Thursday, July 13, 2017

Anxiety all the time...

To the anon commenter in the previous post: thanks for pointing Queer Britain out for me. I watched the series and it was really illuminating. Yes, there is so much intra-LGBT discrimination.

So this post is going to largely be the same as my previous post in terms of still feeling like shit. I feel anxious all the time. I hate uncertainty in my life. Having things in limbo is so tough to deal with. Many times though - I have built it up in my head and things aren't as bad as they seem.

  1. I'm applying for my visa extension here in Britain, but my HR department is woefully incompetent and taking forever. While this really shouldn't form a point of stress for me, given the whole Brexit thing + the fact T.May legit hates all sorts of immigrants, I think I'll only feel at ease when I actually get my extension approved...

  2. I'm moving departments at work, and so far it has been such a political thing where I have to kiss-ass with everyone and make strong but not mean reasons for why I want to transfer. It's taken a really long time, and I hate chasing up the managing partners on these things, but I want this to happen, and I will feel much better once this actually is approved...

  3. My friend's wedding is in early August back home, and I fretted way too long if I should take time off and I finally did, but now tickets are doubly expensive and I feel really crap for paying so much money. I hope the cheaper flights that I am waitlisted on will become available...

  4. N and I are horribly on the rocks, and most probably it's not going to work out again. Fuck this shit. He has his own issues to deal with and has once again dragged me down with all his self-doubt... and I really dislike the fact that he knows we work really well together and so he just wants to pause things while his job is sending him overseas for 3 months before coming back to the UK to pick things up with me again...fuck man. 

  5. I can't imagine doing the whole dating thing again. It's too horrible - so hard to sift out the good guys, and then even so, there's too much effort to play the numbers game. I really have to learn to be better at being single...but I'm nearing 30 dude...I want stability :(

  6. I keep looking at myself in the mirror and wondering why I'm growing so slowly when I've been hitting the gym pretty hard. It's slightly depressing...

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