Friday, March 20, 2015

Ways I deal with stress: binge-eating and binge-wanking



This video is fucking hilarious.

Anyway, I am finally done with my last final for the term! Hell yeah bitches! Easter break is onnnn...and I don't exactly have that many plans. Granted I should be way excited since I'm still going to Paris, Munich, Milan, Florence, and Venice, but I kinda wished that I filled it up even more! But this gives me plenty of time to just laze around in London I guess. Need to go back to the gym again since I realize that exam periods always put me into horrible horrible lifestyle habits.

  1. I completely skip gym days. I tell myself it's because it takes way too long (I take almost 2 hours because I also spend about 15 minutes in the sauna, and then 15-30 minutes showering, getting dressed, lingering around and checking out naked hot dudes in the locker room etc.) and I need more time to study, but I don't actually study anyway, so I really should just go to the gym instead next time. 
  2. I sleep such shitty hours. I sleep late and then force myself to wake up early thinking I can study, but I never do, until the day of an exam/deadline, then I set the alarm to be like, 5 am lmaooo to do some last-minute cramming. N did it this morning too - he woke up at 4.30am ahahaha. 
  3. FUck dude I stress eat so much. I swear if my fridge was edible, I'd have eaten it a long time ago too. I fucking ate three big bags of chips today. DAFFAQ. And I had curly fries...a Nutella sandwich, and peanut butter cup ice cream....but hey I also ate healthy food like salad and baked salmon but what's the shitty point lol. I just need to surround myself with a shit ton of comfort food whenever I'm stressed as hell.
  4. I also wank way way way too much. I think I jerked off like, 5 times yesterday and honestly when I was cuddling N last night my penis fucking hurt when it got hard. But it forms like a mental blockade - I get to the point where I'm like 'okay just wank once more, and then concentrate on your shit'. 
I really only work well under severe time constraints, but each time I regret it and tell myself to stop procrastinating so much but I never do. I find myself running after the bus/train/tube every day and I'm like, why can't you just leave two minutes earlier you dickhead. Man...

G, N and I are supposed to have dinner on Saturday but I kinda don't want to. G has been giving me a lot of shit because people have been leaking stuff that I've told them and he's all like 'hey it's not cool you didn't consult me before dragging my name into it all, I feel very hurt' yaddayadda. Man. And I thought some of these bitches were my friends, but I guess never to give people juicy gossip. I've learned my lesson now, but the problem is - I find it very difficult to keep secrets. I've always been that sort of guy really, which is why staying in the closet for so many years ate me up so much. And you know what? I don't want to make him think that I want a threesome or whatever. N and I are great and I love just having 'us' time. And frankly, the way G has been talking to me, although he has every right to be pissed at me, is a huge turn-off. I know G wants post-dinner shenanigans, but I'm going to make sure that N and I only have dinner and that we leave after. Dinner will also be hella awkward - wtf is my boyfriend and the guy who I cheated with gonna talk about? 

But anyway, boy, I can't wait to start the summer holidays, and then I'll start working. Definitely do prefer working to studying - I need the semi-autonomy in my life, guided by a more big-picture mindset of accomplishing things. Of course, I'm not talking to the self-actualization nirvana sense, just more along the lines of...I don't have to report at fucking 8.30am for a door bitch to take my attendance every single goddamn day. 

Alright peace out. You know, I wonder if there are any good blogs out there to read that touch on gay coming out experiences and the like. I used to have quite the veritable list, but now everyone's pretty much given up on blogging. 

2 comments:

  1. Not many coming out bloggers here any more. Lots on Youtube however.

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  2. You cant read my blog. I've touched a few on my coming out experience and I've been married for almost 6 years now. I also have a youtube channel that I talk on as well. Loving the blog so far even though I'm a new follower. Excited for more to read!

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