N told me at the very start of our relationship that he cannot condone cheating. His dad was a serial cheater, and physically abused his mom many times, and even passed on an STD to her that he got from a hooker. They split up and it's been messy ever since, and he doesn't want anything that has happened to his mom to happen to him.
Except that he has become his father.
While he was on the phone upstairs with his dad, I went on his facebook and realised that the reason why he was so cold to me, the actual reason behind all his phone calls at 1 am to "his mom" due to time difference in the Middle East, was because he was cheating on me with another Asian boy he met on Instagram. They have exchanged dick pics, said that they love each other, said they are meant for each other, etc.
It's scary to remove myself from this situation because I trusted him so much. I gave N my entire heart, and thought he would take care of it. He has taken me for granted so, so much. But the truth is I don't know what is my life without him. I have honestly let him in completely.
To think that it is the new year tomorrow.