, being single is overrated. but everything happens for a reason, and i am finding a lot of strength in myself that i never knew existed. i guess we all think we know better until shit really hits the fan. life is very optimistic in our untested environments. but once unexpected change comes, it is crippling, isn't it.
but the very good news is, human beings are awfully good at adapting to new environments. even the ones that we don't like.
is it strange, that even after so many months, when the waters in my heart ebb and flow in calm tides skirting round the jagged rocks that were my bad memories - that somehow my heart still patiently thinks of him? in many ways i am very happy with how things are going now - but almost every single activity i catch myself still thinking 'how nice would it be if i could hold n's hand and do this activity with him.'
be still, my heart. these things take time to unfold for themselves. i am neither dismissing, nor encouraging fantasies of n being back in my life - but i do have to admit to myself that he is still very much present in some aspects of my life.
we text. we meet up. we hug. we fight. we don't have sex. we yell. we make up. we smile.
we are neither friends nor are we lovers nor are we strangers. two bodies together but not together. how very odd indeed.
in other words, i write so much less nowadays. that is sad. i always loved writing.