going to be doing this often? Does this mean we are in an open relationship? Our answers to both are no, because we still are incredibly in love and happy with each other. We both agree though that if we somehow do have threesomes often, or start sleeping around with others, the fundamental basis of our relationship will have changed a lot, and we will have to assess then if 'we' are still viable.

Nevertheless, we have become a lot more sympathetic to others that we have judged more harshly before. N says he can kind of understand why his French friend (the one who got engaged in Koh Samui but still sleeps around) and his fiancé are in an open relationship, because for some people it really does work to separate love and sex altogether. I also have grown a bit more sympathetic to young Asian guys who date old white guys - maybe it's just really their thing, they feel more secure this way.

Part of growing up, and being less of a judgmental dickhead.


  1. Great post. It's encouraging to hear when gay couples work things out. It took a long time for my husband to forgive me when everything happened between us. It was so crazy and scary. In the end, our love brought us back together and we are working on it now and forever. Glad to hear that you are too!